Zukunft

Really appreciate these Forum discussions. My loved one is about to go into a detox and rehab program. I can choose whether I visit or not. Im thinking of not visiting until the detox stage is over. Any thoughts? Thanks in advance.

dandylion

Zuk.......how he does will depend, entirely on him. Not you. Therefore, I think that you should just do what you want to do.....
Most places have rules to go by, regarding phone calls and visiting, etc.
Basically, he will need to put his focus on issues and trying to benefit as much as he can from the program.....
This might be a good time for you to take a break from his issues and think about your own welfare.....

AnvilheadII

detox is not the place to visit. why? cuz it's DETOX.....some level of withdrawals, headaches, crabby as all get out, possibly throwing up and other flu-like stuff. i can't imagine HE would want a visitor either at that time........

i love dandy's idea of giving YOURSELF and him a break. let him settle in and GET this rehab train started. back in the day rehabs had a black out period, no calls, no contact for X amount of days, for that very reason. now they do everything but let the spouse bunk with the patient!!!

funal1

Detox is a medical treatment and if it is done in a hospital, there is no reason not to visit if you want to go. It may be a time to hold a sober conversation and discuss options for rehab etc. If you don't want to go, stay home secure in the knowledge that your loved one is being helped and you can relax. The choice is yours and there is no wrong decision.

Sleepyhollo

When my RaH went to rehab he was in detox for 2 days only becuse he had already quit drinking 2 weeks prior. He was allowed no contact though for the first week and after that only 5 Minutes a day for phone calls. We went to go see him for the first time after 2 weeks I believe

Zukunft

Thanks for your responses. I will visit this weekend. Not sure what to expect after 7 days of my loved one’s detox program but I’m not expecting hearts and roses and all things cheery. Getting myself emotionally and physically prepared for anything. Still not sure if I feel angry or regretful. Which is weird, not knowing or recognizing emotions. I’m definitely not feeling sad, sentimental or remorseful. That’s also weird. Thought these emotions would top the others but not so! I do feel calm and even content. Wow. That’s weird even acknowledging it in writing! I’ve had a great week being alone and enjoying the peace and quiet. Anyway, enough about me. How are you all going?

Mango212

Great acknowledgments.

I'm also greatly enjoying peace and quiet.

Spence7471

When my RAW was in detox, I saw her every day... visitation was limited to a couple hours each night, and i took those opportunities to bring her things she needed (she was admitted with few items). It was not a time for blaming her or getting after her for what she had done to herself, me, the family... most of it was just talking... she knew she had done me/family wrong. There were some heart-to-heart talks about where she goes next and possibly what it means for her and I.

She went to a residential rehab. Once there we had no contact for 7 days... then we started joint therapy sessions. During all this time, I took a break for me... started going to the gym and attending some meetings. I also researched the hell out of her addiction and what addiction really means. Learned a lot and let me be more understanding of the issues and what we had ahead of us.

Now my wife is back home and working on her program and trying hard.... so I am proud of her. She has boundaries and rules, and she is complying with them. When she slips off the plan, I point it out and just express my concern... how she gets back on track is left to her.

While you take time for yourself, please take time to understand what you are going to go thru in the next few months.

Zukunft

Thanks for your message. Sound like a very similar situation. I have been doing the research, thinking things through and already visited once. The boundary issues are crucial and I’m glad you mentioned them. I’m taking time to really work out exactly what boundaries will be set. I also have to accept that they may not be kept and need to develop compassionate strategies to keep myself from falling back into old patterns. I admire your compassion. It rings in every sentence! I’m not sure I can be that strong about it but willing to keep learning and loving.

VigilanceNow

I think it depends entirely on the program they have outlined for recovery. Most times, detox is not a pretty sight... I’ve been to 2, and it’s basically people in various stages of emotional and physical upheaval. Once in the rehab, generally no contact for the first week at least. It’s good to check in, but sometimes focusing on getting out gives people a kind of prison mentality and all they want is to go through the motions and let time pass.

Many rehabs do have a friends and family component where you can have a meeting with their counselor to discuss the roles each of you plays and how that can change for the better. Remember that it’s an emotional time; when I was in rehab, several people walked out of family day in tears either because they miss home or because something set them off. Definitely establishing boundaries is super important.

funal1

detox is different from rehab. detox comes first. It's the medical process of becoming sober. alcoholics should not quit drinking without medical help as it is often a very dangerous process. Once detox is complete - usually 2-5 days, it is time to go to rehab to learn about life without alcohol and get help sustaining a life that doesn't include alcohol. Usually done in rehab house or facility for 90 days or as out patient - generally takes longer. Most rehab places will not allow entry until the alcoholic has completed detox and is sober.