Taking the High Road Stinks....
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Taking the High Road Stinks....
Feeling whiny today. I got into an argument w/oldest child yesterday. I really approached some things wrong, but child has been pretty hard to deal with lately. Child is 18 and getting ready to graduate. She has been having a rough time lately with some personal issues, which has made her really fun to deal with at home.
In the course of this argument, she lets me know that her dad's family has said that X day would be fine for her graduation party. Party that I am having, paying for, etc. She had told me before that she wanted to have separate parties. She slides in yesterday that she decided she wants them together. That's fine. It will be awkward, but it's her party and I will do what she wants.
It just stinks that I am going to spend all this money, and basically invite people who treat me like dog doo to this party, and that they have decided this date will work for them. Sigh....
Since I have divorced, ALMOST every single time it's me taking the high road. She and I are going through a hard time lately, and this is just one more thing. Feeling tired, and really just wanting to hide out and be left alone.....ugh....
So...if you have made it through my pity party, I thank you for reading.....
In the course of this argument, she lets me know that her dad's family has said that X day would be fine for her graduation party. Party that I am having, paying for, etc. She had told me before that she wanted to have separate parties. She slides in yesterday that she decided she wants them together. That's fine. It will be awkward, but it's her party and I will do what she wants.
It just stinks that I am going to spend all this money, and basically invite people who treat me like dog doo to this party, and that they have decided this date will work for them. Sigh....
Since I have divorced, ALMOST every single time it's me taking the high road. She and I are going through a hard time lately, and this is just one more thing. Feeling tired, and really just wanting to hide out and be left alone.....ugh....
So...if you have made it through my pity party, I thank you for reading.....
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high road or not, it is not for THEM to decide what is the best date for HER party that YOU are paying for. it's not THEIR party!!! i'd pick a day that is convenient for ME and they can either show up to celebrate HER achievement or show their asses and put up a fuss.
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Anvil, there were a couple of dates to pick from, and that is what I had pretty much decided anyways (they did not know that) I don't appreciate their attitude that it works for them so lets go ahead. It's just the same old song and dance that it always is. Their dad takes care of NOTHING, he never has. Parenting is hard lately, and it would be nice to have someone to help out a little. It's just an extra burn to plan a party I originally did not even think they would be at with zero contribution from any of them.
I am honestly just feeling run down and tired. I don't feel my daughter is appreciative of all I do for her, and I told her that yesterday. HUGE arguments ensued. It was not good. What I said was not wrong, when I chose to say it and how I chose to say it was wrong.
Combine all this into a big mixing pot and it's basically a pot of low motivation, low morale, and just being tired.
I am honestly just feeling run down and tired. I don't feel my daughter is appreciative of all I do for her, and I told her that yesterday. HUGE arguments ensued. It was not good. What I said was not wrong, when I chose to say it and how I chose to say it was wrong.
Combine all this into a big mixing pot and it's basically a pot of low motivation, low morale, and just being tired.
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aw hon.....
as dandy would say, just spitballin' here, but do you think under all that somewhere is some mom emotion tied to your "baby" graduating? we aren't just moving to a new chapter here, we are moving to the next book in our Encyclopedic Brittanica!!!! sometimes the only way daughters can pull away/detach from their moms is with a lot of friction, negative energy. i know it was that way with Renee.....while she did want to grow up, a part of her didn't really WANT to "leave the nest". so if she could make me the enemy of sorts, then she had more motivation to leave said enemy filled nest..........
few more weeks. then you are pretty much done with any required joint familial crapola.
do you have any close friends or relatives that could act as your second in command for this party of the century?
as dandy would say, just spitballin' here, but do you think under all that somewhere is some mom emotion tied to your "baby" graduating? we aren't just moving to a new chapter here, we are moving to the next book in our Encyclopedic Brittanica!!!! sometimes the only way daughters can pull away/detach from their moms is with a lot of friction, negative energy. i know it was that way with Renee.....while she did want to grow up, a part of her didn't really WANT to "leave the nest". so if she could make me the enemy of sorts, then she had more motivation to leave said enemy filled nest..........
few more weeks. then you are pretty much done with any required joint familial crapola.
do you have any close friends or relatives that could act as your second in command for this party of the century?
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I am excited about her attending college. She not really going very far, so not really "leaving the nest" quite yet. Although there are days I am ready for that! She has a lot going on, and our relationship is strained right now. That is putting a big damper on a lot of things that should be happy moments, and to have to include my XAH and his family is just tough for me.
Yes, I have people who will help me out, I won't be doing all the work alone, thank God for my family!
My other child is only in Jr. High, so unfortunately, I have many more years of this stuff. I try not to think of that or I get overwhelmed.
Yes, I have people who will help me out, I won't be doing all the work alone, thank God for my family!
My other child is only in Jr. High, so unfortunately, I have many more years of this stuff. I try not to think of that or I get overwhelmed.
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Here's a thought.... ask your ex to bring some things. Maybe he can bring ex: sodas, bottled waters, chips and so forth. Spread the joy like you were hosting a pot luck. You provide what you were planning (cake? balloons? decorations? you know how you want this to go). Get your daughter on board with this "sharing" idea since this has morphed into a bigger event than you had planned. Don't even try to take on all the details. Ex should be happy to chip in, only fair. Then let him/them. You both love this child, it would be a great expression of your solidarity for her sake.
Explain you are under a lot of stress. Keep it simple and clean, no arguments needed. Communication is always a dicy spot but you can practice healthy boundaries here. Good luck, and hope it turns out great for all.
Explain you are under a lot of stress. Keep it simple and clean, no arguments needed. Communication is always a dicy spot but you can practice healthy boundaries here. Good luck, and hope it turns out great for all.
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I can join the pity party too. I picked up Kid at 2.00 AM this past weekend from a road trip with her team. Yes, that is two o'clock in the morning, hanging around the parking lot of her school, waiting for the bus to pull in, full of sleep-deprived tweens and teens. The next day, after sleeping until noon, Kid decides that the meals I make are "weird" and she's "bored". I want to mutter "are you aware who stayed up until two AM to pick you up? Are you aware who paid for your activities and your trip? Are you aware who makes meals for you? Are you aware who is going to be hand-washing your uniform so the attachments don't come off? And are you aware that you have a second parent who does none of the above but eggs you on to complain about the one parent you have who actually functions as an adult, you know, like a person with a job and not getting arrested and staying out of psych wards?".
To be fair, Kid is generally pretty good - she's just crabby and tired, a bit let-down after the excitement of the road trip, and adolescent hormones are starting to do their thing.
To be fair, Kid is generally pretty good - she's just crabby and tired, a bit let-down after the excitement of the road trip, and adolescent hormones are starting to do their thing.
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Originally Posted by Sasha1972 
I can join the pity party too. I picked up Kid at 2.00 AM this past weekend from a road trip with her team. Yes, that is two o'clock in the morning, hanging around the parking lot of her school, waiting for the bus to pull in, full of sleep-deprived tweens and teens. The next day, after sleeping until noon, Kid decides that the meals I make are "weird" and she's "bored". I want to mutter "are you aware who stayed up until two AM to pick you up? Are you aware who paid for your activities and your trip? Are you aware who makes meals for you? Are you aware who is going to be hand-washing your uniform so the attachments don't come off? And are you aware that you have a second parent who does none of the above but eggs you on to complain about the one parent you have who actually functions as an adult, you know, like a person with a job and not getting arrested and staying out of psych wards?".
To be fair, Kid is generally pretty good - she's just crabby and tired, a bit let-down after the excitement of the road trip, and adolescent hormones are starting to do their thing.
To be fair, Kid is generally pretty good - she's just crabby and tired, a bit let-down after the excitement of the road trip, and adolescent hormones are starting to do their thing.
I admire your sleep-deprived restraint.
Told ya I have a problem with the high road sometimes.
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It's so hard biting your tongue and always taking the high road. Try to think what would be best for your daughter. It is her day to celebrate. Somehow us strong, functioning parents are always left holding the bag. I do hope it goes smoothly and is a great day for both of you despite the awkwardness.
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It does get better. I promise. My 19 year olds are lovely now. Really appreciative of me. If I 'd ever asked exah to contribute to a party in the past he'd have turned up with a crate of beer and a family bag of chips.
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LOL Ladybird, that is what I thought as well! Then if he did contribute that, he would think I am indebted to him for the rest of my life LOL! Good to hear it gets better, maybe I am in the home run!
Originally Posted by Ladybird579
It does get better. I promise. My 19 year olds are lovely now. Really appreciative of me. If I 'd ever asked exah to contribute to a party in the past he'd have turned up with a crate of beer and a family bag of chips.
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Ungrateful little buggers aren't they! These are sort of like the things I kindly (ha, maybe not) pointed out to my DD yesterday. Needless to say, it did not go over well. Sigh.....
Misery loves company friends! Thanks for being here for me on a tough day!
Misery loves company friends! Thanks for being here for me on a tough day!
Originally Posted by Sasha1972
I can join the pity party too. I picked up Kid at 2.00 AM this past weekend from a road trip with her team. Yes, that is two o'clock in the morning, hanging around the parking lot of her school, waiting for the bus to pull in, full of sleep-deprived tweens and teens. The next day, after sleeping until noon, Kid decides that the meals I make are "weird" and she's "bored". I want to mutter "are you aware who stayed up until two AM to pick you up? Are you aware who paid for your activities and your trip? Are you aware who makes meals for you? Are you aware who is going to be hand-washing your uniform so the attachments don't come off? And are you aware that you have a second parent who does none of the above but eggs you on to complain about the one parent you have who actually functions as an adult, you know, like a person with a job and not getting arrested and staying out of psych wards?".
To be fair, Kid is generally pretty good - she's just crabby and tired, a bit let-down after the excitement of the road trip, and adolescent hormones are starting to do their thing.
To be fair, Kid is generally pretty good - she's just crabby and tired, a bit let-down after the excitement of the road trip, and adolescent hormones are starting to do their thing.
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I have an in law party coming soon. I feel so much more comfortable when I can plan it in my own territory. When I have to go to their house, put on a fake smile and stay until they decide to open gifts when I know we don't care for each other is torture. Isn't that what family get togethers are all about?
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Well, new development. Cousin of my DD (on XAH side) has a new house and wants to have DD's party for her for that side of the family, and have everyone to her new house for the party. God Bless her. Bullet dodged.
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Maybe it's time to sit DD down & ask her to write up her budget for the coming year now that she's an adult & going to be attending college?
I'm not saying you have to hold her to it, but I think that the exercise of listing all the monthly costs of living alongside the income she expects to generate might help translate her appreciation into dollars & patience.
Ask her what her long term plan is for all of this - it's not like you'll be here helping forever right? I had DD do this along with projecting future income based on the careers she was showing interest in - what lifestyle can you afford yourself based on your expected income in 10 yrs? (there are all kinds of tools online for this stuff)
TRUST ME - this is a wake up call for an 18 yr old if she's never really examined life from this perspective before.
Just my $0.02 like always!
I'm not saying you have to hold her to it, but I think that the exercise of listing all the monthly costs of living alongside the income she expects to generate might help translate her appreciation into dollars & patience.
Ask her what her long term plan is for all of this - it's not like you'll be here helping forever right? I had DD do this along with projecting future income based on the careers she was showing interest in - what lifestyle can you afford yourself based on your expected income in 10 yrs? (there are all kinds of tools online for this stuff)
TRUST ME - this is a wake up call for an 18 yr old if she's never really examined life from this perspective before.
Just my $0.02 like always!
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Oh yes, shock is the right word. I also started her on the "envelope system" because it's so easy - I've even suggested this to adults that never learned to manage money when they were younger.
These might be helpful:
Teacher Printables - FITC
Free Budget Worksheets for Kids, Teens and Adults
https://www.consumercredit.com/media...k-feb-2013.pdf
https://fairygodboss.com/career-topi...get-worksheets
These might be helpful:
Teacher Printables - FITC
Free Budget Worksheets for Kids, Teens and Adults
https://www.consumercredit.com/media...k-feb-2013.pdf
https://fairygodboss.com/career-topi...get-worksheets
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