Creating an abundance mentality (maybe a little OT)
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Join Date: Jun 2013
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Creating an abundance mentality (maybe a little OT)
I was recently reading this article about how most people live life on the principle of scarcity. We think there is a lack of things in life and opportunities are few and far between. There will never be enough and opportunities are few and far between. Some people living this way save EVERYTHING - never spend a dime, the article I read had an example of a woman with 6 million in the bank but living very modestly for fear of losing it all. Others living this way (like me! LOL) have the mentality I must get it now at all costs or the opportunity will leave me....so we spend and go into debt when we don't need to do get what we need now so we don't lose the perceived scare opportunity.
Anyway I was thinking of this in regard to my XRAH and how long it took me to let him go. I think I stayed so long because I thought opportunities for relationships were scarce...and I better hold on to the one I had or I would have none...so the first scenario above. And that attitude btw I think could be self fulfilling if I push it out there in the universe!
I realized lately the solution to all this is to live abundantly. I recently had a daughter via surrogacy and bought a house so needless to say I am living with very little disposable income and a lot of debt....and I had been feeling badly about it...like "I'll never have anything again and I'm missing opportunities". But thinking more abundantly and less scarcity really one of my debts 2000 per month will be paid off by the end of the year....and this is my largest one. So no it isn't forever and there will be more opportunities then.
Also yes I'm single with a young daughter....that doesn't mean there will be no relationship opportunities ever...if I think abundantly there are men out there that would love to meet me and love kids so I can't just jump into the first relationship or worry about the scarcity of one.
The other thing I realized in the article is being happy for others is part of an abundance attitude...sometimes I get jealous of what others have that I want...but if there's an abundance and not a scarcity...well it makes more sense to be happy for them because there's some out there for me too...it will come when it's time.
A little OT maybe but in terms of codependency I was thinking this scarcity attitude is maybe why some of us stay! Even when my XRAH got sober the thing is we both changed and I realized we were different...for me to have stayed in that relationship due to feeling "scarcity" would have made me unhappy in the long run.
Anyway I was thinking of this in regard to my XRAH and how long it took me to let him go. I think I stayed so long because I thought opportunities for relationships were scarce...and I better hold on to the one I had or I would have none...so the first scenario above. And that attitude btw I think could be self fulfilling if I push it out there in the universe!
I realized lately the solution to all this is to live abundantly. I recently had a daughter via surrogacy and bought a house so needless to say I am living with very little disposable income and a lot of debt....and I had been feeling badly about it...like "I'll never have anything again and I'm missing opportunities". But thinking more abundantly and less scarcity really one of my debts 2000 per month will be paid off by the end of the year....and this is my largest one. So no it isn't forever and there will be more opportunities then.
Also yes I'm single with a young daughter....that doesn't mean there will be no relationship opportunities ever...if I think abundantly there are men out there that would love to meet me and love kids so I can't just jump into the first relationship or worry about the scarcity of one.
The other thing I realized in the article is being happy for others is part of an abundance attitude...sometimes I get jealous of what others have that I want...but if there's an abundance and not a scarcity...well it makes more sense to be happy for them because there's some out there for me too...it will come when it's time.
A little OT maybe but in terms of codependency I was thinking this scarcity attitude is maybe why some of us stay! Even when my XRAH got sober the thing is we both changed and I realized we were different...for me to have stayed in that relationship due to feeling "scarcity" would have made me unhappy in the long run.
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What a great reminder!
Originally Posted by Aeryn 
I was recently reading this article about how most people live life on the principle of scarcity. We think there is a lack of things in life and opportunities are few and far between. There will never be enough and opportunities are few and far between. Some people living this way save EVERYTHING - never spend a dime, the article I read had an example of a woman with 6 million in the bank but living very modestly for fear of losing it all. Others living this way (like me! LOL) have the mentality I must get it now at all costs or the opportunity will leave me....so we spend and go into debt when we don't need to do get what we need now so we don't lose the perceived scare opportunity.
Anyway I was thinking of this in regard to my XRAH and how long it took me to let him go. I think I stayed so long because I thought opportunities for relationships were scarce...and I better hold on to the one I had or I would have none...so the first scenario above. And that attitude btw I think could be self fulfilling if I push it out there in the universe!
I realized lately the solution to all this is to live abundantly. I recently had a daughter via surrogacy and bought a house so needless to say I am living with very little disposable income and a lot of debt....and I had been feeling badly about it...like "I'll never have anything again and I'm missing opportunities". But thinking more abundantly and less scarcity really one of my debts 2000 per month will be paid off by the end of the year....and this is my largest one. So no it isn't forever and there will be more opportunities then.
Also yes I'm single with a young daughter....that doesn't mean there will be no relationship opportunities ever...if I think abundantly there are men out there that would love to meet me and love kids so I can't just jump into the first relationship or worry about the scarcity of one.
The other thing I realized in the article is being happy for others is part of an abundance attitude...sometimes I get jealous of what others have that I want...but if there's an abundance and not a scarcity...well it makes more sense to be happy for them because there's some out there for me too...it will come when it's time.
A little OT maybe but in terms of codependency I was thinking this scarcity attitude is maybe why some of us stay! Even when my XRAH got sober the thing is we both changed and I realized we were different...for me to have stayed in that relationship due to feeling "scarcity" would have made me unhappy in the long run.
Anyway I was thinking of this in regard to my XRAH and how long it took me to let him go. I think I stayed so long because I thought opportunities for relationships were scarce...and I better hold on to the one I had or I would have none...so the first scenario above. And that attitude btw I think could be self fulfilling if I push it out there in the universe!
I realized lately the solution to all this is to live abundantly. I recently had a daughter via surrogacy and bought a house so needless to say I am living with very little disposable income and a lot of debt....and I had been feeling badly about it...like "I'll never have anything again and I'm missing opportunities". But thinking more abundantly and less scarcity really one of my debts 2000 per month will be paid off by the end of the year....and this is my largest one. So no it isn't forever and there will be more opportunities then.
Also yes I'm single with a young daughter....that doesn't mean there will be no relationship opportunities ever...if I think abundantly there are men out there that would love to meet me and love kids so I can't just jump into the first relationship or worry about the scarcity of one.
The other thing I realized in the article is being happy for others is part of an abundance attitude...sometimes I get jealous of what others have that I want...but if there's an abundance and not a scarcity...well it makes more sense to be happy for them because there's some out there for me too...it will come when it's time.
A little OT maybe but in terms of codependency I was thinking this scarcity attitude is maybe why some of us stay! Even when my XRAH got sober the thing is we both changed and I realized we were different...for me to have stayed in that relationship due to feeling "scarcity" would have made me unhappy in the long run.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
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Thank you Aeryn for continuing to come back and update us!! You are truly an inspiration to me...our stories have similarities and differences, but your accomplishments remind me what can be done!
I have to look into this further as I suspect I’m living in the scarcity mentality which is probably due in part to this being the first time in my life that I have lived alone. In my case, the end result is lack of action...don’t expend the resources in case something bad happens!!
I have to look into this further as I suspect I’m living in the scarcity mentality which is probably due in part to this being the first time in my life that I have lived alone. In my case, the end result is lack of action...don’t expend the resources in case something bad happens!!
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Thank you for sharing Aeryn. I get stuck in this sometimes and it helps to be reminded to look at the big picture. Big hugs, your story has always touched my heart. I hope you and your sweet girl are doing wonderfully!
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I posted this because this is where I'm at in my recovery right now....I feel like it's time to think in abundance and if I don't I think I'll be stuck. Sure I'm out of the codependent relationship and I've worked on some of my codie traits (perfectionism, fear of confrontation etc) but I think the next step is thinking abundantly. Another example is I was thinking since I'm over 40 my opportunities to make some big investment or career move are done - NOT TRUE!!
I remember an old poster here (one of my personal faves) her name was LaTeeDa I believe...and back when I hadn't even started recovery she posted something on abundance and I didn't get it at the time...but now it just makes sense...I just had to be in the right place in recovery to do it I think.
Anyway I'm very interested in pursing this idea of living abundantly....if anyone has any good resources please post them.
I remember an old poster here (one of my personal faves) her name was LaTeeDa I believe...and back when I hadn't even started recovery she posted something on abundance and I didn't get it at the time...but now it just makes sense...I just had to be in the right place in recovery to do it I think.
Anyway I'm very interested in pursing this idea of living abundantly....if anyone has any good resources please post them.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 431
Originally Posted by hopeful4
. I hope you and your sweet girl are doing wonderfully!
She is the best thing I ever did.....the hardest but the best....I never knew so much love was possible until I had little E (that's what I call her her name starts with E). I'm so glad I went through the struggle...the debt, the surgeries leaving my XRAH to free my mind so I could do it...best decision of my life....leaving was hard but I wouldn't have little E had I not.
I'm thinking if I start really working on living abundantly I'll be an even better mom.
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My best work around abundance has come via Brene Brown (Daring Greatly), Abraham/Ester Hicks (mostly youtube videos - there are tons) but it pops up in yoga here & there & lots of other resources too:
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...k-being-afraid
https://www.gaia.com/article/aparigr...-our-abundance
https://www.yogajournal.com/yoga-101/radiant-power
https://www.yogajournal.com/yoga-101/path-happiness
https://chopra.com/articles/10-steps...ndance-mindset
Like gratitude, I have developed a practice of abundance - it's not a single thought or single-stroke change.
It's reprogramming yourself to stop seeing the scarcity in front of you & creating your reality from the mind instead.
It's a way of spending your last $5 with faith that $10 is on the way to replace it.
It's a way of talking to yourself internally, reminding yourself that more is coming - more love, more respect, more money, more everything.
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...k-being-afraid
https://www.gaia.com/article/aparigr...-our-abundance
https://www.yogajournal.com/yoga-101/radiant-power
https://www.yogajournal.com/yoga-101/path-happiness
https://chopra.com/articles/10-steps...ndance-mindset
Like gratitude, I have developed a practice of abundance - it's not a single thought or single-stroke change.
It's reprogramming yourself to stop seeing the scarcity in front of you & creating your reality from the mind instead.
It's a way of spending your last $5 with faith that $10 is on the way to replace it.
It's a way of talking to yourself internally, reminding yourself that more is coming - more love, more respect, more money, more everything.
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