Stacy0701

In ways my marriage is in the same place but I feel I am in a better place. My husband & I have been roommates for the last 7 months. He is forever saying if you are a good wife then I could quit. I am done feeling any guilt for I am still here & I would be here for him should he decide to quit but he puts all this emphasis on intimacy when we barely talk. Last month he got his own bank account & said he was getting his own apartment. I actually thought it might be better to separate instead of walking on eggshells at home. I continue to go to counseling & feel good about where I am at. My husband continues to say he wants to quit drinking but does not do anything. Now he is going back into desperation mode which he has done before. He did not even share with me that he had not drank for a few days & now on his 3rd day I get a text that he is committed to this but I am never going to change. He even said now that he has a clear mind he can tell I am not going to put any effort into this. Clear mind? After 2 days of not drinking? I know he is desperate but I have educated myself too much & with counseling see right through him. He does not understand, first things first, work on yourself then we can work on the marriage. So is it better to not reply to such texts? I know he is not seeing clearly & is panicking but we have a lot of work to do & if he wants the quick fix, it might be better to move out & work on himself & when he is in a better place, we can then work on our marriage. Thoughts?

FreedomCA

Sounds like a good idea for him to move out and then you both can work on yourselves and decide in time if you want to stay married and/or live together again. It would be great if he could develop some type of plan that would help support him not drinking.

tomsteve

So is it better to not reply to such texts?

welp, you could reply and give him more ammunition to use to continue playing the victim.
or let him whirl.

FireSprite

Lol, no. Of course not. Quack, quack.

Blameshifting. Manipulation tactic.

Sure, IMO. Or - generic responses. "sorry you feel that way"...

Sounds like he's attempting to get sober without recovering. I have A LOT of experience with this & can tell you it does not work. Its like putting a band aid on a broken arm & always wondering why it won't heal right.

AnvilheadII

So is it better to not reply to such texts?

reply to what exactly? did he ask a DIRECT question that requires a SPECIFIC answer? sounds more like he was just spewing crap.

and people who live in the same house, zipcode or country even, should NOT be discussing their marriage, their relationship, any heavy stuff VIA TEXT.

says ME.

we have a saying - Recovery LOOKS LIKE Recovery. is there anything you are seeing in Mr. Clear Mind that LOOKS like recovery? claiming to have something slightly over 48 hours off the sauce and then blaming YOU for the problems is NOT IT.

Spence7471

There is no harm in replying to the texts as long as you are not sucked into the games that may get played. If replying, I would just keep reiterating your boundaries.... show him you are staying strongfast to your commitment.. maybe that will give him the encouragement to stay to his.

NYCDoglvr

I'd tell him to call after a year of sobriety and not before.

Bekindalways

Congrats Stacy. It sounds like you have made lots of progress on your own recovery.

No matter how good a wife you are, you can not cure his alcoholism. It doesn't sound like there is any reason to reply to his texts.

Keep healing and taking that next baby step.