SoberLeigh

I am an alcoholic, 6.5 years into recovery.

There is significant alcoholism on both sides of my family, more than enough to make me believe in the familial/genetic link to the disease. It has been, at the very least, a contributing factor to the death of more than one.

My dear, dear very wonderful in every imaginable way sister is in the grips of this monster. I have watched the disease take hold and progress over the last 15+ years and the progression is breaking my heart and spirit. I am so afraid for her, for all that she has to lose. Our lives are, blessedly, closely entwined; I am so afraid of losing her.

We have talked about this so many times. She wants desperately to moderate. I have spoken endlessly about the futility of my own efforts and attempts at moderation.

I know that she has to want sobriety more than practically life itself to escape this demon but I don't yet see that desire in her.

I don't know what to do.

I know too much and I guess that makes it hurt more.

Gonnachange

SL, I'm sorry to read about your anguish and what your sister is going through. Unfortunately, I have no words of advice and can only offer support to you.

SoberLeigh

Your support means the world to me, Gonnachange, and brought tears to my eyes. I

Gonnachange

Seriously, you know where to reach me and I'll be following this thread.

SoberLeigh

Thanks so much, GC.❤️

SparkleKitty

I think that by living well in recovery, you are already doing everything in your power for her. You demonstrate everyday her own possible future, if she can find the willingness to reach out for help.

trailmix

Hi Soberleigh!

This is so tough. I haven't experienced alcoholism in a sibling - thankfully!

As you know, you didn't cause it, can't change it and can't control it. In my opinion those are the words to focus on.

Acceptance. The greatest gift you can give her is your acceptance, without judgement.

Easy for me to say and hard to do. You can continue to tear yourself up trying to help her see the err of her ways, you know it doesn't work that way.

Eventually she may come to those conclusions herself, but even if she doesn't, your being there is the important thing.

This is just a thought and might be misplaced but have you ever thought of the two of you attending Al-Anon together?

SoberLeigh

Thank you so much for your response, trailmix. I have not considered going to Al-Anon together; I have considered it for myself , though, and think that I will do just that; thank you.

I have spoken to my sister about AA many times (although I have not utilized it myself, I believe in it, and we both have very strong Higher Power belief)) and have offered to go with her if it would make her more comfortable but she is not ready - even resistant.

Acceptance, Axknkwledgment, Absolute Readiness - she is not there. I am frightened for her.

We have been through so much together. She knows that I am in her corner 100%.

SoberLeigh

Thank you, SparkleKitty. Your words are very, very appreciated and helpful.

Gm0824

SL, Congrats on your own recovery, makes my heart so happy to read that! From my side, I can read all about addiction and alcohol but the "why" is where I struggled. In al-anon I learned the answer that helped me the most was "Because they are sick and not ready to become well." I am happy you posted, I agree with trailmix, al-anon has been a great resource for me whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not. Hugs friend, you didn't cause it, you cannot control it and you cannot cure your sister. I do have faith that you never know what tomorrow brings ... faith of a mustard seed!

SoberLeigh

The faith of a mustard seed - how I love that, Gm; thank you so much for your response.

I, too, have always struggled with the 'why'. I have a list of 'why' questions. I have a.ways said that if and, God willing, when I meet the only One who can answer those questions, the questions will no longer be of any importance.

In the meantime, Al-Anon it will be. I am researching meetings now.

Maudcat

I am so sorry, SL.
As you likely know, I have an alcohol addicted sib as well.
Unlike you and your sis, he and I are not close, never have been.
But it’s still a heartbreaker, and I can only imagine your sadness.
She’s not ready now, but maybe someday she will be, and you are there for her no matter what.

SoberLeigh

Thank you very much, Maudcat.

I, too, have an alcoholic brother from whom I have been estranged for many years. I worry about him and will always love him but the estrangement makes it easier for me, I guess.

How I despise alcoholism.

SoberLeigh

Seems that I live in a great area for Al-Anon meetings. There are three a day, every day, within a ten mile radius.

Gm0824

Awesome news! Face to face support in Al Anon and the SR forums have been instrumental in becoming a healthier me. Hugs!

Dee74

Prayers for you and your sister Leigh

D

SoberLeigh

Thanks, Dee; prayers are very much appreciated.

Seren

Awww....Leigh

Believe me, we know your pain. My own sister is an alcoholic and powder cocaine addict in recovery now for many years. My stepson, below all the alcohol-driven behavior, really is a sweet, funny, handsome man...and he is destroying himself...and there is nothing I can do about it.

But, I do tell the young man that I love him when I can. And I pray.

I will keep you and your sister in my prayers, Leigh!

Hevyn

Dearest Leigh - You will be in my prayers every day. Your sister is blessed to have you as an example - someone to confide in who truly understands & doesn't berate or judge. I'm so glad you decided to try Al-Anon.

SoberLeigh

I am going to my first meeting tomorrow, Hevyn.

Thank you so very, very much have for your prayers.