Sad, hurt, angry
 

I allowed my adult son to home plan with me after being released from prison 6/2018 - alcohol/drugs/parole violation. Why? I believe the best in everyone, believe that everyone needs a chance to succeed. Even an alcoholic/drug addict with a long history. After all, he had been clean and sober for over 3 years, and was currently on medications for his bipolar disease. So I provided food, shelter, and security to begin anew. He obtained his drivers license after many years of suspension, was granted permission by me to drive my secondary car with the mutual agreement no drinking and driving, even got a part-time job, kept up with PO, counselor, etc.

Fast forward...... continued drinking Vodka, of course spiraled into excessive amounts. DWI, car and privileges of driving it taken away, didn't show up for court appearance, warrant for his arrest issued, I called the police after he took off walking highly intoxicated and being verbally abusive to me. Released after time served (just a few days) to homelessness. Now I'm meddling and interfering.

Heavy heart here.

Terribly sad news. I’m so sorry to hear this. My heart goes out to you.
I’ve been there too, trying too hard to help my son get on his feet. Too many times.

Heartbreaking, that after all your kindness and love, nothing you do helps the alcoholic and that’s so hard for us mothers to grasp.

You must let him go and let him suffer the consequences of his behaviour and heal yourself. There’s no other way. I’ve tried.

After letting go, things slowly improve and all I can say is that it works if you work it. I’m the last person that would give up on my son after about 20 years. But I gave up and went to CoDa where I have found a place of comfort and healing. I’m on Step 3 now and trust my Higher Power absolutely.

Do this for you. Let him go.

Big hug to you.

Ugh. For parents it does seem like an entire new level of pain.

Do you have a support system? Alanon? Please take care of yourself this is beyond excruciating.

Just sending hugs and support

Welcome to friends and family forum, Kbow. You are among good souls here...so sorry for what you are going through, but it's good you came here and posted. Sending a big hug.

This has to be the hardest when you're a parent and it's your son or daughter, my heart goes out to you.

My qualifier was my XRAH so I don't have a lot of experience but I do know this, I had to let him fall for him to recover (and I had to recover myself I was as sick as he with my enabling and codependency)....and I really thought he never would when I finally left him, it was only after DUI #2 and a myriad of other issues due to me not holding him up anymore that he hit bottom. It was something I wasn't expecting and that had nothing to do with me. I was watching an addiction show the other day and the lady helping the family let go of their child said even though they had to let go and live their lives that you never know what the future holds, she said and I quote "as long as they're still breathing there's hope they will choose recovery at some point, but until then you have to let them live their life and you live yours." That really touched me because it I thought it was a good example of healthy detachment....you detach not because you don't love them but because you don't want to love them to death.

I'm sorry you are going through this I know it's hard.

Thank you for your post. After he moved in with you, when did he start drinking again because you said he had been sober for 3 years?

Thank you all!

Hello kbow, and Welcome!

My stepson's drinking and drug use brought me to SR. You are among people who understand. I am sorry to hear about your son and hope that he can turn this around for himself soon...he is the only one who can.