Alcoholic Fiance Suddenly wasn't "Happy". Advice?
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 715
At this point he and I are talking and unpacking all of our stuff and issues throughout the relationship. He is talking about not wanting to move on from me and that a lot of what happened on his end was unintentional, aka the situation spiraled out of control. Still he feels we need to live apart for this phase. Yet, he doesn't want emotional separation. Still confused.
Good Morning,
I know you are confused and hurting so I am sorry if what I say upsets you further. I went through a similar experience as you have stated above. Back and forth, back and forth. Walking in my house after two years telling me he wanted to split (when we werent living together) then back together AND living together in my home, walking in and telling me he needed to get his own place but wanted to stay together. Just non-stop craziness. All the while I had no clue, none, that he was an active alcoholic. NONE. The disappearing, the calls going to voicemail, the non-truth, deception and constant lies and gaslighting. The "you are my soulmate, my best friend, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, yada,yada,yada". You get where I am going with this..... it's all the same story wrapped up in a different guy. I allowed this craziness to go on for 5 years, 5! I should have cut my losses the first time he pulled that breakup stunt but I didn't. Why? because I loved him. HIM. It's clear to me now 3 years later that I loved this guy more than I loved myself. Any self respecting girl would tell this jerk to HIT THE ROAD and fast! Please don't waste any more of your time trying to figure out his problems or deal with them by making them your own. They are HIS and HIS only. Do yourself a favor, get YOUR STUFF in order ( Financial, whatever it may be ) and RUN. I'm sure once you have had the chance to step out and look back into your current situation you will understand what I am talking about. In the meantime, I have a question for you that I really want you to think about. Is this how you want to live the remainder of your life? Unsure, on eggshells, never knowing when the ball is going to drop, not sure if you are being lied to. It's exhausting. This is what you are in for if you stick with this guy, NO DOUBT.
Get cookin' girlfriend, you deserve better. I know it!
Big Hug to you, I know it's hard.
Ro
Good Morning,
I know you are confused and hurting so I am sorry if what I say upsets you further. I went through a similar experience as you have stated above. Back and forth, back and forth. Walking in my house after two years telling me he wanted to split (when we werent living together) then back together AND living together in my home, walking in and telling me he needed to get his own place but wanted to stay together. Just non-stop craziness. All the while I had no clue, none, that he was an active alcoholic. NONE. The disappearing, the calls going to voicemail, the non-truth, deception and constant lies and gaslighting. The "you are my soulmate, my best friend, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, yada,yada,yada". You get where I am going with this..... it's all the same story wrapped up in a different guy. I allowed this craziness to go on for 5 years, 5! I should have cut my losses the first time he pulled that breakup stunt but I didn't. Why? because I loved him. HIM. It's clear to me now 3 years later that I loved this guy more than I loved myself. Any self respecting girl would tell this jerk to HIT THE ROAD and fast! Please don't waste any more of your time trying to figure out his problems or deal with them by making them your own. They are HIS and HIS only. Do yourself a favor, get YOUR STUFF in order ( Financial, whatever it may be ) and RUN. I'm sure once you have had the chance to step out and look back into your current situation you will understand what I am talking about. In the meantime, I have a question for you that I really want you to think about. Is this how you want to live the remainder of your life? Unsure, on eggshells, never knowing when the ball is going to drop, not sure if you are being lied to. It's exhausting. This is what you are in for if you stick with this guy, NO DOUBT.
Get cookin' girlfriend, you deserve better. I know it!
Big Hug to you, I know it's hard.
Ro
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 15
Originally Posted by Lilro 
At this point he and I are talking and unpacking all of our stuff and issues throughout the relationship. He is talking about not wanting to move on from me and that a lot of what happened on his end was unintentional, aka the situation spiraled out of control. Still he feels we need to live apart for this phase. Yet, he doesn't want emotional separation. Still confused.
Good Morning,
I know you are confused and hurting so I am sorry if what I say upsets you further. I went through a similar experience as you have stated above. Back and forth, back and forth. Walking in my house after two years telling me he wanted to split (when we werent living together) then back together AND living together in my home, walking in and telling me he needed to get his own place but wanted to stay together. Just non-stop craziness. All the while I had no clue, none, that he was an active alcoholic. NONE. The disappearing, the calls going to voicemail, the non-truth, deception and constant lies and gaslighting. The "you are my soulmate, my best friend, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, yada,yada,yada". You get where I am going with this..... it's all the same story wrapped up in a different guy. I allowed this craziness to go on for 5 years, 5! I should have cut my losses the first time he pulled that breakup stunt but I didn't. Why? because I loved him. HIM. It's clear to me now 3 years later that I loved this guy more than I loved myself. Any self respecting girl would tell this jerk to HIT THE ROAD and fast! Please don't waste any more of your time trying to figure out his problems or deal with them by making them your own. They are HIS and HIS only. Do yourself a favor, get YOUR STUFF in order ( Financial, whatever it may be ) and RUN. I'm sure once you have had the chance to step out and look back into your current situation you will understand what I am talking about. In the meantime, I have a question for you that I really want you to think about. Is this how you want to live the remainder of your life? Unsure, on eggshells, never knowing when the ball is going to drop, not sure if you are being lied to. It's exhausting. This is what you are in for if you stick with this guy, NO DOUBT.
Get cookin' girlfriend, you deserve better. I know it!
Big Hug to you, I know it's hard.
Ro
Good Morning,
I know you are confused and hurting so I am sorry if what I say upsets you further. I went through a similar experience as you have stated above. Back and forth, back and forth. Walking in my house after two years telling me he wanted to split (when we werent living together) then back together AND living together in my home, walking in and telling me he needed to get his own place but wanted to stay together. Just non-stop craziness. All the while I had no clue, none, that he was an active alcoholic. NONE. The disappearing, the calls going to voicemail, the non-truth, deception and constant lies and gaslighting. The "you are my soulmate, my best friend, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, yada,yada,yada". You get where I am going with this..... it's all the same story wrapped up in a different guy. I allowed this craziness to go on for 5 years, 5! I should have cut my losses the first time he pulled that breakup stunt but I didn't. Why? because I loved him. HIM. It's clear to me now 3 years later that I loved this guy more than I loved myself. Any self respecting girl would tell this jerk to HIT THE ROAD and fast! Please don't waste any more of your time trying to figure out his problems or deal with them by making them your own. They are HIS and HIS only. Do yourself a favor, get YOUR STUFF in order ( Financial, whatever it may be ) and RUN. I'm sure once you have had the chance to step out and look back into your current situation you will understand what I am talking about. In the meantime, I have a question for you that I really want you to think about. Is this how you want to live the remainder of your life? Unsure, on eggshells, never knowing when the ball is going to drop, not sure if you are being lied to. It's exhausting. This is what you are in for if you stick with this guy, NO DOUBT.
Get cookin' girlfriend, you deserve better. I know it!
Big Hug to you, I know it's hard.
Ro
I'm getting there. I really appreciate your contribution. Your story and advice are exactly what I need, I don't want to believe it right now, but I know it's true. I can't say I'll have the strength or resolve to push him away if he tries to come back... I can't say. Yet, I know that right now I really need to remember who I am and what I want.
This may be weird, but I feel a swell of love for you just knowing that this all has happened to you and that you shared it with me. I hope that you are healing/healed and happy. Love love love to you.
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