First consult with an attorney
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 28
First consult with an attorney
I had my first meeting with an attorney yesterday and thought I would share here as it was a really positive experience. I’ve thought about doing it for many months and wish I would have sooner.
My husband has been sober for about 7 weeks now but told me that he wants to start drinking again which prompted me to finally seek legal advice and make a plan for what I will do if he starts drinking again.
My biggest worry/hesitation about separating from him has been keeping my kids safe. If we are all in the same house I can monitor what is happening and have control over where the kids are and ensure that he isn’t driving them drunk or alone with them drunk. My concern has been that I won’t be able to do that if he is living apart and they have visitation with him.
Much of the conversation with the attorney focused on the various options for keeping the kids safe. We discussed things like soberlink where he would have to test before and during visits, having supervised visits, installing a breathalyzer device on his car, etc. to ensure he isn’t drinking while he is with the kids. And the possible consequences if he failed the tests, missed visits, etc. She told me about some of the successful arrangements that other clients in my situation had made. I learned a lot and honestly think I slept better last night knowing more about the options available to keep them safe if we do separate.
We also talked through the process and logistics of separating and things like how to protect and divide up the money in our shared accounts, what is reasonable in terms of him making new living arrangements, how to divide up the bills, visitation, drafting a separation agreement, etc. The thought of all of this has been overwhelming to me and it really helped to talk through it and make a plan.
We also talked through other financial things like how they determine spousal support, child support, etc. And she offered to provide a list of recommended attorneys for him to use that she has worked well with in the past (who knows if he would use any of them but worth a shot).
I did have to pay for the consultation but I think it was worth every penny. She was super empathetic and reassuring and I feel much more educated on the process and my options now. It’s really sad that it has come to this but I felt so much better walking out of that room.
My husband has been sober for about 7 weeks now but told me that he wants to start drinking again which prompted me to finally seek legal advice and make a plan for what I will do if he starts drinking again.
My biggest worry/hesitation about separating from him has been keeping my kids safe. If we are all in the same house I can monitor what is happening and have control over where the kids are and ensure that he isn’t driving them drunk or alone with them drunk. My concern has been that I won’t be able to do that if he is living apart and they have visitation with him.
Much of the conversation with the attorney focused on the various options for keeping the kids safe. We discussed things like soberlink where he would have to test before and during visits, having supervised visits, installing a breathalyzer device on his car, etc. to ensure he isn’t drinking while he is with the kids. And the possible consequences if he failed the tests, missed visits, etc. She told me about some of the successful arrangements that other clients in my situation had made. I learned a lot and honestly think I slept better last night knowing more about the options available to keep them safe if we do separate.
We also talked through the process and logistics of separating and things like how to protect and divide up the money in our shared accounts, what is reasonable in terms of him making new living arrangements, how to divide up the bills, visitation, drafting a separation agreement, etc. The thought of all of this has been overwhelming to me and it really helped to talk through it and make a plan.
We also talked through other financial things like how they determine spousal support, child support, etc. And she offered to provide a list of recommended attorneys for him to use that she has worked well with in the past (who knows if he would use any of them but worth a shot).
I did have to pay for the consultation but I think it was worth every penny. She was super empathetic and reassuring and I feel much more educated on the process and my options now. It’s really sad that it has come to this but I felt so much better walking out of that room.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Oregon Coast
Posts: 168
Good job, spa happy! Knowledge is power. The more you know, the more you can act in the best interest of yourself and your children.
Other professionals to involve would include a counselor for you and for your son.
You might find a financial planner to help you sort out the money you end up with.
I wish you peace!
Love and hugs from Sailor ⚓️
Other professionals to involve would include a counselor for you and for your son.
You might find a financial planner to help you sort out the money you end up with.
I wish you peace!
Love and hugs from Sailor ⚓️
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 9
I recently did the same thing and found much more information about this which helped me be at ease for what's to come. I paid for consultation and feel it was also worth every penny as their is so much to know before taking on this endeavor. I too found it overwhelming to deal with in the midst of the entire situation i'm going through. In this case, the amount of money was worth my peace of mind regarding my rights and what will happen and how i can move on with my life. Also, dealing with someone who doesn't want to separate or divorce, the attorney can handle that side and i can focus on just what needs to be dealt with at that moment. The verbal abuse and anger along with trying to work out or mediate with the AH most of the time is a roller coaster and things just drag out too long. The sooner i can be happier and focus on myself is when i can restart my life again. Looking forward to less anxiety, stress, manipulation etc.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,998
So glad this was a positive experience for you Spahappy. It does seem like a huge step in making a plan for what could very well be coming down the pike.
I would love to think you won't need this plan but it does sound like your AH would be fine going back to drinking.
Hugs.
I would love to think you won't need this plan but it does sound like your AH would be fine going back to drinking.
Hugs.
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