Homeless, penniless and numb
 

Hello
I haven't been on this site for a long long time.
I was with my other half for 17 years and we broke up at the weekend.

She's arranged things so that I have no claim to our home and because I trusted and followed her around the world for her career I now have no job, money or security. I'm fecked basically.

I am very lucky to have the support of women's aid in my country, the local councils and various support agencies but I'm very afraid I'll make the same mistakes as before or even want to go back in a moment of weakness. I need to sort myself.

I'm just not sure how

Hi Bahookie,

Wow sounds like you have a lot going on right now. Have you ever been to Al-Anon? It might be a good place to start for some face to face support?

Welcome back Bahookie. I hope you find that you can turn over a new leaf.

It does sound like you have been through the wringer. Give yourself some time; grieve; heal and take whatever tiny step you can to make a plan!

I have no advice for you. I do want you to know you are not alone though. There are many people here who really care, and are willing to help and support you. Many of us have been where you are. Sending uyou a big cyber hug.

Hi. I went through a similar situation like yours. Mine was not 17 but 5 years. My god was watching over me. I had let my career go to the ruins while helping my husband build his career. Little did I know that when I would file for divorce , it would be the roughest ride of my life. Hidden finances, manipulation, just a beast. Not only him but his parents were the same. Everytime I reached out to them after his binges , I was manipulated into believing that I was the bad one. That I must've done something bad for him to be the way he is. It is a lot of trauma and grief to process. I would highly suggest al anon. It is keeping me sane through my divorce. You will find a fellowship where people understand and support. What do your state laws say about property division? You can approach the court and ask them to assign you an attorney for you. Do you have any relatives you can stay with in the meantime ? reach out to the women's support group in your area. They have tons of resources. There are organisations that will even help with legal fees.
Hugs

Please get some legal advice, you may be entitled to more than you think after 17 years with this person.

You may be going through painful, difficult times now but I promise that pain heals eventually and we become wiser and stronger for the experience.

Good luck.

Thank you for your replies. I haven't tried alanon because she and her mother are stalwarts of it here in my city. She identifies as an alcoholic but I know the reason she won't go to AA is that they will call her out for smoking grass every day - and hiding it in her body when she travels abroad.
She is good at telling the story that alanon members want to hear and not so good at honesty to herself and others.

I have free legal advice but right now it looks like I have to hunker down, be kind to myself and enjoy the hugely symbolic bed I got second hand. It's the first thing for my new life.