In memory of miracle

My 16 yr old son who lives with his Dad right nw has been drinking and smoking pot.I have had afew discussions with him that were reasonable.About choices and consequences and he seemed to listen to me.Still he continues on.He has an appointment for therepy next week,orther than work on my own recovery and be an example I dont know what else to do.If anyone has any suggestions for me or support I would love to hear it .Bless,Trish

ted

TRISH I HAVE THREE DAUGHTERS THAT LIVE WITH THIER MOTHER IN PA.
MY OLDEST IS 17 AND DRINKING,THE MIDDLE CHILD JUST WAS CAUGHT BY HER MOM,SHE IS 15.
THE BABY WHO IS 11 HASEN'T YET THANK GOODNESS.
I LET THEM KNOW OF MY CONCERNS ABOUT THEM DRINKING.
I EXPLAINED TO THEM THAT MOST OF MY PROBLEMS IN LIFE CAME FROM DRINKING.
I FEEL REALLY POWERLESS ABOUT THIS SITUATION,THEM BEING IN PA AND I'M IN VA.
I JUST PRAY THAT GOD KEEPS THEM SAFE,AND THAT I DON'T OBSESS ABOUT IT.
I KNOW NOW WHAT MY PARENTS WENT THROUGH WITH ME,OOOHHHH MY.
PRAY ALOT,THATS REALLY ALL I CAN DO............ted
MY BABIES

JT

I am talking from hindsight here...a 16 year old should not be drinking under any circumstances. The consequences need to be swift and severe...severe enough for him to not want to do it anymore. At the age of 16 you still have control over where he is and what he does. In a very short time you will loose that control. If he is 16 he is driving...more deaths occur among young people than any others.

I was a "boy's will be boy's" thinker and now I wish I had kicked ass and taken names later. It might not have changed the outcome but today I regret at least trying.

Hugs,
JT

frustrated1

I agree with JT, at 16 you still have control. My daughter is now 18, unfortunately she spent her entire 17th year in jail and residential rehab. Came out great but has recently relapsed. We can do nothing. Believe me this is the worst I have ever lived through. Just remember you need to take care of yourself. My prayers to you and your son.

StandingStrong

My 15 (soon to be 16) year old son lives with his Dad as well. We had an incident over the summer where my son told me that his Dad had given him a beer. After I told his Dad that I knew (which of course, he denied), my son told me that he had lied to me and had not had a beer. Then his dad's brother said that he had seen my son with one.
I will assume from your post that your son is drinking with friends of his own age since you didn't specify.
But I wanted you to know that I know how powerless you feel about this situation. In my own case, I checked our state laws (A parent is allowed to give a child alcohol here as long as that child is with the parent), I also called my lawyer about getting custody of my son as I felt his Dad was being irresponsible (My husband and I are seperated because of his own drinking). There isn't a whole lot I can do honestly and it's frustrating.
All I can recommend is that you keep those lines of communication open with your son as you are doing (and as I do with mine) and check into the laws of your state to see if you can get custody of your son.
I know it's so very hard to be in your position right now and I just wanted to offer you support. Hopefully the therapy will help your son and this won't be a long-time concern for you.

In memory of miracle

For all your responses,I will take something from each of them. I havent lost custody of him ( thanks HP ) and have been sober for a year now.I t is so hard to know what to do. I can only enforce consequences to a point since he does not live with me and I am continually having to ask for any info I get. My ex has been sober for 20 yrs and is not currently working a program. He just got remarried to someone just abut fresh outta detox ( gotta love it ) Believe it or not I am the one who can do the discipline. I ran a house for adolescents but its something else entirely when it comes to your own. In a perfect world I would have my son come live with me he has got a 23 yr old brother who also needs to come back home for awhile before he joins the service,so going from not having any kids with me to maybe having them both. Thankfully I work my program which you all know is very similiar to ala-non. God bless and thanks for letting me get this off my chest !

splendra

(((((Miraclen))))),

I totally understand your concern my son turns 17 this week. I worry about him as far as I know he does not drink or take drugs. I have explained to him about his genes.....He lives with his dad now. His dad has never been a substance abuser he does occasionally have a drink though....I will be saying a prayer for you and your son. It is hard to let go I know you stay strong and take care.....

Chy

Trish, I'll keep him and you in my prayers. Just a thought, does your oldest have any influence over him? If he's clean and sober, typically siblings will listen to older siblings before anyone else.