L4Serenity

My heart is racing, but i know this is what i need to do. I have tried to help him in many ways, he started adding pills about a year ago and i caught him with a huge bag of them which he blamed on his friend saying a woman came to the house and said to give to his friend, so their not his. Yeah, like that happens. DELIVERY! Its this kind of crap that makes me crazy. Lies that i know are lies. Things i see with my own eyes but i still can't believe he would do this to us. I have so much guilt. My AH has been a drinker since before we met, it has in his eyes never been a problem and i didn't complain enough to make him change early on. But over time, the let downs and continuously glossy eyes and mood swings along with the rest of alcoholic behavior began to make me feel alone. I paid all our utilities until just a year ago, where i finally asked to split them. He was pissed at first, then agreed with me but that took him a few days to figure out. He works from home and for 14 years has never had to answer to anyone regarding getting up at any particular time or following any guidelines. This was very stressful for me when he was really drinking heavily, he could not get up on time and the phone would ring he wouldn't answer his customers calls. If they called before he was "open" he would scold them about the hours he was open. I was having anxiety every day about his attitude towards his own business. I was on call a lot and when i got an early call and had to go in, he was still passed out so waking the beast was last thing i wanted but i had to. He would be so pissed, then i would worry that my child would suffer because he was hung over and irritated. Or, if she would even get to school that day. I drove off a mess. But, someone had to work and i had real responsibilities that i couldn't just drop. I would come home and i could tell real quick if he was overly happy, must have been a few beers and a pill. Theirs been much more between then and now but lets just say my child and i need out even though he cries to her that i'm going to take everything and he has no friends and will not see her. He is pathetic. The worst thing for me, is that i left last june but Christmas came and i had not filed yet and i just wanted my daughter to have a nice holiday with us. Well 2 weeks after i stayed at the house with us all there. But one night he came in and i could tell he was different, he was way too happy. Then all the sudden tired, so he went to sleep. I went to check on him and he was snoring like a mother bear and the room stunk horribly. Next day he says he had been getting up so early with me that he was incredibly tired. I guess i let it go AGAIN. I wanted to believe theirs no way i could have left him for that long and he screws it up just 2 weeks in. So about a week later, my child and i come home to him passed out, my child is so scared of waking him but i'm not cause i'm pissed at this point and i want him to wake up just to tell him how much of an a-hole he is. But i don't want to upset my child. So next morning i address it with him, he denies it was any more than 2 beers.......at this point, i don't care how many ounces he wants to lie about, i'm done. But this was December and here we are. He swears he is clean now and loves me and wants our marriage to work, all the sudden interested in going to marriage counseling. Its not the marriage! So my guilt is that since they say this is a disease it makes me feel like i need to stick around and help him to a point. But after a person lies that much, its hard to trust. And i don't want to spend the rest of my life searching his texts or trying to hunt him down as to where he has been. He has same circle of friends though they don't come around much, probably because he is a real downer right now. The ones that do, still bring beer so he hasn't changed that. I just don't see how someone can quit cold turkey alcohol and pills and marijuana. But he swears its true. After reading many many posts here, i believe that he is still and always will be full of crap. But the guilt is still there. I just need to move on, this all makes me crazy. Sorry for running on but this feels incredible to get off my chest today as i head to my attorneys office.

Kboys

Sounds like you're making the right decision L4!
I know it is incredibly difficult, but you have given him many chances, and you have to do what's best for you and for your child.
Hugs to you!!!

atalose

I think you are making a healthy decision for your child and for yourself. Not an easy one but certainly a healthy one.

firebolt

Sending you peace and confort with your decision. HUGS to you!!

Sailorgirl57

L4S you pick up that daughter of yours and you just keep walking. Keep walking. Don’t stop. Don’t look back. Don’t change your mind. You are a brave, strong, loving woman and you are doing the right thing for your daughter, yourself, and even for him. Get yourself a good lawyer, Sistah! You got this!!! Please check in and let us know how it’s going. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

L4Serenity

Thanks from the bottom of my heart to everyone here. I have found a gem in this forum, it has given me so much strength and hope.. like a family to me. Hugs to all of you. Life is going to go on and it will be good.