Ladybird579

When I first came to this forum nearly 10 years ago now (under a different name) I was told and also read over and over not to jump into anything else too quickly once the relationship with the alcoholic was over. At the time I thought it was a bit of a party pooper idea but I managed to heed the advice and am glad I did.

Fast forward to now I have a friend I've known for 4 years who asked me out. I said yes but actually fitting in a time was hard and when he asked me I was on a plane and didn't see his text for hours. I ruminated on if this goes anywhere in the future and basically decided it will take a miracle to merge our busy lives. This is so different to how I used to be. I used to be so needy and looking for validation I was worth something cos a man asked me out. I was always dropping everything for a date, changing my own plans and bending over backwards to accommodate them. Now it is yeah I'll go out ( I REALLY like him or I'd not bother) but let me look in my diary to see when am free first lol.

Hummer

Best of luck - look forward to hearing how things progress

firebolt

Have fun Ladybird!!

Bernadette

Awesome!!
B

Clover71

Yay. Have fun and good luck

lizatola

That's excellent to hear. So glad to hear! I hope you get to enjoy a new man and a new blooming relationship!

Sasha1972

That's great! And whether or not this turns into A Relationship, a little bit of validation and flirtation is good for the soul. Have fun!

Ladybird579

Am getting cold feet tbh. It's not while Sunday and I've had too long to think about it. I am very lonely but that is not a good reason to date anyone.

dandylion

Ladybird......why isn't lonliness a reason to date....? (as long as he doesn't have a bunch of red flags and you don't come to the door in a wedding dress)…...

RollTide

You have nothing to lose. Go into it with no expectations and just enjoy spending time with a friend.

You got this!

Ladybird579

I kind of prefer to be in a happy place in my head space. Am more objective that way and less likely to settle for things I don't want. I've know this man a very long time. He's got no red flags that I've seen. His only glaring fault is he works too hard. This last couple of weeks have broken me tho. The stuff that has happened has left me reeling and realising it really is only me here with no rl support at all. One thing he really likes about me is my smile and happiness. I don't think I can fake it for him. It seems like too much effort to be bothered. It's strange how we can be plodding along doing OK ish and then life plunges into a living nightmare literally overnight. I never saw it coming and it just something to be got through like everything else but sometimes I wonder if I will ever get a break. I don't want our date to end up a therapy session for me.

trailmix

Maybe you are overthinking it a bit and that's causing some anxiety? It's so easy to do that, I know.

How about it's only dinner (or whatever your plans are) you actually aren't getting married and you have known him for a long time. Think of it as dinner with a friend, which it really is!

Enjoy yourself, that getting a break that you are talking about - this is one of those, a nice evening out.

The talking about "taking time for yourself" for "relaxing" for "doing something nice" - this is that.

hopeful4

Good for you!!!!
Recovery looks amazing on you friend!

Ladybird579

Thanks Hopeful.. Well am not going. Circumstances have taken over. I forgot I had agreed to go to my nieces engagement BBQ in another town which necessitates a sleepover. The earliest I can get back is late afternoon on the Sunday. I've texted to let him know, apologised and ask for to re-arrange . He's not responded. So that appears to be that. Niece comes first tho. Her mum is my oldest friend.

Mango212

Bridges, roads and trains. Taking us different places at different times. The more I see how things simply keep working out without great effort, the more I trust in this healing process.

For so long, I expected things to go badly, and they did.

Now as I expect things to go well, they do.

Maybe you're both on different paths right now for a reason. If it's meant to work out, things will fall together with good timing and little effort.

Yes, your recovery does look good on you!!

Ladybird579

Maybe you're both on different paths right now for a reason. If it's meant to work out, things will fall together with good timing and little effort.

Yes I totally agree. If it's meant to be it will be at some point. He got back to me..was totally fine about it and said have fun and we will re-arranged very soon. My priorities are my friends who have stuck by me through the last 40 years. He understands that. ( that earned him even more Brownie points lol)

Yes, your recovery does look good on you!!

Thank you