alwayscovering

He fell off the wagon but of course he did it's not like he was making a real effort and going to counseling.

He says he's going to go to the VA-promises, promises. He thinks he'll do better with other vets.

I'm saving money right now in a separate account. I'm going to pay off all my credit cards and if he's still pulling this crap I'm out. I can't keep doing this. I love him, I really do. But I'm just not happy when things are like this and it's not really that my happiness depends on whether or not he's drinking. It's just lonely. He checks out. He's been mostly checked out for the last 6 years. I have to do everything, making sure bills are paid, house work, yard work, the kids the dogs, everything. It's exhausting. I'm lucky he goes to work.

He will probably make a half assed effort to go to the VA rehab clinic, because he knows I'm reaching my breaking point. When he goes I'm going to tell him if I don't see real change and him consistently going to counseling. I'm still out, sober or not.

I'm also not keeping my feelings to myself anymore. I took the dog to the vet to be spayed. He asked me if I wanted him to pick her up so I don't have to go in late and leave early. I said "sure if you think you can stay sober long enough to drive safely" apparently that was @ssholish but it's true.

I also have to deal with my own feelings. I really resent when he stops drinking and decides to check back in he likes to criticize how and when I get things done. If you don't regularly participate you don't get a say. Here's an idea, check in, stay in and effing help me!!!!!!

What is hard about getting help? The VA offers counseling for PTSD. If he would just go, he'd probably feel better in general and it would have never escalated to this.

Sorry I know this is all over the place. I'm not looking for anything. I have friend who is an addiction counselor. She's who I usually talk to but she's on vacation and I don't want to bother her. I just needed to vent

jokerssoul69

I am so sorry you are going through all of this. Thank you for posting. Your well being (and that of your kids) is top priority and it sounds like you are on the right track.

I pray that he sees your effort and realizes that he needs to do something.

alwayscovering

Thank you. I get soooooooooooooooooo frustrated with him. I guess I can't truly understand because I've never been addicted to anything. I do try though and I hate getting these messages from him begging me not to give up on him. I don't WANT to but I'm leading you to the water dude DRINK!! I don't understand his aversion to therapy. I really don't. I go. I like it.

PeacefulWater12

Sorry you are in this situation. Glad you are sharing about it, I find this a great relief. It is all so exhausting. All the best to you.

SmallButMighty

alwayscovering, I remember that "at the end of my rope" feeling... and all the twisting and turning in my heart and my head as that rope swung around and around and around.... it's so very exhausting...and frustrating, and infuriating and a bunch of other negative emotions to boot. Sucks. I'm glad you feel safe enough here to vent to us.

Sounds like you already have a good grip on the situation. You are planning your exit should it become necessary. Making boundaries for your own life is key to keeping the chaos at bay. Seems like you already know that words are hollow if they are't followed with appropriate actions. Stay the course.

Hang in there, we are here for you when ever you need to let off some steam.

Hugs

BDTL

alwayscovering I'm a vietnam vet and I know for a fact that he can receive help at the VA. I started going for PTSD and a doc gave me a couple of meds that really helped my anxiety. I was then was appointed a counselor to talk things out. Not too long after that I received a strong desire while sitting in my backyard swing to never drink again. Weirdest and coolest thing I have ever been a part of. Anyways I'm 67 days sober now and never will go back to the old life. I know I'm an alcoholic and I know I have to stay committed to my plan to make things work. One day at a time and then move to the next. I wish you could get your husband to join this site so I could chat with him?

alwayscovering

Thank you so much! I truly appreciate your willingness to help. I doubt he'd join this community. Y'all have a lot to say that he doesn't want to hear. Lately, I've got a lot to say that he doesn't want to hear.