2kind4me

Posted before. If it’s redundant I’m sorry. I am back and forth constantly with where I stand on this. He says he’s sober for 2 months. He’s been going to AA almost daily but he still has these times that he’s hyper. His speech is pressured and he doesn’t stop talking. After finding out 5 years into dating that he’s been hiding alcohol and drinking it a little at a time, I concluded that the hyper moods were not some hypomania but probably drunk. Now he’s supposed to be sober but there’s still nights like that. Does alcohol make people hyper ??

Nata1980

Alcohol can make people all kinds of ways.

With my XAH, it is extremely important for me to know he is sober - since he gets time with our son, and I would not want him to be under influence while interacting with DS or driving him around.

At the same time - it’s not my job to be his sobriety police. I test him on a regular basis to provide myself with a peace of mind about DS beign with him - but this is where it stops.

Why is this important for you to know he is sober? What happens if he is not? I wish you peace and serenity, please know that your happiness does not hinge on his sobriety or lack of thereof

AnvilheadII

if you don't trust him, you don't trust him.
which isn't a good basis for any relationship.

wistrong

Alcohol didn't make my x like that, but drugs sure did. Hopefully that is not the discovery you make.

wistrong

sorry , wrong post !!! It's getting close to bedtime!

dandylion

2kind4me......I know several people who are pretty closed mouthed, but, when drinking, chatter like a magpie....and, some repeat themselves over and over...and, some talk louder when they are drinking....
If youthink he is drinking...especially according to how he sounded, when he was drinking, in the past....he probably is....

L4Serenity

This is very interesting to me, as i have really struggled in the past trying to figure out if my xah is drinking or what. It was alcohol in the beginning and marijuana. Then pills got in the mix. I did not understand the difference in his actions until the pills practically fell in my lap. Once i had seen the pills, i was shocked that he would even choose them, let alone mix with alcohol. But drunk it was either really relaxed, or talking a mile a minute. Mostly talking fast and repeating himself and no one could get a word in, going round and round. When pills began, it was a overly happy almost disgusting happy because he was never that way normally so it was way too obvious. The red glossy eyes were a dead give away as well. And, if he stayed upright, he could go all day and most the night. But if he laid down, he was out. I'm thinking their were different pills that had different outcomes or that he could have had more than one at one point or mixed with who knows what. Either way, i had a hard time telling what each mood was whether it be pills, marijuana or just alcohol. And once mixed, i really had no idea. He talks fast and trips a lot on his words but at the same time, uses reason and makes connections in his long drawn out speeches as they go round and round about the same thing. Sometimes he talks so fast and boggles my mind with it all, that i think something must be wrong with me, i just cant keep up.......and i'm sober......

Wamama48

Does he have a Bipolar diagnosis? I have Bipolar, and what you described sounds similar. Does he get ideas that he thinks are amazing, or have lots of energy and only needs a few hours, or no, sleep? Just throwing that out there. Could be drinking, or drugs, or Bipolar, or all three. But if your gut is making you think he's drinking, listen to it.

FreedomCA

That’s great he is going to a meeting every day! I would suggest not worrying so much if he is sober but rather be more concerned how he is treating you. If my RAH is somehow drinking behind my back but treating me like a princess with respect, I really don’t care if he is drinking behind my back. But if he is drinking, I doubt that his behavior will be respectful and it eventually will be revealed.

2kind4me

So I work in mental health so I know what bipolar looks like. In some ways, these days seem what we’d call hypomanic. I have thought, over the last 5 years, that he had some milder version of bipolar disorder. He certainly may have that. We don’t live together and he’s usually more hyper on the phone. Can’t get a word in etc. but usually when I’m with him he’s sweet and mellow. It would be different than classic bipolar because episodes last longer than one day - usually but not always.
Anyway. When his alcohol use became a problem he was going to drive with the kids in the car. He was hiding his alcohol and I think he convinced himself it was ok because he was just drinking a little at a tine. I can’t have that. It’s unsafe and it would also mean he’s lying every day.

aliciagr

My husband was hyper when using cocaine, but not alcohol. I was going to make the same remark - its possible there is another mental health issue going on. Has he seen a doctor/therapist? Unfortunately, as you probably know from your field of work, some people go undiagnosed and self medicate with alcohol or drugs in an attempt to level themselves. Even if hes going to AA, think he still needs to get a professional assessment for his overall health.

AutumnMama

I'm kind of going through the same thing with my RAH right now! He isn't drinking (that I know of, he moved out a few weeks ago) but he seems to have two different personalities. What precipitated him moving out was me finding out that he was going to great lengths (spy cameras) to hide that he was taking prescription medicine (xanax, adderall, sleeping pills) so I have chalked the two different personalities up to RAH on and off pills. Probably the adderall. I have noticed no ADHD tendencies with him in the past but he says it helps him. He gets more talkative, emotive, and aggressive. His eyes look "big"--like I can see more of the white of them than normal. And they usually look pretty glassy.

The codependent in me REALLY wants to know if it's the pills (and he's abusing them), if it's a drug, if it's drinking, if it's a mental health thing, etc. The recovering codependent in me knows that I need to mind my side of the street and not to worry about it unless it's impacting his ability to watch our son.

FireSprite

I am no medical professional, but I can share my experience. When my husband was Dx with ADHD & medicated with Adderall, it did the exact opposite that you describe. He was more in control, less aggressive, etc. It calmed his brain & allowed him to slow down & focus rather than the speeded up, fragmented "normal" hyperfocus he described.

In my reading on this topic, the side affects you describe are more in line with someone taking Adderall that doesn't need it for a medical condition. That's why high school & college kids get so addicted to it - it keeps them UP for all those classes & assignments & late night socializing - has he been officially diagnosed?

atalose

I think your instincts are saying something to you that you probably don’t want to hear!

What’s the next step that you will take if in fact your intuition is correct and he is in fact drinking again?

Maybe that next step is to scary or to permanent for you to think about right now so it’s easier to get lost in the confusion of - is he or isn’t he.

AutumnMama

We were seeing the same psychologist for a while (I've found a new one) but the psychologist said he told RAH that he was describing some symptoms that sounded like ADHD. Then RAH went to a medical doctor and took whatever questionnaire they give you before they write a prescription. So officially? Probably not. The psychologist also told me he didn't recommend that RAH go get a prescription or anything like that.

I think one of his main stressors was work, or feeling like he had too much to do and not enough time. So it's a way to "cope" with that and feel/be more productive. He seems pretty normal on the weekends, which is when he says he doesn't take it.

So I guess I have my opinions on whether or not he needs it, but he doesn't seem to be abusing it enough for anyone but me to notice. I'm sure there's a slippery slope there but if he's not living with me... *shrug* He's told me he only has addiction issues with alcohol and pain killers and everything else he can start and stop as he pleases, etc. Okay, buddy!

Onefortheditch

Nearly drove myself mad looking for clues as to whether he was cheating during his alleged 11 day hiatus.
Even chased him round with a breathalyser.
That’s how mad this made me.