Originally Posted by Sasha1972

My take is that he was a good dad for a while (when I was married to him and was propping him up), and Kid probably has memories of that. When he's sober and not too crazy, he is funny and entertaining and generous. He is also very emotionally manipulative - he and his girlfriend tell Kid how sad he gets when she doesn't come to see him (and we all know what happens when Dad gets sad, don't we?), and how people are conspiring to keep him and Kid apart.

I believe he loves her in a way, and Kid senses this and hangs onto it - she doesn't want to lose that love, which I can understand. However his idea of "loving" someone doesn't involve doing any work - like complying with SoberLink long enough to get visits with his kid, or paying child support, or even minimal showing up. "Love" means involving the other person in lots of emotional drama without respect for their boundaries or their integrity. It's what he learned from his FOO, and I guess in that way he is a victim of circumstances.

But I have to work really hard to get to a place of compassion for his own life and for having the genetic and familial dice loaded against him when I think about the chaos he's inflicting on Kid and on me (and his other ex-wife, and his siblings, and his ex-friends, and his co-workers, and ... ).