divorce
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 124
divorce
does anyone here have any experience divorcing a narcissist /alcoholic?
I am exhausted. first the discovery part got dragged on..we are still not done with that. he did everything to stall it
now he wants a deposition set up for me. so my attorney asked him to depose too first since we are the petitioner.
so a date was set up. now he came back saying he is not available to depose in the morning but can come in the afternoon when my deposition is. all this while saying that they want to hurry up with the divorce.
he now also wants to drag it to trial.
it has been a year. I never heard from him after I left but this divorce is exhausting. we have no kids and no million dollar assets.
can anyone share their experience?
thank you
I am exhausted. first the discovery part got dragged on..we are still not done with that. he did everything to stall it
now he wants a deposition set up for me. so my attorney asked him to depose too first since we are the petitioner.
so a date was set up. now he came back saying he is not available to depose in the morning but can come in the afternoon when my deposition is. all this while saying that they want to hurry up with the divorce.
he now also wants to drag it to trial.
it has been a year. I never heard from him after I left but this divorce is exhausting. we have no kids and no million dollar assets.
can anyone share their experience?
thank you
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Raindrops.....ma ny years ago, I divorced my first husband....the father of my three children. He was/is very narcissistic, but not an alcoholic.
He didn't want the divorce...even though he made me miserable....and, did everything possible to be obstructive and blame everything on me.
That was a long time ago...and, my children are adults, now.
I haven't talked to him in a few decades, now....but...I hear through the children, and the grapevine, that he hasn't changed one single molecule!
I learned this...with a narcissistic person....don't ever give them the benefit of the doubt...don't ever try to be the "nice" person--thinking that they will reciprocate and co-operate, better.....and, especially--don't ever let them see you sweat or let them know that they got the better of you---they thrive on your reactions and your being upset.
The saying---"If you offer your hand, they will take your arm"....applies, here...
He didn't want the divorce...even though he made me miserable....and, did everything possible to be obstructive and blame everything on me.
That was a long time ago...and, my children are adults, now.
I haven't talked to him in a few decades, now....but...I hear through the children, and the grapevine, that he hasn't changed one single molecule!
I learned this...with a narcissistic person....don't ever give them the benefit of the doubt...don't ever try to be the "nice" person--thinking that they will reciprocate and co-operate, better.....and, especially--don't ever let them see you sweat or let them know that they got the better of you---they thrive on your reactions and your being upset.
The saying---"If you offer your hand, they will take your arm"....applies, here...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 90
Originally Posted by Raindrops 
does anyone here have any experience divorcing a narcissist /alcoholic?
I am exhausted. first the discovery part got dragged on..we are still not done with that. he did everything to stall it
now he wants a deposition set up for me. so my attorney asked him to depose too first since we are the petitioner.
so a date was set up. now he came back saying he is not available to depose in the morning but can come in the afternoon when my deposition is. all this while saying that they want to hurry up with the divorce.
he now also wants to drag it to trial.
it has been a year. I never heard from him after I left but this divorce is exhausting. we have no kids and no million dollar assets.
can anyone share their experience?
thank you
I am exhausted. first the discovery part got dragged on..we are still not done with that. he did everything to stall it
now he wants a deposition set up for me. so my attorney asked him to depose too first since we are the petitioner.
so a date was set up. now he came back saying he is not available to depose in the morning but can come in the afternoon when my deposition is. all this while saying that they want to hurry up with the divorce.
he now also wants to drag it to trial.
it has been a year. I never heard from him after I left but this divorce is exhausting. we have no kids and no million dollar assets.
can anyone share their experience?
thank you
Along my research I found this book from Dr. Karyl McBride. She gives tips on how to divorce the Narc.
https://www.amazon.com/Will-Ever-Fre...sap_bc?ie=UTF8
Not even kidding you, one of her colleagues and also a therapist for people abused by Narcissists, dated one of my ex-Narcs. They're still in touch. That's a story for another time....
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I wish you the best of luck!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 90
Originally Posted by dandylion
Raindrops.....ma ny years ago, I divorced my first husband....the father of my three children. He was/is very narcissistic, but not an alcoholic.
He didn't want the divorce...even though he made me miserable....and, did everything possible to be obstructive and blame everything on me.
That was a long time ago...and, my children are adults, now.
I haven't talked to him in a few decades, now....but...I hear through the children, and the grapevine, that he hasn't changed one single molecule!
I learned this...with a narcissistic person....don't ever give them the benefit of the doubt...don't ever try to be the "nice" person--thinking that they will reciprocate and co-operate, better.....and, especially--don't ever let them see you sweat or let them know that they got the better of you---they thrive on your reactions and your being upset.
The saying---"If you offer your hand, they will take your arm"....applies, here...
He didn't want the divorce...even though he made me miserable....and, did everything possible to be obstructive and blame everything on me.
That was a long time ago...and, my children are adults, now.
I haven't talked to him in a few decades, now....but...I hear through the children, and the grapevine, that he hasn't changed one single molecule!
I learned this...with a narcissistic person....don't ever give them the benefit of the doubt...don't ever try to be the "nice" person--thinking that they will reciprocate and co-operate, better.....and, especially--don't ever let them see you sweat or let them know that they got the better of you---they thrive on your reactions and your being upset.
The saying---"If you offer your hand, they will take your arm"....applies, here...
They get off on the fact that they've hurt you. I felt like my ex gave himself points for making me cry, or making me upset.
They will bait you to get angry. And even if I didnt get angry when baited, he would jab and say "well didnt you hear what i said? Arent you going to get upset". I could never win.
They say grey rock is the best approach. Don't initiate contact and when they do, document like crazy.
I tried to force either text or voicemails so everything could be used later if needed. It's exhausting always having to be two steps ahead of them.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I divorced and share children with a narcissist. It's not a fun path. Even though I divorced him, my children cannot. He is still their dad, and he still causes them pain on a regular basis. I can only say that I feel for you. His only meaning right now is to make you miserable. Accept that and have as minimal contact as possible.
Be glad you don't have children together. Sending you a big hug!
Be glad you don't have children together. Sending you a big hug!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
I thought my divorce was going to be easy, especially since my ex was the one that filed for it. I had left to live with friends for awhile to get my mind back, he told me that you can't have a marriage if you are not living together. This was from someone who would disappear about 10 months out of 12 months.
I lived in NJ, it's a no fault state. When I went to my attorney, I had done a lot of research. They have marital torts in NJ, but they need to be mentioned or sort at the time the divorce is filed. So, I checked the block for extreme mental cruelty, or egregious behavior. I had enough proof to substantiate that.
It still took me 18 months to have the divorce finalized. Discovery phase was horrible. He wouldn't submit anything, the judge even held him in contempt, and made him pay my lawyer $1750 for a wasted day in court.
I only stopped the , "marital tort" called "Tevis Case" in NJ, when he finally decided to cooperate.
I had no minor children at the time, and it was only a division of marital assets and alimony. He only agreed to an alimony amount because he was afraid of what the Judge would approve for me. That judge had already held him "in contempt". I really don't know of any divorces that really go to trial except for marital torts.
(((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
amy
I lived in NJ, it's a no fault state. When I went to my attorney, I had done a lot of research. They have marital torts in NJ, but they need to be mentioned or sort at the time the divorce is filed. So, I checked the block for extreme mental cruelty, or egregious behavior. I had enough proof to substantiate that.
It still took me 18 months to have the divorce finalized. Discovery phase was horrible. He wouldn't submit anything, the judge even held him in contempt, and made him pay my lawyer $1750 for a wasted day in court.
I only stopped the , "marital tort" called "Tevis Case" in NJ, when he finally decided to cooperate.
I had no minor children at the time, and it was only a division of marital assets and alimony. He only agreed to an alimony amount because he was afraid of what the Judge would approve for me. That judge had already held him "in contempt". I really don't know of any divorces that really go to trial except for marital torts.
(((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
amy
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 124
Yeah he was financially keeping me in the dark despite me asking him repeatedly to add my to a joint account. He wouldn't . I have a lot of text messages about that from him. I switched over to only texts the last two months . I have filed cruelty charges because I do have a recording of him being verbally abusive towards me while under the influence. I also have all the proof of fraud of community funds based on him moving around money without my knowledge. Texas allows for fault based divorces . His attorney has asked for a deposition which was awesome because now my attorney will get to grill him about everything and have it all recorded. I am not looking for revenge but what I want is what is owed to me in this marriage. What I deserve. It is exhausting to say the least. I am crying about all the money I have spent on attorney fees and I have no access to community funds at this time . But my god kept me fighting for my career through our marriage even though my husband wanted to destroy it. Control. Smh
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