SeriousWhimsy

First post but I have lurking and reading over a year. I'll write an intro later but I wanted to share this.

There is no danger but I am questioning whether I am willing to live the rest of my life with an AH. Taking my time, attending Al-anon and counseling, HP is taking care of a lot of things while I wait for more to be revealed.

So, yesterday I stepped outside to smoke. The blue sky was crowded with tumultuous cumulonimbus clouds.

One had two towering spires. Which, to my sometimes overly-creative mind, looked kind of like two people facing each other with their near-arms wrapped around each other's waists and their far-arms spread out in a dance.

I said, wow HP is that a sign? It sure looks like a happy dance.

As I finished the cigarette, I watched. One 'partner' moved behind and away from the other and dissolved into nothingness. The other collapsed and fell to wispy shreds.

Uh. True. Sometimes happy dances don't last forever.

I laughed. But that little interlude seemed rather poignant. And thought-provoking.

qtpi

I have been praying a lot and asking God for a sign. When I left two years ago, I wasn't 100 % sure but I was close. I wish I could say I didn't love XAH but I do. But he wasn't going to stop drinking and he was mean to me. I miss the good times. Anyway ... when I get to really regretting it, God reminds me he didn't " have my back." It seems like I hear that phrase referred to several times a week. And when that phrase pops up, it always surprises me and reminds me- that a husband should always " have your back" - take care of you emotionally, protect you from harm, and care for you when you are down. I do feel love for him- I can't deny it- he was "functional" even though he was an alcoholic. But he did not have my back. I haven't met a new man to love but I do have love in my life. I have some family and friends who treat me with love, caring, and understanding. I am so grateful for them. Healing is hard. I wish now I had left earlier, but I finally did.

WhiteFeathers

beautiful post. Sometimes we can find signs in unexpected places.

Your post reminded me of a pretty song I heard yesterday. I'll share
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7Xqo6dvDmM

Mango212

Healing gets easier as I open my heart to seeing, acknowledging and embracing signs in my life.

Very cool observations.

honeypig

I try to pay attention to the signs too, SW. I think it couldn't hurt to bear this one in mind going forward...

clarity888

Those clouds are definitely good food for thought, Glad you are here. I am newer too, and have been going to Al-Anon which helps a lot. When I got the news, two weeks ago, the TRUTH about my AH's hidden/excessive drinking, I googled up key terms for our situation (looking up advice & support) . And I found some other addiction site and read my VERY own post from maybe 2 or 3 years ago (since then his using doubled, but he hid it very well since he knew my feelings that he was already on a downward path). Anyway, finding that old post I'd written was like "gee, you were suspecting this 3 years ago and his lies/my denial really ARE biting us in the ass. But at least now I know! Welcome to the most wonderful group of people who are always around & who understand!