Honestly, the greatest gift I ever gave myself in recovery was learning to sit with the discomfort of loneliness long enough to learn that being alone is not the same as being lonely.

ONLY alone could I learn what I really wanted from a partner, and find the strength of self to reject the unacceptable.

ONLY alone could I learn to take care of my own needs and wants--and I grew to really like having things my way all the time!

ONLY alone could I learn that what Hollywood tells you "love" is is actually mostly unhealthy dependence on others for validation and acceptance--and that real love comes from inside us, for ourselves. Without that, we are just latching on to whoever pays attention to us.

ONLY alone could I learn that I really was good enough as-is--for me and everyone else and if anybody disagreed, well--that's their problem, not mine.

And it's ONLY because I made time in my life to do all that, to gain all that, that I was ready for a healthy relationship when the right person came along in my life. We've been married eight years this August, and I only have that because I took three years out of my life before we met to really focus on myself and my issues.

And at the same time the idea of going back makes me feel so peaceful.

Yes I remember that feeling the 4 times my now exah and I got back together. It wasn't peaceful I was feeling tho it was just relief I didn't have to face up to the cold hard facts just yet. We were also married a long time..20 years and the thought of being alone and having to work on myself was terrifying. However my exah drinking got worse and worse and we did eventually divorce. I stayed single and still am and I got through the loneliness and feeling like my life was over. It was hard and painful but you can do it too if you choose too.