trailmix

Don't fear it, but you can count on it. No use denying it, he is back to drinking.

If you are ok with that then no need to do anything really.

I am so happy to see that your day is more peaceful and that your friend is in good hands and is more accepting today.

AnvilheadII

this topic brings up an important point.....we can't look at ONE event related to drinking or NOT drinking and draw any conclusions.

ONLY having four beers in one episode does not indicate they have cracked the code to moderation. it just means they only had four beers at that time. that were visible.

going to a couple AA meetings doesn't mean they have conquered their disease.

not drinking for five days is not the chief indicator of lifetime sobriety.

suddenly volunteering to do some household tasks that are not normally in their bailiwick does not make them a changed man.

we are often so desperate for any sign of hope, that we seize upon the tiniest glimmer, staring into an endless grey sky seeking one ray of sun. this can work to the addict's advantage, as they know they can do very little towards actual recovery, but just enough to make it LOOK that way.

hearthealth

I have my suspicions about my H every once an awhile. If he comes home late from work or is out of town. I try to stay in today instead of trying to predict the future. As we say more will be revealed. I know my husband early on with sobriety would try a few which also increases my occasional suspicious thinking. I know no one can predict when or if it will go back to the old ways of drinking, get worse or stay better. We know the potential will be there but I try to stay on my side of the street and do my own recovery.

DontRemember

i've dealt with nothing but stress(ors) the past 3wks or so..and would LOVE to have 4 beers right now(I have them a few feet away plus a stocked bar inside),BUT...if I drank 1 beer,then switched to soda/water/whatever for the night..it'd trigger that crazy voice of mine..maybe 2 tomorrow?...then back to the bar(s),dui's,ect...I just can't/don't risk it.

wehav2day

Alkie here...

I could totally have a beer tomorrow and not drink another. Maybe. Yeah I can...

Trouble is, I’d spend the rest of the night obsessing about it. In fact, it only takes one sip for the obsession to start rolling through. That’s why I don’t drink “just one,” let alone 4.

You normal people can take or leave booze. We can’t. Once we drink, we either get more or think about getting more, or get grumpy and mean because we want more but we’re agonizing about it, orrrr we find recovery.

RainingButtons

Thankyou for your insight here

Since the first post, AH has had “just 4 beers” the following two consecutive nights as well.. the sun is out = perfect excuse.

I’ve never seen him drink so much coffee in the evenings afterwards either. He either sits on the edge of the sofa as if waiting for something. Or he’s on his phone playing a game and disconnected anyway. So that explains why if he’s trying to stop the agonising about whether to get another drink. Sun is out today again ... but it’s due to get colder again so then he will have to think of a new reason.

hearthealth

SR has an article from Psychology Today that discusses the difference between social drinkers, problem drinkers and alcoholics. It discusses this same topic. It's sites in another article about alcoholism. I tried to attach it but couldn't.

DontRemember

It's like if you were to ask(not that you should); "so,you're drinking again?"...His answer would be along the lines of : "Not at all!...I only had 4 beers.." WELL...to me,an ex-drinker...that's drinking again. One beer is drinking again. It's simple math. LOL

Lunchbox1

Four in an hour isn't moderate. It's bingeing. I know some of your AHs drink 10-20 a day or more--mine does 4-5--but still.

Ladybird579

It maybe he had 4 beers in front of you, which was a lot in the short time scale, and the fact he wasn't trashed shows he used to it, but waited while later to drink more? Or he may have drank something else on the way home from the offie. My exah was good at showing "moderation" ( it wasn't really tbh it was only moderate to him) in front of me and his MIL lol but secretly had a stash he went to drink from when I wasn't around. Like if I was asleep or he had a stash under the bath panel and the loo cistern so he could drink in the bathroom.

Bekindalways

So sorry this is happening Rainingbuttons.

Maybe you have described this somewhere else but what is your plan should the situation continue south?

Please continue to take good care of yourself and I so hope you can take whatever teeny step it is to get where you need to be.

Clover71

FS
I make the mini ones with pillsbury crescent roll dough for DS' .




I'm glad you are having a better day! With regards to moderation, I think some can short term. I wonder if it allows them to recognize the "need" for more and see it. I think mine is moderating right now, and in my situation it has made things less stressful on me. Of course he may not be moderating at all. It sounds like you were waiting for the shoe to drop, and that's a horrible feeling. Try to enjoy that quiche and do some things for yourself. You deserve it

RainingButtons

Thankyou the quiche was lovely!

I was waiting for the other shoe to drop yes... and it has.

His 4 beers have continued to 4 beers a day since. Today (it’s hot and sunny outside) he’s had 8 beers and fell asleep at 6.30pm - we had our tea without him, I saved him some but he missed out on a lovely meal with us sat around a table outside - something that rarely happens. He woke up and was very affectionate to me, smiling and kissing me on the top of my head then he went to fix himself a gin and tonic! I had no idea he had gin in the house. I hate that I only get slithers of affection from him when he’s drunk and I’m expected to smile back and be happy? Tonight he will be snoring loudly and have jerky night reflexes all night so my sleep will suffer. In the morning he will be in a horrible mood until he can crack open more beer about midday.


So I guess that was what I was waiting to happen. I feel oddly calm and am now watching Britain’s Got Talent with my daughter and a cup of tea. He’s still outside drinking. On his own.

DontRemember

I think you feel calm because this is his 'normal'. Pretty soon he's going to be his old self again. I say this because I was him and my exAgf tried to moderate when I quit and it never lasted long before she was back to full blown drinking. thus the 'ex' part. Not sure what your plans are or if you have any,but I'd start getting some ready.

Clover71

I've been sleeping on the couch for quite some time now because I couldn't deal with that anymore, and I also didn't want to risk there being any thoughts of physical affection while asleep or otherwise. I also understand that grumpiness in the morning. Sucks the life out of the room. I usually remove me and my kids from it.

Enjoy that time with your daughter and enjoy the show. Maybe your calmness is knowing that you kinda knew it and perhaps you are a bit over it.

RainingButtons

“I think you feel calm because this is his 'normal'. Pretty soon he's going to be his old self again.”

Yes. You have hit the nail on the head, I think this makes sense.


Thankyou - yes. I DO kinda feel “over it” now. I have no desire to control his drinking anymore. None. And I respect his right to do whatever he wants. I appreciate he did do a lot of work outside the house today clearing gutters and washing my car. (Drinking whilst he did it) That was unusual for him to do so much but nice, but shame he couldn’t stay sober enough to enjoy the evening with us.

I am making some plans. I started to try and clean up my credit score which is very bad, it will take a couple of years but I’m going to make some financial cut backs and possibly sell some stuff on eBay and jewellery to clear my credit cards. I feel more positive than I did last week anyway. 😉

Sasha1972

You sound very level-headed and objective about this whole unpleasant situation. I think that making plans for yourself and not trying to change the alcoholic are exactly the right things to be doing, now that you know your suspicions were right. Your intuition didn't let you down.