Maudcat

We got the results from alcohol addicted sib’s liver scan.
He has cirrhotic nodes on his liver.
Prognosis and life expectancy if he continues to drink: a truly nasty death in 5 to 10 years, closer to 5 than 10.
He has already said he is not stopping—no surprise there, nor was the diagnosis. We have suspected liver damage for some time now.
My mom is upset, of course. Her father and one of her brothers died from cirrhosis.
Me, I don’t feel much of anything.
We make our choices, and at any given time, we have opportunities to make better ones.
My sib has had many opportunities to look at the damage wrought by his alcohol consumption: divorce, dui, countless jobs lost, withdrawal related seizures, forced detox, ejected from my mother’s house, and so on.
It has always been someone else’s fault. He doesn’t have a problem with alcohol, everyone else does.

SoberLeigh

That is bad news, indeed, Maudcat. I am sorry that your family has this to endure.

Denial can be so strong in the alcoholic. I hope that he turns around before it is too late.

Maudcat

Thank you, SL.

hopeful4

I am sorry friend. Big hugs.

dandylion

Maudcat...I am sorry to hear this news. I do think that "I don't feel much of anything" is actually protective, for you. The heart can only bear so much, without needing some protection.
Following your posts, I think you may already have reached the stage of acceptance...at least, as much as possible.....

Lizajane

So sorry Maudcat. My mother in law passed away a couple years ago. She was a chronic alcoholic and chain smoker. She lived a long time considering her lifestyle. She was diagnosed with COPD years ago, then end stage COPD and kept on smoking and drinking while hooked up to oxygen. We all thought her end would come in a fire with that combination. She lost so much due to alcoholism, but not her money. She never found the bottom that motivated her to quit. I felt so bad for her. Convinced herself that she was living the life she wanted and no one was going to tell her what rules she needed to follow. We could all see that she was not living the life anyone would want. She was just feeding an addiction 24/7. Your brother sounds the same. Some people lose so much they say NO MORE, others lose so much they grab onto the addiction as the only thing left. I have no answers. We found it helpful to simply be honest with her that her drinking was the only thing keeping us apart. Told her we loved her and would be here to help her if she ever wanted to be sober. We took all of her phone calls but felt no obligation to stay on the line if it got ugly or uncomfortable. Visited her once a year and welcomed her for holidays if she wanted to come. When the end was near, my sister in law helped her with her final wishes. She was filling a form out and asked if she wanted an autopsy performed after her death. My mother in law said, "No" and then she laughed, "it will be pretty clear what gets me in the end." That's was that. You can't make people quit, you can only let them know you love them and wish they would love themselves enough to quit and recover. Hugs

Maudcat

This is very true, Dandy.
That’s why whenever someone on this site says, “Should I leave the addict?” I always ask them to visualize how things will be as he/she ages.
The only thing worse than an old drunk is taking care of an old drunk.

PuzzledHeart

I get it Maudcat. There's only so much you can do until you get tapped dry.

That said, I'm sorry. Sorry for all of it.

Forward12

This is untreated alcoholism at its core. They would rather die with a bottle in hand, than to get help.

Sasha1972

I am really sorry that you got this news. It's a really not-good way for a life to end.

marie1960

Oh maudcat, I am so sorry to hear of you siblings prognosis. One of my dearest friends brother’s , was diagnosed as your brother has been . He proclaimed f*k it, and he would die with a bottle of beer in his hand. Well the-Powers that be had a different plan for him, he developed an excruciating bout of pancreatitis , that was 18 months ago, he no longer drinks, the doctors say his liver is in healing mode, and if he continues on this path with meds and abstinence from booze, he will regain an acceptable quality of life. Lots can change in 5- 10 years. Today I wish you and your family peace, hope and love.

OpheliaKatz

This is sad, Maudcat. I think though, that your sib did what they wanted with their life. If they wanted to drink, there was nothing anyone could do to stop them. I know it's hard for them to stop, but they still have to want it enough. It's so unfortunate that those that lack the courage to stop cause pain to everyone who love them. I guess you should prepare for what is to come... unless he decides to change! It's not too late for him to change.

Bernadette

Me, I don’t feel much of anything.

Yeah, it's amazing how many times you just have to shake your head, it's sad, but of course you were not surprised by this dx, you live in reality. And he continues to make his choices, as painful and self-destrcutive as they seem to us.

I admire your strength and forthrightness, and hope you find some peace of mind ahead. (((hugs)))

Peace,
B

Seren

I'm just now seeing this, Maudcat! I am sorry!!!

atalose

I am so sorry to hear this sad news.

((hugs))

Maudcat

Thanks, all, for your kind words and good thoughts.
Very much appreciated.

firebolt

It's so sad, MC. Really, really hoping he figures it out, and that you have some peace either way.

Mango212

(((hugs)))

How are you doing today?

It sucks when I let go of people I love in order to prioritize my mental and physical health. Amazingly, I often get to show up in new ways for them later on, bringing the best of me. These benefits improve my faith in this process.

You're somebody special. I'm glad you're here. Take good care of you, please.

Maudcat

Thanks, Mango.
I’m okay.
Resentment, yes, sadness, yes, but what else is new?
Addiction is the worst.

trailmix

Hi Maudcat,

I've been thinking about your post (or maybe trying not to is more accurate).

It's one thing to have an SO who is an addict another thing when it's a parent and entirely another when it's a sibling. I can't imagine. I don't want to imagine. My siblings are my closest friends.

I think one of the worst things about addiction is that you think of all they could be, when it comes to a Brother or Sister? Not just in the world but to you and each other.

So I can't imagine but I wanted to say I am so sorry that this is the life he has, sorry that your Brother is not there for you and your Mom. My sympathy doesn't help you, I know but just know that others are thinking of you and if I could help I would but I can't but I wish you strength.