Chevfb7

Today is the first day since leaving that I'm doubting my choice. I know he hasn't quit drinking, and hasn't even made an effort. I'm doubting if I made the right choice. Did I try hard enough? Will my kids resent my choice of leaving when they are older?We're things really as bad as I thought? I know I made the right decision, but today is hard and I miss him today.

Mango212

(((hugs)))

Leelee168

You did make the right choice. There must be something in the universe making everyone feel unsettled. I don't miss him; maybe I miss the life we had a long, long time ago. That person is never coming back. He's a violent and abusive person now and the alcoholism only compounds that. Hang in there.

trailmix

I don't know how old your children are but they won't if you are honest with them. If you cover up everything to "spare" them, then yes, they may well resent you because they will not understand why you left their Father.

Honest, forthright and age appropriate. It also shouldn't be a one time conversation, it should be something they can ask you about (his addiction).

Depending on their age they will still be affected by his drinking during visitation and you are going to have to steer them through that.

So please don't hide the facts of alcoholism from them, that will come back on you (and them).

When you are a child in a household with an alcoholic it's destructive, your feelings are treated as secondary (as everything is to alcohol). Children of addicts learn to put their feelings aside and look after others.

Instead of them having to build those defenses you have now given them the opportunity to defend themselves against being treated badly (with that ongoing conversation). That's a great thing.

PuzzledHeart

I was recently listening to a podcast with Cheryl Strayed, (she wrote the book "Wild"). Her mom left her father when she was young, and she remembered begging her mother to stay with him because she loved her father. She now looks back at that memory and cringes - her father was physically violent towards her mom and his children. She wants nothing to do with him, and is so proud of her mom for making the difficult decision to leave him.

Sasha1972

If you find yourself asking that question ... the answer is probably "yes". If things were okay, fine or acceptable, I don't think you'd be asking yourself "is this really awful or just slightly awful?".

velma929

You are teaching your children about relationships.
I look at it this way: if you have a girl, do you want her to think that a crummy relationship is better than none at all?

If you have a boy, do you want him to grow up thinking it's okay to act this way or treat a partner like you're being treated?

My dad was, on the whole, a good man. He was also a functional alcoholic. When I met my late Husband, I didn't consider his drinking 'that bad.' I should have been running the other way, but a man who drank a lot- still held down a job and all, it's okay, right?

No, it's not okay. While Dad wasn't abusive to my Mom, looking back,there were things that she dealt with she shouldn't have had to. She broke her leg in her seventies, I think. I called to talk with her, and Dad was very drunk. I can't imagine how she felt trying to manage getting around with a drunk guy her only help. I didn't live nearby, but was thankful my brother and sister-in-law did.

Stay the course. You did the right thing. I came really close to divorcing my husband. He was diagnosed with a fatal illness by the time I'd decided. It was hard because I still loved him. On some level, I still do love him. Love is not enough. though. Loving someone does not make him or her a good match.

Freedom1990

I had days too like that. This too shall pass. You've been given some excellent suggestions. Warm hugs from Kansas.