pennykaren

I began Alanon years ago due to an AH back in 2003. I was in a horribly abusive situation and Alanon literally saved my life. I remember sitting in meetings and listening to heartbreaking stories of people whose children were actively using, in rehab/treatment, currently in the hospital about to die, suicidal, etc. I remember thinking, thankfully it was a husband and not a child. I remember thinking there was NO WAY I could ever get through something like that.

Well here I am, 15 years later and thankfully I have the tools and support of my Alanon family in order to get through my 23 year old son's suicidal ideations and addition to alcohol and cocaine. I can't imagine not having those years of Alanon behind me to be able to get through this.

My son called me yesterday saying he was having suicidal ideations for the past few weeks. He has suffered from depression for the past several years and struggled as a teenager with thoughts of killing himself. I've known he has had a problem with alcohol for the past several years, but I had no idea that he was addicted to cocaine.

He was in a really bad placed when he called me. I left work to go check in on him and he shared the "Cocaine" news with me. I was devastated, but I know there's nothing I can do to help him. All I can do is love him and support him, hoping that he chooses some type of treatment, but I know when he sobers you, he'll probably just blow it all off.

I'll be getting back to my Alanon meetings on a regular basis. I'm sad and heartbroken that my only child is going through this, but I know that there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.

Thanks for listening and being here! Love to all...

Maudcat

Very sorry for your situation, pennykaren.
Addiction is terrible.

marie1960

If my adult child was expressing /threatening these suicidal thoughts I would be calling the proper authorities . Help is available . The fact that he is sharing how he is feeling is the silver lining in a very sad situation. He is reaching out. threats of self harm warrant medical intervention. Wishing you strength at this most difficult time.

pennykaren

He says he doesn't think he'll ever actually do it, but when he gets all messed up, the thoughts are there. I suffer with depression also and I also struggle with the "thoughts" but know I'll never actually do it. When he sobers up, he tells me he's good and no longer having those thoughts.

marie1960

its Perfectly normal to express ourselves, it’s natural to say I am angry, sad ,frustrated, hurt, embarrassed, depressed, struggling,and on and on,but if someone says to me “I want to die, “I only have a small window to decide if they are simply expressing themselves in a dramatic way, or if they are truly losing control.There are over 171,000 words in the Oxford dictionary, can you please be more specific with what is going on, and why you feel this way, is what I would be asking. Thank goodness he is reaching out to you, and of course you never want to say the wrong thing to discourage him talking to you, but that kind of talk would send me off the rails...if one of my kids called me in an intoxicated state, talking like this , I am sure they wouldn’t be happy where they woke up, I realize they can’t hold them forever, but this is not acceptable behavior, and honestly they are adults, they do not have the right to traumatize us like this.

Mango212

Hi pennykaren,

How are you doing today? Thinking of you. (((hugs)))

Sometimes during a rain storm I stand outside with arms stretched wide, letting all my emotions be what they are. Other times I take shelter, stay well protected away from the storm and very decisively choose a different way to deal with it.

Prayer, meditation, connecting with healthy people and prioritizing my own mental, spiritual and physical health guides this.

What does your current support system look like?