Not sure what to make of contact again
 

So I was harshly discarded by my ex alcoholic gf roughly 70 days ago while she was in rehab. I have been working on me and feeling much more peace and just plan being happy and accepting what happened. The other night I was awakened by a ding on my phone at 1130pm. Well guess who it turned out to be..... Yep you guessed it my ex saying "u up?" Oh man i was kinda out of it cause i was so sleepy and decided to say "yea" and then she asked if I was up I said I am now . Needless to say she asks if I'm busy now and that she would like to see me and wants me to come over for sex. She then proceeds to say "I'm sorry thats sounds selfish of me." I said "yes it does" .

This girl broke up with me and we have had no contact for like 35 days and just when Im moving on and talking to other girls she appears yet again . I know she was not drinking again. She said she graduated her rehab that day and that she hasn't had sex in 3 months like it was a big joke.

Why would she contact me again after letting me go ? I know I shouln't of even answered her text . But my curiosity got the best of me . Guess I'm weak that way. I mean my guess is to use me for sex. Just wanted to see if my thinking is right .

Sounds about right. I mean, she stated as much.

Addicts are all about tickling that pleasure center. Sex is but one way. What a selfish text and request. Did she ask you how you've been since the breakup?

You sound like you know it would be trouble, but just in case you're not 100% clear - it would be trouble.

Your thinking is correct, try not to read any more into it then what it actually was.

Woundedone......I agree with the other. above posters....that your thinking is correct.
It is not surprising, though, that she would contact you. Grabbing on to the closest, convenient person to increase dopamine levels in their midbrain and distract themselves from the real heaving lifting that true and lasting recovery requires. the fast and easy Feel Good.
As you recognized.. it is selfish and self serving. About her needs and not about your overall welfare, at all.

It will be your job to look out for your own welfare, because she can't or won't.
If you let yourself get sucked in....when the hurtin' time comes, again....and, it surely will....you will be the one hurting...not her......

^^^^ Yep. Trouble.

This is very typical of an alcoholic. We often warn folks who have been dumped that this won't be the last they here from the XSO.

You have probably heard that Alcoholics don't have relationships; they take hostages. She is reeling you into the trap.

Many of us did what we could to prevent contact: block, block, block. Or as in my case, as I am old, move out of the country.

If it makes you feel better, most of us, 3 months out, would have answered that text. I sure would have.

Hug to you and take care of yourself.

Yep. She harshly dumps you. Then after about a month she decides to see if she can make a booty call without considering your feelings. She even knows she's being selfish... but does she care? If she did, she would never have picked up the phone.

Wounded One, this might sting but it's closer to the truth: she's thinking about herself, not you.

While we want to think our addict thinks/cares/wants us, it's not for the reasons that's healthy for us.

Especially since she's just out of rehab, the first thing an addict starts to gravitate towards is some level of familiarity, be it a place, person or mindset.

The only good, which also happens to be the best, thing she's done was cut you loose.

Trust this opinion from someone who's still married to an addict: you don't want to get any closer to this situation than you already have been.

So I'll give you the advice I gave someone else very recently:

It's time to grab hold of the wheel, turn towards a new destiny and repeat the lines of Captain Jack Sparrow: 'Now, bring me the horizon!'

Something else we often tell people here…………

No new contact = no new hurts.

Block her from contacting you. You were on your way towards healing and then bam She texts you and that is like ripping off the band aid before the womb has had a chance to heal. Then her selfishness was like adding a dash of salt into that womb.

that's just.........vile. who does that???

yup, time to block her, cut off all forms of contact and move along. i know you think she was not drinking, but that sure sounds like drunk booty call to me.

LOL........pulling bandaid off the "Womb"......adding dash of salt into the "Womb"....
lol.....
That is a new one.......lol.....

NO she never asked how I felt or how have I been. She could care less.

I totally agree with you all. Its funny because I was startled at first from the text but then my mind really didn't care much. Only a little . Its like I think I have really let her go emotionally and in the feelings department. Thank goodness!!!! But I always wanna make sure Im doing and thinking straight. This woman had such a powerful hold over me in that past. She goes away for 90 days and I'm a changed person. I am so glad she let me go during rehab or my butt would've been here waiting on her. It truly is such a blessing when they break up with you. Its amazing until they rear their insane heads again.

Thank you everyone for the positive feedback that I did the right thing.

OHHHH and i forgot the best part when he was denied she said "I have been dealt a ****** hand in life .I should just go to the gas station and buy a beer. What is that pity for herself or trying to make me feel like I would be the cause of her relapse???

I'd guess that she was drunk or high. It's called "drunk dialing".

She gets very violent with her words when she has been drinking. And her words were nothing like what she would say to me before. For example she has said she should kill me while very very intoxicated. But I guess if she was just beginning to drink maybe her words would be mild to start.... But I honestly have never encountered her to be mild EVER. Perplexing

So manipulative. It sounds like she already did buy a beer or she wants an excuse to do so.


It sounds like you are doing great. Take care of yourself

I am doing 100% better ! I can see way more clearly that this relationship was a mess. I have to admit though The next day I had muscle aches and a bad headache from her contacting. At least thats what Im guessing. Its like the stress started to form again subconsciously. I feel I got to nip this in the butt before it all starts again . She made me physically ill in the past. No way she's gonna do that to me again. :thanks

:c011::c011::c011:

So good to hear this Woundedone. Congrats on having a steep learning curve. Many are not as wise as you.

Keep taking care of yourself and let us know how you are doing.

Yeah..my exAgf tried to drag me into some drama the other day,that I had nothing to do with and it 'shook me up' for a bit. I'm just over 'here' minding my own business and getting on with the new sober life I'm building and then wham! Really reminds you who/what/how they are. Good riddance.

Sorry you have this going on. Sadly typical behaviour. As explained in above posts.

Thank you for sharing about this. It has been very helpful for me too to read about it. Giving me clarity.

Wishing you all the best and that when you are ready, you find the person and relationship you deserve.