Recovery
 

After a whole year of resisting my own recovery , I had to come to a point of complete submission and fall on my knees and beg my higher power to get me out of the pain I felt which was leading me to kill myself. My higher power led me to start working the steps for myself this time. It is the best gift I am giving myself. I have days of happiness now. My obsession about my qualifier is fading slowly but surely. I am staarting to see and feel that I deserve so much better than what my qualifier was ever capable of providing - he never seemed recovery. Yes he was providing a stable income and the fancy lifestyle but beyond that there was nothing. No empathy. No concern. No humanness. I had to step into the rooms of recovery to truely start seeing my part. Why was I obsessed with a human being who was treating me badly? Why was I accepting unacceptable behavior? What in my past taught me to be ok with such behavior ?
Do yourself a favor and get recovery for yourself. Whatever it may look like. I promise it is worth it. It might not look pretty. But it is so worth it to be able to actually feel feelings for once in a healthy manner. To accept my past and make peace with it. To put myself first.

Wonderful post! I hit rock bottom twice: first as an alcoholic which led me to AA in 1991 and then as a codependent, after the worst relationship of my life. Pain is pain but the answer is in AA and Alanon for me.

To accept my past and make peace with it. To put myself first.

A worthwhile journey I didn't realize I was on, until I could see my footsteps with a new perspective. :)

Thank you for sharing this post, your story, with us.