Chrissy58

I don't drink beer or other alcoholic drinks. Tuesday my friend and I went to the German place I like. I had one beer with my meal. She drinks two..

It was raining very hard and she refuses to turn on the windshield wipers and we couldn't see. She scared me. I told her she has a deathwish. She plays it off as making some game of Russian roulette with her car.

I refuse to get in the car again with her if she is behind the wheel.

I told her today I was not buying her beer. I will buy a soda and meal but I will not add to her drinking problem. She doesn't understand when the cost of beer is cheeper.

She may get angry with me but I need to go to the meetings on how to deal with the drinking and 🚙.

biminiblue

I don't get in cars with drivers who have had even one beer.

And I agree with you about not buying people alcohol. I don't do that either.

Sounds like you are on the right track. Stick to your intuitions.

SparkleKitty

Not getting in a car with a driver who has been drinking and not buying beer for someone are great boundaries for yourself. Your friend doesn't have to validate them for you, or even know about them. They do not have to be up for negotiation or even discussion. Good on you for maintaining good boundaries, even in the face of someone else's anger. It took many of us years and years to get there!

Chrissy58

Thank you. I think I need just as much help as my friend because I enable her.

Hope the meetings will give me strength and wisdom.

AnvilheadII

I don't drink beer or other alcoholic drinks. Tuesday my friend and I went to the German place I like. I had one beer with my meal.

you first state you do not drink.
you then state you had a beer.
can't really have it both ways.

i agree that one should never be a passenger in a vehicle where the driver has been drinking. best to have an alternate plan or provide own transportation, if you have not imbibed.

maia1234

Chrissy,
If you say something you need to always follow through. We threaten stuff to our addicts all the time and when we don't follow through, they laugh at us. Make sure you do just that and don't back down.

I too don't drive with someone who has been drinking. Been there, done that, won't do it again!!

Hugs, its some meetings and educate yourself about this horrible disease.

MindfulMan

I don't have a zero tolerance for drivers who've had a drink or two with a dinner that I know well.

Most of the time when I drank and drove I was fine and legal.

But not always...a major reason why I don't drink anymore.

Chrissy58

We had lunch yesterday. She was already sitting at the bar when I got there drinking a beer. I ordered a soda like I usually do. The reason I was drinking last Tuesday was it was a special restaurant. I stop at one on the rare occasion I drink.

I paid for her fries but not the beer. I will not add to her drinking.

I will try and get her to go to an AA meeting.

CarryOn

Seems to me that your time would be better spent taking yourself to an Al-Anon meeting.

atalose

For the same reason we can't see the truth with the fact we cannot save another human being. We cannot talk/love/push/pull/demand/threaten someone else in to doing something they don't chose to do for themselves.

Chrissy58

Very true.

I found a day meeting near me and I am in therapy for my ptsd. Tuesday was the wake up call I needed to see my life was being effected by her drinking.

Chrissy58

You are right. That is why I am going to be working on my healing as I am just as sick in a different way.