Trying to let go
 

I was with my AB for 2 years. He was sober for 5 years when we first met. He slowly stopped going to meetings and he became verbally and emotionally abusive. I put up with it because I'm co-dependent. He finally broke up with me when he decided to get sober. I guess he was sober for a few months but started dating and partying again with a new girlfriend. Something we never did. I cut contact with him for 6 months. He contacted me after breaking up with his new girlfriend. Eventually I got back together with him knowing I shouldn't. I was stupid and thought I could help him get sober. He really wants to get sober. He knows how much better his life is when he is sober and working the program. I was helping him turn his life around and things were getting a lot better for him but he could only be sober for about a month before he would start drinking again. We finally broke up 3 weeks ago so he could work on getting sober and I could work on my codependence. I wanted to end things with him but was always afraid of what would happen to him. Found out over the weekend that he has been drinking and out with other girls. He hasn't been working on getting sober. I was talking to him almost everyday he just lied to me. He got a DUI Monday night while out with another girl. He lost his license for a year and will probably lose his job. I told him not to contact me again. I'm trying hard to let go but struggling.

Mp, sorry you're having a hard time. It'll get better over time. I know this may sound flip but it's meant that way, it really will get better as you've done the right thing. Your ex appears to be on a downward spiral. Maybe he'll pull himself up again, maybe not, but that isn't your fight.

If it it's true he was sober for 5 years before you met then he knows how to do it. Whatever resources helped him before are still available, if and when he wants them.

Hang in there, read and post here when you're feeling down. There are lots of people who had, or are still having, the same experience. Hugs to you.

I am sorry for your hurt. No new contact = No New Hurts. I know it's hard but moving on and working on you is the best way. Big hugs!

I'm sorry you're hurting, mp. Are you doing anything specific to address your co-dependency?

Thank you ladies. It feels good to write about it. I have read Co-Dependent no more and Letting Go. I really should read them again. I'm in therapy and started to Journal. I need to join a 12 step group. I make every excuse not to go to meetings. I spend a lot of time worrying about him :(

sounds like he's doing "fine".

meanwhile YOU are here and will find lots of support and great information/reading to be found!! you seem to have an excellent grasp on the situation and know just what you need to do next. that first meeting can be kinda scary....but i promise you it will be ok!

It's making you miserable. Take that focus on put it where it belongs, on you and your own wellbeing. Many hugs!

Mp, you don't need the hurt or the lies. I understand where you are coming from. I thought that I could make someone better and I really, really tried--ultimately it's their decision to seek help. We think that we can help, but really we are powerless. If they choose not to seek help, that's their choice and they get to own it.

Work on making yourself better--and I know that struggle, too. Hang in there; we're going to come out on the other side and be so much stronger. Big hugs to you.