dawnrising

Uuuugghhh. So a few weeks ago AH hastily put together a semi disclosure, I found a couple of mistakes ....120k left off and valuations of stock grants valued at 50% instead of 100%. All this was was a disclosure and then a proposed split on a spreadsheet that he developed. We didn't have details of how certain accounts worked, pensions, etc. He then wants an answer to the proposal within days, I said no. Now 2 weeks later he has asked for mediation and trial dates. His impatience is astounding. I had told him it took 22 years to accumulate and its gonna take awhile to review but apparently he couldn't wait. He has unleashed a can of worms with my attorney. The list of people she plans to depose is growing. I really didn't want to drag my kids through this. Doesn't he know when they depose all these people they have to tell the truth. Our daughter staging an intervention, unable to wake him, the passing out, the throwing up, the embarrassing behavior with her friends, the drunk driving. Our son was actually in an accident with him where the police officer told me that had he not been there AH would get an automatic felony, the neighbor he had the accident with, the neighbors who have witnessed his bizarre behavior at parties, my family members who have seen the alcohol induced mood swings and passing out. Why would he risk that I just don't understand? He is going to lose so much and I don't know why he would sign up for that? Is he that delusional or that arrogant, not too mention this will eventually cost him a fortune. Nothing makes sense none of it. Hasn't he hurt the kids enough, I can handle it but to put your kids through this knowing the truth they will tell just seems stupid.

Maudcat

Hi, dawnrising.
Sounds like the alcohol addicted brain is making the decisions.
Addicts always think they can justify their way out of their bad behavior.
Makes zero sense, but you can’t expect rationality from a drunk.
Hang in there.

firebolt

They sure can be. I hope you have a lot of things documented, and if not start now!! I wonder if these are some scare tactics that he will give up on as soon as he figures out how difficult this will be.

Deep breaths, keep moving forward, all that stuff. I know its easier said than done in the middle of the madness.

dandylion

dawnrising......denial...denial...denial.....It is very powerful in an alcoholic....without the protection of denial....it would be hard to behave as they do.

dawnrising

I have been documenting for years so no problem there. I have always been a writer so I have all his written responses to me about the behavior as well when he’s been confronted. It’s just crazy I was hoping he would just fade from my life and try and salvage a relationship with the kids but it seems he’ll bent on destroying all of it.

Raindrops

Your divorce story sounds like mine. Hidden finances, all the hidden alcohol, all of it is on paper and he is still in denial. I have an audio recording of him being drunk and abusive and I handed that his attorney - still denial. Counter blaming , projections- all of it. It's crazy making and a circus - my divorce and he still won't back off or accept his part. Not just him but his family too. My attorney and I are dumbfounded. He has no idea what that recording can do to his career but he is hell bent on destroying it all. Egomaniacs

FreedomCA

My RAH did the same thing because of his ego. Now that he has sobered up from rehab he realizes how stupid he was to spend all that money on an attorney only to learn I was going to get mostly everything, including alimony since he was arrested for battery one year ago and that works against you. He now wants to cancel the divorce. Such an idiot!!! Now he’s left with debt in attorney bills, which by the way his delusional parents helped him pay since they thought me being controlling and obsessive were leading to his meth use, despite the fact that he was in rehab for meth use when I met him!!!

hopeful4

LOL, he wants a trial and mediation....and for things to be rushed? Not going to happen, he is walking on his own feet.

Sounds like he was trying to get one over on you, protect yourself. No one wants to drag their kids through divorce, but the reality is divorce is never pretty.

You just keep doing the next right thing for you and your kids, that's all you can do.

dawnrising

Many people my life believe this is another attempt to bully me into rushing a decision. The thing is he knows I have lots of proof, audio recordings, pictures, letters, witnesses including his own children. I don't know if its a control thing or maybe he has a girlfriend or maybe he's lost his mind. AH is a high paid executive and once the attorney starts deposing people the S&*% is gonna fly and everyone will know his dirty secrets, he's risking everything. All he had to do was help himself and get healthy and it would be a different outcome. Its just so sad, sad for him, sad for me and especially sad for our kids.

TropicalWinter

Oh man, I know all about feeling rushed and bullied into making a decision. I actually yelled "You are NOT my boss!" to him once time - he was trying to tell me how long I had (according to HIM) to sign some paperwork. Um, no.

Now, that paperwork that he was wanting me to sign is damning evidence of his attempt to completely screw me over. Funny how that works.

Sasha1972

Also remember - some addicts have high thresholds for excitement and stimulation, so they need (or think they need) all kinds of drama going on to let them know that they're alive. Mundane life is too slow or boring for them. My ex could create all kinds of insanity and misery for no reason (that I could see). Then I figured out that he actually thrives on the adrenaline and the crisis. If life doesn't hand him crises, he will make them.

For what it's worth, in my limited experience in family court, judges see this crap all the time. They do not like people who try to drag minor children into things. They also do not like people who create more litigation than necessary. The last time I was in court because of nonsense originated by ex, the judge was clearly not happy. He ruled in my favor, and even gave me a thumbs-up from the bench, which is kind of surprising from an august judge.

It takes time, money and energy but if you have documented everything and stay focused on minimal engagement with ex, in the end he will self-destruct. Your ex probably thinks he's a unique and special individual, but he is actually a predictable type, and a type which most judges can't stand. That's one of the things I learned about my ex as things get dragged through litigation.

(My only bit of advice is that if he's still drinking, mediation is probably a waste of time and money. Many experienced mediators won't work with clients who are still in active addiction because they won't adhere to whatever agreements are worked out. It might be worth skipping mediation and going straight to court, where you'll get a legally binding ruling).