So hard to walk away - First Time Post
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Originally Posted by honeypig 
Phoenix, you might want to chat w/firebolt here. She is a motorcycle gal too--you might have some fun things to talk about! I know she has a group of friends that ride and they make plans for getaways and so on. I applaud your courage in doing this; it's something I'd never try myself.
I take the range portion of it, this weekend. Nervous, but excited! Have a wonderful week!
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Originally Posted by HardLessons
PR211
"Time to get off. Wish I could get my money back."
I sunk a lot of money into my relationship with her. I never added it all up & don't want too. But if I did I know the total amount is shockingly ugly.
Having said that, lookin back on it, I invested with her something way more important than money, & that was a huge (years) amount of time. I can earn more money. I can never get that time back. Today there is nothing between us.
BTW I don't blame her. I take responsibility for my own actions.
I like motorcycles. I tried to teach her how to ride. She wanted to be a bad as* Harley girl but in the end she was afraid of it. Was a funny experience. Be safe with your new hobby.
"Time to get off. Wish I could get my money back."
I sunk a lot of money into my relationship with her. I never added it all up & don't want too. But if I did I know the total amount is shockingly ugly.
Having said that, lookin back on it, I invested with her something way more important than money, & that was a huge (years) amount of time. I can earn more money. I can never get that time back. Today there is nothing between us.
BTW I don't blame her. I take responsibility for my own actions.
I like motorcycles. I tried to teach her how to ride. She wanted to be a bad as* Harley girl but in the end she was afraid of it. Was a funny experience. Be safe with your new hobby.
Sadly, one of those men was a recovered alcoholic with a beautiful soul, and he passed away this Fall. I can't help but think, if I had not had my head up my bum, would that all be different? Ugh. Too many what ifs....
I appreciate your input. We are so much better off without them. Fresh start
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PR211
You said something which for me in my own circumstance has become very important:
"I wasn't done putting myself through the wringer. I had to get back in touch and sign myself up for more abuse."
As time went on in my relationship & I became very frustrated & overwhelmed, I used to blame her for everything. I hung on her every word, I analyzed her every action & in-action. I easily found fault & blamed her.
I started therapy about a month or so after I left the relationship. I came to understand all that happened wasn't her fault. She is what she is. I knew what she is. She has been what she is for years before I met her. I knew the whole ugly story.
I voluntarily continued to put myself through the same wringer. I kept doing the same pattern of things over & over & over. I clearly knew better but I kept expecting a different result. I kept expecting her to change & she never did. She didn't change because she is an active addict living a life chasing addictions - she does not want or seek sobriety or recovery.
Painfully, I had to look in detail at my role with respect to this relationship. Why I, in spite of knowing better, continued to repeat the same bad patterns of behavior & make the same mistakes over & over.
Today I have a much different view of my relationship with her. I no longer blame her for putting me through hell like I once did. It was mostly my fault & not hers.
You said something which for me in my own circumstance has become very important:
"I wasn't done putting myself through the wringer. I had to get back in touch and sign myself up for more abuse."
As time went on in my relationship & I became very frustrated & overwhelmed, I used to blame her for everything. I hung on her every word, I analyzed her every action & in-action. I easily found fault & blamed her.
I started therapy about a month or so after I left the relationship. I came to understand all that happened wasn't her fault. She is what she is. I knew what she is. She has been what she is for years before I met her. I knew the whole ugly story.
I voluntarily continued to put myself through the same wringer. I kept doing the same pattern of things over & over & over. I clearly knew better but I kept expecting a different result. I kept expecting her to change & she never did. She didn't change because she is an active addict living a life chasing addictions - she does not want or seek sobriety or recovery.
Painfully, I had to look in detail at my role with respect to this relationship. Why I, in spite of knowing better, continued to repeat the same bad patterns of behavior & make the same mistakes over & over.
Today I have a much different view of my relationship with her. I no longer blame her for putting me through hell like I once did. It was mostly my fault & not hers.
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Originally Posted by HardLessons
PR211
You said something which for me in my own circumstance has become very important:
"I wasn't done putting myself through the wringer. I had to get back in touch and sign myself up for more abuse."
As time went on in my relationship & I became very frustrated & overwhelmed, I used to blame her for everything. I hung on her every word, I analyzed her every action & in-action. I easily found fault & blamed her.
I started therapy about a month or so after I left the relationship. I came to understand all that happened wasn't her fault. She is what she is. I knew what she is. She has been what she is for years before I met her. I knew the whole ugly story.
I voluntarily continued to put myself through the same wringer. I kept doing the same pattern of things over & over & over. I clearly knew better but I kept expecting a different result. I kept expecting her to change & she never did. She didn't change because she is an active addict living a life chasing addictions - she does not want or seek sobriety or recovery.
Painfully, I had to look in detail at my role with respect to this relationship. Why I, in spite of knowing better, continued to repeat the same bad patterns of behavior & make the same mistakes over & over.
Today I have a much different view of my relationship with her. I no longer blame her for putting me through hell like I once did. It was mostly my fault & not hers.
You said something which for me in my own circumstance has become very important:
"I wasn't done putting myself through the wringer. I had to get back in touch and sign myself up for more abuse."
As time went on in my relationship & I became very frustrated & overwhelmed, I used to blame her for everything. I hung on her every word, I analyzed her every action & in-action. I easily found fault & blamed her.
I started therapy about a month or so after I left the relationship. I came to understand all that happened wasn't her fault. She is what she is. I knew what she is. She has been what she is for years before I met her. I knew the whole ugly story.
I voluntarily continued to put myself through the same wringer. I kept doing the same pattern of things over & over & over. I clearly knew better but I kept expecting a different result. I kept expecting her to change & she never did. She didn't change because she is an active addict living a life chasing addictions - she does not want or seek sobriety or recovery.
Painfully, I had to look in detail at my role with respect to this relationship. Why I, in spite of knowing better, continued to repeat the same bad patterns of behavior & make the same mistakes over & over.
Today I have a much different view of my relationship with her. I no longer blame her for putting me through hell like I once did. It was mostly my fault & not hers.
I try to be very careful how I evaluate my behavior vs theirs. I do my best to take ownership and see my follies. This particular situation, I believe he may be a Sociopath who just so happens to have a drinking problem and I've had some others say the same. At the very least, Dandylion mentioned he is likely a misogynist. We can't diagnose from the DSM when they're actively drinking but he has been not only emotionally abusive, but also physically and sexually abusive. I walk a very fine and careful line before I will pick up responsibility for any of his behavior relating to those factors. Forgive and forget and taking on blame that's not ours is dangerous territory in the presence of an abuser. But I certainly see your point and the power I take back as I see how my behavior impacted the "relationship". As I evaluate with a professional, I will definitely be open minded to seeing my role.
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Awesome! Thank you for sharing I take the range portion of it, this weekend. Nervous, but excited! Have a wonderful week!
There are a lot of female riding groups out there that are more than happy to take in a beginner - and I do recommend beginner friendly buddies. No need to be forced to ride aggressively out the gate. I'm really excited for you - any idea what kind of machine you want?
meetup.com usually has riding groups too, and I'm in a small town in MT and there are 2!
OH - a lot of riding groups just want to bar hop and be seen....I give those guys a wide berth.
Enjoy that new adventure - safe travels and rubber side down!
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Originally Posted by firebolt
Good luck on your test! You're gonna have a whole new world of fun opening up, and freedom like none other!
There are a lot of female riding groups out there that are more than happy to take in a beginner - and I do recommend beginner friendly buddies. No need to be forced to ride aggressively out the gate. I'm really excited for you - any idea what kind of machine you want?
meetup.com usually has riding groups too, and I'm in a small town in MT and there are 2!
OH - a lot of riding groups just want to bar hop and be seen....I give those guys a wide berth.
Enjoy that new adventure - safe travels and rubber side down!
There are a lot of female riding groups out there that are more than happy to take in a beginner - and I do recommend beginner friendly buddies. No need to be forced to ride aggressively out the gate. I'm really excited for you - any idea what kind of machine you want?
meetup.com usually has riding groups too, and I'm in a small town in MT and there are 2!
OH - a lot of riding groups just want to bar hop and be seen....I give those guys a wide berth.
Enjoy that new adventure - safe travels and rubber side down!
I am looking at a Honda Rebel 500....but have you seen the new Ducati Scrambler 1100 special?! Oh my goodness! WANT! Way too much bike for me, just yet, but boy are they good looking!
I went to buy gear and really I don't care what it looks like, I want it to be safe and easy to move around in, so I have been looking into Kevlar reinforced jeans, etc. I ended up finding the best riding jacket at Harley. So, now I have this Jacket that says Harley all over it, but it's comfortable and it has armor. Whatever. haha!
I will have to look into the riding groups! Thank you so much for telling me that! I live in CO, hopefully there is one I could pick up with.
I'll let you know how it all goes
What kind of bike do you have? How long have you been riding?
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Oh I'm so excited for you!!
If you like the look and stance of the Ducatis, the Monster is pretty cool. I swapped with a gal one day that has one - and I had a blast on that thing and it's half the size of mine! I'm dying to have a Diavel - one day!!! Triumph (check out the scramblers on their site!!) and Norton have some really great mid sized upright sport models too...plus, there's just something cool about the Brit bikes! And that Rebel 500 would be perfect. You'll outgrow it within 2 years, and won't have a huge investment into your first machine!
I've been riding since I was 9ish? Started on a Honda trail 90 - dad and grandpa sent me down the road in the mountains and said 'don't tell your mom' And...I thought I was a storm trooper on a flying bike running through the trees on that thing, and it was all over for me
I had a endorsement before I ever got a car drivers license. In 2001 at 24 years old, I was riding passenger on a beautiful old Harley we'd spent a year and about 10k restoring and we were t-boned by a car. It was an awful wreck, lots of broken bones, and I took 10 years off, and just rode buddys bikes around a few blocks here and there. But, 10 years later a beautiful old 73 Honda CB 350 fell into my lap - I got it running, and a decade later to the day of the wreck (my birthday of all anniversaries - nothing like laying in a hospital bed on your birthday and a decade later to the day doing the same damn thing that got you there lol), I was back on and the love came back like no time was lost.
Since then, I've picked up several 'barn finds' and chopped them up into something pretty, got them running, rode the wheels off and sold them - rinse repeat. Right now, I have a 95 Yamaha V-max (a crazy powerful muscle cruiser) that I've wanted since high school. I turned 40 and lost my dad, and was like welp - life is short, you're having a midlife crisis, buy the V-max I still have that old Honda CB 350 too - I just can't get rid of the little old bike that got me back on the horse.
My riding style is different now - I ride like every car on the road is out to kill me. I don't spend a ton of time riding in town - head straight for 2 lane highways - eyes open for deer. I don't drink and ride - not one sip....and it's easy to run with the bar hopping crowd. They are fun! But I don't want any part of it. I don't ride at night, I wear FULL gear on the hottest of days. I know what it's like to lose my hide IF i'm going to open her up like a superbike racer (it happens), I scout the road first and make sure I can see for miles. I give cars and semis a LOT of room and don't dart between them. I always expect there will be an oncoming car in my lane on blind curves. We can't be too careful!
Oh I'm just so excited for you. There's nothing like feeling all the hot and cold air pockets, smelling all the smells - good and bad lol, having the wind pressure against your chest, and taking all of our crazy, dwelling, spiraling mind's wound up energy and just focusing it all on one single thing for a while - the road ahead. BEST to you!!!
If you like the look and stance of the Ducatis, the Monster is pretty cool. I swapped with a gal one day that has one - and I had a blast on that thing and it's half the size of mine! I'm dying to have a Diavel - one day!!! Triumph (check out the scramblers on their site!!) and Norton have some really great mid sized upright sport models too...plus, there's just something cool about the Brit bikes! And that Rebel 500 would be perfect. You'll outgrow it within 2 years, and won't have a huge investment into your first machine!
I've been riding since I was 9ish? Started on a Honda trail 90 - dad and grandpa sent me down the road in the mountains and said 'don't tell your mom'
And...I thought I was a storm trooper on a flying bike running through the trees on that thing, and it was all over for me I had a endorsement before I ever got a car drivers license. In 2001 at 24 years old, I was riding passenger on a beautiful old Harley we'd spent a year and about 10k restoring and we were t-boned by a car. It was an awful wreck, lots of broken bones, and I took 10 years off, and just rode buddys bikes around a few blocks here and there. But, 10 years later a beautiful old 73 Honda CB 350 fell into my lap - I got it running, and a decade later to the day of the wreck (my birthday of all anniversaries - nothing like laying in a hospital bed on your birthday and a decade later to the day doing the same damn thing that got you there lol), I was back on and the love came back like no time was lost.
Since then, I've picked up several 'barn finds' and chopped them up into something pretty, got them running, rode the wheels off and sold them - rinse repeat. Right now, I have a 95 Yamaha V-max (a crazy powerful muscle cruiser) that I've wanted since high school. I turned 40 and lost my dad, and was like welp - life is short, you're having a midlife crisis, buy the V-max
I still have that old Honda CB 350 too - I just can't get rid of the little old bike that got me back on the horse.My riding style is different now - I ride like every car on the road is out to kill me. I don't spend a ton of time riding in town - head straight for 2 lane highways - eyes open for deer. I don't drink and ride - not one sip....and it's easy to run with the bar hopping crowd. They are fun! But I don't want any part of it. I don't ride at night, I wear FULL gear on the hottest of days. I know what it's like to lose my hide
IF i'm going to open her up like a superbike racer (it happens), I scout the road first and make sure I can see for miles. I give cars and semis a LOT of room and don't dart between them. I always expect there will be an oncoming car in my lane on blind curves. We can't be too careful!Oh I'm just so excited for you. There's nothing like feeling all the hot and cold air pockets, smelling all the smells - good and bad lol, having the wind pressure against your chest, and taking all of our crazy, dwelling, spiraling mind's wound up energy and just focusing it all on one single thing for a while - the road ahead. BEST to you!!!
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Originally Posted by firebolt
Oh I'm so excited for you!!
I'm glad you survived the crash, and 10 years later, to the day, rode again. That is inspiring. I hope I do well with all of this. It's a lot to coordinate. They said that if you don't learn fast enough they kick you off the range. Hopefully I don't end up there. haha!
Yes, the VMAX! Love it! We do only live once, I'm glad you went for it!
Incredible how many bikes you've restored. I love the way you describe this all, it's just what I needed to read before I head out on the range. Thank you!!!
I will let you know how it goes.
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Aww, thank you - it always makes me so happy to see people just decide to start riding one day! I ride with a group of gals, and so many started in their 40s, 50s and 60's - and no matter the age, you just FEEL connected! Road sisters!!
YES! Keep us posted, and good luck!
YES! Keep us posted, and good luck!
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Originally Posted by firebolt
Aww, thank you - it always makes me so happy to see people just decide to start riding one day! I ride with a group of gals, and so many started in their 40s, 50s and 60's - and no matter the age, you just FEEL connected! Road sisters!!
YES! Keep us posted, and good luck!
YES! Keep us posted, and good luck!
Now, I am onto looking at bikes. I need that awkward first bike that I can drop and not worry so much about. Hunting Craigslist for that perfect find.
Still fighting that urge to contact my AXBF, but I know it won't lead anywhere good. He's spending a lot of time with a woman he refers to as "annoying". She is his dead last fall back. I know when he's hanging out with her, pickin's is slim. So, I guess he's gotta work a little harder to find some new supply of women. I am noticing the good quality women in his life are backing away. I miss him, but at the same time, I don't. I feel heartless for feeling that way. I don't miss the yelling and all the other women on the side. Done with the noise and the drama and ALLLLLLL the Coors Light.
I went to Alanon for the first time, last week, and I left feeling like a new person. Between everyone's support here and that meeting, Im in a much better place. Even in just the last week. Learning a new skill (motorcycle license), has me feeling pretty darn good. I can't and don't want to worry about all the women he has going. I know that they are getting the same awful treatment, I received. I'm not missing out.
Stay the course.
Thank you for all of your support!!!
I hope you all had a great weekend!
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CONGRATS!!! Feel free to PM me links to bikes you are looking and and I can give you my 2 cents on problems to look for if you dont have a mechanic buddy or know what to look for yourself I'm so excited for you, and yes, the class is so beneficial!
ON the ex...keep moving forward!! 6 months out was a milestone for me....like those pangs of missing him were pretty much done, I felt like I had a great handle on my life and my happiness, and all my stuff (energy, money, motivation, etc) went to things that matter to ME!! You got this!
I'm so excited for you, and yes, the class is so beneficial!ON the ex...keep moving forward!! 6 months out was a milestone for me....like those pangs of missing him were pretty much done, I felt like I had a great handle on my life and my happiness, and all my stuff (energy, money, motivation, etc) went to things that matter to ME!! You got this!
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Originally Posted by HardLessons
I voluntarily continued to put myself through the same wringer. I kept doing the same pattern of things over & over & over. I clearly knew better but I kept expecting a different result. I kept expecting her to change & she never did. She didn't change because she is an active addict living a life chasing addictions - she does not want or seek sobriety or recovery.
Painfully, I had to look in detail at my role with respect to this relationship. Why I, in spite of knowing better, continued to repeat the same bad patterns of behavior & make the same mistakes over & over.
Today I have a much different view of my relationship with her. I no longer blame her for putting me through hell like I once did. It was mostly my fault & not hers.
Painfully, I had to look in detail at my role with respect to this relationship. Why I, in spite of knowing better, continued to repeat the same bad patterns of behavior & make the same mistakes over & over.
Today I have a much different view of my relationship with her. I no longer blame her for putting me through hell like I once did. It was mostly my fault & not hers.
As for "fault", I agree with Phoenixrising about doing your best to recognize your part, however there is a fine line here when we are talking about abusive behaviours.
Perhaps you were doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result but i'm going to guess you were not doing that in a vacuum. If her behaviour showed signs of improvement, if she promised to stop using, if she showed signs of recovery, if she showered you with affection at times, showed a "promising" side etc etc - that is not a vacuum. There was also definitely abuse directed at you.
I guess what i'm saying is you didn't just see a raging addict here. So yes, perhaps you need to see that you couldn't help her and never could but to load up on yourself all the "blame" seems incorrect, to me.
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Originally Posted by trailmix
Mostly your fault? I don't know all the details HardLessons but I do know you have been through hell.
As for "fault", I agree with Phoenixrising about doing your best to recognize your part, however there is a fine line here when we are talking about abusive behaviours.
Perhaps you were doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result but i'm going to guess you were not doing that in a vacuum. If her behaviour showed signs of improvement, if she promised to stop using, if she showed signs of recovery, if she showered you with affection at times, showed a "promising" side etc etc - that is not a vacuum. There was also definitely abuse directed at you.
I guess what i'm saying is you didn't just see a raging addict here. So yes, perhaps you need to see that you couldn't help her and never could but to load up on yourself all the "blame" seems incorrect, to me.
As for "fault", I agree with Phoenixrising about doing your best to recognize your part, however there is a fine line here when we are talking about abusive behaviours.
Perhaps you were doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result but i'm going to guess you were not doing that in a vacuum. If her behaviour showed signs of improvement, if she promised to stop using, if she showed signs of recovery, if she showered you with affection at times, showed a "promising" side etc etc - that is not a vacuum. There was also definitely abuse directed at you.
I guess what i'm saying is you didn't just see a raging addict here. So yes, perhaps you need to see that you couldn't help her and never could but to load up on yourself all the "blame" seems incorrect, to me.
Sometimes they are manipulative and know that you're looking for those things and use those to their advantage, or I believe that was the case for me, at times. But I see my side of it, as well. When he and I see each other it's crazy chemistry and we're laughing and chuckling. We fit well, together, a lot of the time. We both say, the good times were good (when he could remember them) and the bad times were really bad. But he can never see the role of his drinking in ANY of it. I own my side, but he rarely would own his. And he would never admit to how his drinking affected it. He was so rational (sometimes), until it came to that blind spot.
Intermittent reinforcement. It kept me going back.
Feels so good to be free of the madness.
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Hi trailmix
During my relationship with her, she was about as innocent as the business end of an AK-47 machine gun. She is a long term addict & has an ugly life story to go along with her addictions. So in terms of what transpired between her & I, she was not innocent. She displayed on a regular basis all the typical traits of an addict & then some.
When I first met her I did not know her back ground. There were lots of red flags but in her case I was unable to process that info in any normal manner. After about a year into the relationship over time she confided in me & I pretty much knew everything. So at that point I was fully aware & there was no excuse for me to say I didn't know or I wasn't understanding her situation. I knew.
So even after I knew who & what she is, I continued going down the same road with her. I totally blamed her for what went wrong. At times I wasn't very nice about it. She never once sought sobriety or recovery. She never once said I have a problem help me - None the less I continued.
What went wrong in my relationship with her & what I was put through for years was not all her fault. She did not put a gun to my head or make other crazy threats and said do all of this or else. No I volunteered for it all.
It was hard for me to understand, but it was important for me to come to terms with the fact that I made a lot of ongoing bad decisions & ongoing bad mistakes. My normally good intuition & thought process completely failed me & that wasn't necessarily her fault.
I also now recognize, that my experience with her was very unique to my life. My education & life experiences did not in any way shape or form prepare me to deal with her. I also recognize that with her regardless of how much experience or knowledge I have, I will never be able to deal with her in any effective or healthy manner.
Yes your right I have been put through hell. Still feel it daily. Its like a weight I carry with me. I now take responsibility for my part. I don't take all the blame but I am now aware of my part.
Thanks
During my relationship with her, she was about as innocent as the business end of an AK-47 machine gun. She is a long term addict & has an ugly life story to go along with her addictions. So in terms of what transpired between her & I, she was not innocent. She displayed on a regular basis all the typical traits of an addict & then some.
When I first met her I did not know her back ground. There were lots of red flags but in her case I was unable to process that info in any normal manner. After about a year into the relationship over time she confided in me & I pretty much knew everything. So at that point I was fully aware & there was no excuse for me to say I didn't know or I wasn't understanding her situation. I knew.
So even after I knew who & what she is, I continued going down the same road with her. I totally blamed her for what went wrong. At times I wasn't very nice about it. She never once sought sobriety or recovery. She never once said I have a problem help me - None the less I continued.
What went wrong in my relationship with her & what I was put through for years was not all her fault. She did not put a gun to my head or make other crazy threats and said do all of this or else. No I volunteered for it all.
It was hard for me to understand, but it was important for me to come to terms with the fact that I made a lot of ongoing bad decisions & ongoing bad mistakes. My normally good intuition & thought process completely failed me & that wasn't necessarily her fault.
I also now recognize, that my experience with her was very unique to my life. My education & life experiences did not in any way shape or form prepare me to deal with her. I also recognize that with her regardless of how much experience or knowledge I have, I will never be able to deal with her in any effective or healthy manner.
Yes your right I have been put through hell. Still feel it daily. Its like a weight I carry with me. I now take responsibility for my part. I don't take all the blame but I am now aware of my part.
Thanks
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Originally Posted by HardLessons
Hi trailmix
It was hard for me to understand, but it was important for me to come to terms with the fact that I made a lot of ongoing bad decisions & ongoing bad mistakes. My normally good intuition & thought process completely failed me & that wasn't necessarily her fault.
I also now recognize, that my experience with her was very unique to my life. My education & life experiences did not in any way shape or form prepare me to deal with her. I also recognize that with her regardless of how much experience or knowledge I have, I will never be able to deal with her in any effective or healthy manner.
Yes your right I have been put through hell. Still feel it daily. Its like a weight I carry with me. I now take responsibility for my part. I don't take all the blame but I am now aware of my part.
Thanks
It was hard for me to understand, but it was important for me to come to terms with the fact that I made a lot of ongoing bad decisions & ongoing bad mistakes. My normally good intuition & thought process completely failed me & that wasn't necessarily her fault.
I also now recognize, that my experience with her was very unique to my life. My education & life experiences did not in any way shape or form prepare me to deal with her. I also recognize that with her regardless of how much experience or knowledge I have, I will never be able to deal with her in any effective or healthy manner.
Yes your right I have been put through hell. Still feel it daily. Its like a weight I carry with me. I now take responsibility for my part. I don't take all the blame but I am now aware of my part.
Thanks
Some days adulting is no fun. I just keep telling myself, Eyes forward. Focus on the good and give yourself a better chance at a healthier future. Some days I'm better at that than others. I'm human and so are you HardLessons. Don't be too hard on yourself.
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PR211
I think its ok to still love him even if you always will
I no longer see or talk to her. I know nothing about her life. I could easily find out about her, but I choose not too.
Having said above - I am not ashamed of her or my relationship with her. I am no longer angry with her. I do not wish anything bad to happen to her. I do still lover her & always will. She is in God's capable hands now.
Thanks
I think its ok to still love him even if you always will
I no longer see or talk to her. I know nothing about her life. I could easily find out about her, but I choose not too.
Having said above - I am not ashamed of her or my relationship with her. I am no longer angry with her. I do not wish anything bad to happen to her. I do still lover her & always will. She is in God's capable hands now.
Thanks
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Originally Posted by HardLessons
PR211
I think its ok to still love him even if you always will
I no longer see or talk to her. I know nothing about her life. I could easily find out about her, but I choose not too.
Having said above - I am not ashamed of her or my relationship with her. I am no longer angry with her. I do not wish anything bad to happen to her. I do still lover her & always will. She is in God's capable hands now.
Thanks
I think its ok to still love him even if you always will
I no longer see or talk to her. I know nothing about her life. I could easily find out about her, but I choose not too.
Having said above - I am not ashamed of her or my relationship with her. I am no longer angry with her. I do not wish anything bad to happen to her. I do still lover her & always will. She is in God's capable hands now.
Thanks
He pressed again, wanting to know if I had moved up there.
He was supposed to contact me 2-months ago to talk about "us" but that he would need to wait a few days until he was "Sober". He never did. No surprise, I reminded him of that and said I didn't understand his sudden interest in my whereabouts. He gave me information only his buddies could've gotten from FB. He even admitted, he has them watch my account. Why I don't know, since he seems to hate me.
So, I just told him, politely, I don't care to keep in touch. And, I can honestly say, I really dont.
And now, I am attending Alanon, and I see a pattern of alcholics in my life. One of them contacted me last night. I brushed him off as politely as I could. I'm just done with it. I would rather be alone and starting fresh with people I know don't have that tendency. Enough is enough.
And the ex-bf is buying a motel in Costa Rica, last I heard. Good Riddance.
I am still mad, I will totally own it, he did things no man should ever entertain when he claims to be exclusively with someone. Awful.
Thank you for listening. I need to go for a bike ride, or something.
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