3 years ago I left him...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 13
3 years ago I left him...
Wow!!! 3 years ago I left my ah....I've just been reading my old threads WOW!!!!!
OMG my life has changed! I have grown and learnt so much since then, I have inner peace now that I never knew could ever happen!
Just wanted to pop in and say hi and if anyone has just left from my experience life gets much better and simpler. ..my life now is about calmness, peace and slowing down I love it!
The biggest thing I learnt is that I thought he was normal that drink was normal, but now after meeting different people I realise so many people don't base there life around drink lol
One guy I was dating I couldn't beleive when we went out he didn't order a drink!? He didn't have a fridge of drink, he could be the driver lol its the little things that make me smile
Hugs to you all I cannot imagine what some of you are going thru but wanted to put a positive spin out there that life can be good and drink free!
OMG my life has changed! I have grown and learnt so much since then, I have inner peace now that I never knew could ever happen!
Just wanted to pop in and say hi and if anyone has just left from my experience life gets much better and simpler. ..my life now is about calmness, peace and slowing down I love it!
The biggest thing I learnt is that I thought he was normal that drink was normal, but now after meeting different people I realise so many people don't base there life around drink lol
One guy I was dating I couldn't beleive when we went out he didn't order a drink!? He didn't have a fridge of drink, he could be the driver lol its the little things that make me smile
Hugs to you all I cannot imagine what some of you are going thru but wanted to put a positive spin out there that life can be good and drink free!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 28
Thank you for posting this! For those of us still in our situations and deciding what to do, it is so encouraging to read success stories like this. Sometimes it feels like a divorce would be the end of the world. But it is actually a chance for a new beginning.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 13
Thank you 
Yep I'm not saying breaking up and divorce with 3 children was a walk in the park it was the hardest thing ever- very emotional and very tough but worth it in every way compared to my old life - yes new beginnings I'm very different now.
I used to wonder back then on this forum what happens to people and where do they go from here so wanted to share my positive spin x
Yep I'm not saying breaking up and divorce with 3 children was a walk in the park it was the hardest thing ever- very emotional and very tough but worth it in every way compared to my old life - yes new beginnings I'm very different now.
I used to wonder back then on this forum what happens to people and where do they go from here so wanted to share my positive spin x
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 30
I just finished reading your previous threads, and I want to say congratulations on finding peace ! I hope i can arrive to where you are now as Ive just divorced my XAH.
i can see your evolution through your writings and I feel that your story and his excuses matched mine perfectly,, it especially hit home when you were claiming at one point " he was drinking less than before " as if it justified staying with him because it could be far worse...
unfortunately they had trained us to think this way and THAT is not ok...
I appreciate your update as i really needed it for my own journey of recovery (7 years is a long time to wait for changes that never came)
Thank you my friend and may your journey only get sweeter
i can see your evolution through your writings and I feel that your story and his excuses matched mine perfectly,, it especially hit home when you were claiming at one point " he was drinking less than before " as if it justified staying with him because it could be far worse...
unfortunately they had trained us to think this way and THAT is not ok...
I appreciate your update as i really needed it for my own journey of recovery (7 years is a long time to wait for changes that never came)
Thank you my friend and may your journey only get sweeter
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 667
I'm also at the 3+ year mark. I actually still have the occasional nightmare dream that involves those days. PTSD is not a daily thing but sometimes those bad dreams wake me up in a cold sweat.
It's hard to realize how your life got sucked up into this until you no longer are.
I have been seeing for over a year now, an absolutely wonderful woman. No dramas, not one cross word the entire time we have been together. No struggling to not say the wrong things. No eggshells. You don't have to wonder if she hears you, nor if she thinks I don't hear her.
I also start to reflect back on how during the time with my XAGF, you sort of just get used to the instability of things. She lost jobs. I had to lend money I had in savings. I couldn't find good work that was at my level I was used to. Her kid had dramas I had to deal with. Mostly because mom was pre-occupied with all her bad lifestyle choices.
She used to say "I just seem to have this black cloud that sticks around". I sort of agreed and believed it, when I was trying to make excuses for her. But that same black cloud affected me. When she lost a job, I was impacted. When she had a downturn, I was affected...etc.
In the 3 years, I have realized that I am the one that got back to the old me. I don't have these "black cloud" problems. I just come to realize that my life was taken down into hers, not the other way around.
In addition to meeting a great gal, I got a great job. I can buy nice things again, not worrying about how they would meet an untimely accidental demise at the hands of my ex. I am back to my old way of life. Sometimes opportunity knocks, other times you have to beat the door down to make them, but at least now they are a part of life again.
Yes she has a "black cloud". Its of her making. They just won't own up to it.
Live a good free life filled with optimistic plans. You've earned it!
It's hard to realize how your life got sucked up into this until you no longer are.
I have been seeing for over a year now, an absolutely wonderful woman. No dramas, not one cross word the entire time we have been together. No struggling to not say the wrong things. No eggshells. You don't have to wonder if she hears you, nor if she thinks I don't hear her.
I also start to reflect back on how during the time with my XAGF, you sort of just get used to the instability of things. She lost jobs. I had to lend money I had in savings. I couldn't find good work that was at my level I was used to. Her kid had dramas I had to deal with. Mostly because mom was pre-occupied with all her bad lifestyle choices.
She used to say "I just seem to have this black cloud that sticks around". I sort of agreed and believed it, when I was trying to make excuses for her. But that same black cloud affected me. When she lost a job, I was impacted. When she had a downturn, I was affected...etc.
In the 3 years, I have realized that I am the one that got back to the old me. I don't have these "black cloud" problems. I just come to realize that my life was taken down into hers, not the other way around.
In addition to meeting a great gal, I got a great job. I can buy nice things again, not worrying about how they would meet an untimely accidental demise at the hands of my ex. I am back to my old way of life. Sometimes opportunity knocks, other times you have to beat the door down to make them, but at least now they are a part of life again.
Yes she has a "black cloud". Its of her making. They just won't own up to it.
Live a good free life filled with optimistic plans. You've earned it!
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