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-   -   Alcoholic/Addict siblings destruction and abuse (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-alcoholics/427718-alcoholic-addict-siblings-destruction-abuse.html)

PinkCloud9 05-16-2018 11:24 AM

Alcoholic/Addict siblings destruction and abuse
 
I have been in recovery for 24 years with one relapse
and I just celebrated 7 years clean and sober last month.
I am a survivor of multiple violent assaults, diagnosed with PTSD
and disabled, not on disability with severe chronic pain issues
yet I am still clean and sober from alcohol and narcotic
pharmaceuticals. I have overcome many hardships.
I have a beautiful sister who has no issues with alcohol and drugs.
We have 2 alcoholic/addict brothers who have been using for over 40 years
and are utterly completely bankrupt. They are both educated
and virtually unemployable. Thanks to my efforts our 84 year old
wealthy mother has realized that adult childrens' substance abuse
is not the parents' fault. It is a disease, a mental illness, which requires treatment.
Get with the program/be in the solution or not.
It is a choice.

AA Big Book
HOW IT WORKS
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with
themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
Alcoholics Anonymous


They are totally dishonest and been taking money from the family
for decades. I hope she sees the light and now and cuts them both
lose because they are just taking us all down.
Both of them have put my life at risk in the past
and I have zero tolerance for abusive men,
and if they are brothers than it's even more deplorable.
An oldtime AA man in my area said that with people like this the only choice is;
"Stop giving them money. They will have to get on some public assistance."
Even if by some miracle they were to get clean and sober
so what are we supposed to do after 40 years of destruction and abuse.
Are supposed to hold their hand, clean up their mess,
and give them all of our money? Parents who enable family members
by giving them money are doing a huge disservice to the rest of the family.

This is all common sense.
Recovery 101.

hopeful4 05-16-2018 11:34 AM

You are correct.

Congratulations on your own recovery. Sending a big hug and prayers for all involved.

atalose 05-16-2018 11:51 AM

Yes congrats on your recovery and prayers for your mother to find the strength so that she discontinues enabling them further.

Maudcat 05-16-2018 03:08 PM

Hi, PinkCloud.
Welcome.
My alcohol addict sib has mooched so much money from my mother over the years that it’s not funny.
He has some money as he is on disability, but he would far rather go to Bank of Mom.
Periodically, I get on his case and tell him to knock it off.
This works for a while.
Mom is in denial about the whole thing. She says he doesn’t when I know darn well he does, as I manage her cash.
I could just scream sometimes.

thequest 05-16-2018 04:20 PM

Money mooching. Too common. I've seen seniors not so wealthy pushed to their financial limits enabling/ignoring the signs of alcoholic family.

The alcoholic and addict may need help but they have to accept it and work at their recovery and quest for sobriety. They must take responsibility for the consequences of their actions. If they bankrupted someone mooching money they must accept the fact they played as much a part in that because they are the ones that voluntary exploited the family relationship asking for/using borrowed money for their habit. Some might call it using the money in bad faith.

2 and a half decades sober, good job!

PinkCloud9 05-17-2018 06:00 AM

The narcissistic false sense of entitlement is so troublesome.
Not only are they addicts/alcoholics with an attitude of entitlement
but they are men with an attitude of entitlement towards a family of sober women.
Double jeopardy.
They have a history of using all manner of manipulation and deceit including
abusive verbal (sometimes even email and/or letters) harassment, bullying, guilt,
emotional blackmail and exploitation.
Men who exploit women are pathetic and morally bankrupt,
especially the using and abusing and of their mother, sisters, even their own children.
With his lack of providing for his own family he has put the drugs and alcohol first
and caused hardship for his family.

PinkCloud9 05-18-2018 10:22 AM

My sister said
Maybe we should help our brothers.
I said
We can't, there is nothing we can do.
She said
Yes there is
I said
No there is isn't. You don't know what you are talking about.
I know what I am talking about, and I can't help them either.


This is why the active alcoholic/addicts get away with so much abuse.
People in families need to become informed
and seek outside professional help and/or Al-Anon,
unless they will end up as a casualty of the disease also.

quote:
Alcoholism/Addiction is not a spectator sport.
Eventually the whole family gets to play.

Any feedback appreciated.

Mango212 05-18-2018 10:34 AM

I found that a complete break away from all toxic people in my life allowed me healing I hadn't found any other way. Al-anon, therapy and other self-care set a foundation to trust my instincts and the ability to make decisions for my healing first.

Many paths. Many ways to heal. Many wonderful people I'm meeting along the way.

There became a switch from being wrapped in fears and problems to living in the solution. I really don't know how or where that switch happened. Keeping an open mind and having curiosity are things that help me with it now. :)

BriarSkye 05-19-2018 04:23 AM

The best right thing to do is disassociate oneself from active alcoholics/addicts
including relatives, and cut them off financially. After such a long period of time in active addiction, this is basic.


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