Need Input: DO I Forewarn Her re: Divorce?
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Here's the full story on attorneys: when I first went 'shopping' in Aug 2016, I met with a lawyer from the firm I'm with now. Compassionate, sympathetic, no-nonsense, wouldn't want to be on her bad side - I really liked her.
When I went back to the firm in Dec 2017, I met with her and was told she was promoted and was now traveling for the firm and was not available to take on my case because she was out of the office so much, and it wouldn't be fair to me. So, I got passed to #2. #2 was 'okay' with me, had many years of experience, and I figured it could work - but still wanted #1 (but know full well THAT wasn't happening). This week I get an email from #2 stating I'm being transitioned to #3, much to my surprise. Met with #3 yesterday and not feeling comfortable.
Emailed #1 yesterday afternoon and asked for a talk. She called me within minutes while I was driving home. She said she was surprised by the switch, but said I could go back to #2, or just dump #3 altogether and move on to someone else. She also told me that she would keep up on my case, and I call call #1 any time I have a question or concern. I said I would keep #3 for now, but if something transpires I don't like, to call #1 and she will do what she needs to do to make sure I'm happy and content.
I feel better after talking to #1, I know she has my back. Just wish I could clone her.
That's the story. I'll give the new one #3 a chance, unless she fails to earn my trust.
When I went back to the firm in Dec 2017, I met with her and was told she was promoted and was now traveling for the firm and was not available to take on my case because she was out of the office so much, and it wouldn't be fair to me. So, I got passed to #2. #2 was 'okay' with me, had many years of experience, and I figured it could work - but still wanted #1 (but know full well THAT wasn't happening). This week I get an email from #2 stating I'm being transitioned to #3, much to my surprise. Met with #3 yesterday and not feeling comfortable.
Emailed #1 yesterday afternoon and asked for a talk. She called me within minutes while I was driving home. She said she was surprised by the switch, but said I could go back to #2, or just dump #3 altogether and move on to someone else. She also told me that she would keep up on my case, and I call call #1 any time I have a question or concern. I said I would keep #3 for now, but if something transpires I don't like, to call #1 and she will do what she needs to do to make sure I'm happy and content.
I feel better after talking to #1, I know she has my back. Just wish I could clone her.
That's the story. I'll give the new one #3 a chance, unless she fails to earn my trust.
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COD....LOl...I know that you had your heart set on the "junkyard dog" type....
It seems that most everyone who anticipates going into legal "war" wants that type.....But...sometimes it is the quieter dog, in the corner of the yard that turns o ut to have the most lethal bite....
I don't know a lot of lawyers, at a personal level...but, I am thinking of two that I do know very well...one is my brother-in-law...and the other is the best friend of an old boyfriend....they are both very successful....my brother-in-law is an attorney in one of those Pennsylvania Avenue firms..the ones you see being interviewed on tv news shows. The other one graduated at the top of his class at Georgetown Law School and passed his bar exam, the first, time, easily.
They are both, the quietest, understated people in the room. However, they are both as smart as *ell....very methodical in everything they do...and. really, really do their research.
Who knew?
It seems that most everyone who anticipates going into legal "war" wants that type.....But...sometimes it is the quieter dog, in the corner of the yard that turns o ut to have the most lethal bite....
I don't know a lot of lawyers, at a personal level...but, I am thinking of two that I do know very well...one is my brother-in-law...and the other is the best friend of an old boyfriend....they are both very successful....my brother-in-law is an attorney in one of those Pennsylvania Avenue firms..the ones you see being interviewed on tv news shows. The other one graduated at the top of his class at Georgetown Law School and passed his bar exam, the first, time, easily.
They are both, the quietest, understated people in the room. However, they are both as smart as *ell....very methodical in everything they do...and. really, really do their research.
Who knew?
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See, I'm quiet, so I didn't want someone like me!! I wanted someone who could jump in and say the stuff that I would have a hard time saying. Not that #3 can't do that, it's just I don't know. I told my 'favorite' that I would give this new one a chance and we'll go from there. She might surprise me, which would be comforting.
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Originally Posted by TropicalWinter 
Does your new attorney have any online reviews, such as on avvo.com? You might be able to get some information there.
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I can't really speak to the attorney issues - but I wish you luck!
As an aside, I wonder if your recent surgery-related recovery changed the way you expect any of this to unfold?
Did you see anything more clearly that you're in a better position to manage now? (even as simple as realizing she isn't changing at all, moreso than you even realized before this?)
Did this setback create a growth experience for you, even just in begin able to sit back & deal with being out of control?
As an aside, I wonder if your recent surgery-related recovery changed the way you expect any of this to unfold?
Did you see anything more clearly that you're in a better position to manage now? (even as simple as realizing she isn't changing at all, moreso than you even realized before this?)
Did this setback create a growth experience for you, even just in begin able to sit back & deal with being out of control?
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Originally Posted by FireSprite
I can't really speak to the attorney issues - but I wish you luck!
As an aside, I wonder if your recent surgery-related recovery changed the way you expect any of this to unfold?
Did you see anything more clearly that you're in a better position to manage now? (even as simple as realizing she isn't changing at all, moreso than you even realized before this?)
Did this setback create a growth experience for you, even just in begin able to sit back & deal with being out of control?
As an aside, I wonder if your recent surgery-related recovery changed the way you expect any of this to unfold?
Did you see anything more clearly that you're in a better position to manage now? (even as simple as realizing she isn't changing at all, moreso than you even realized before this?)
Did this setback create a growth experience for you, even just in begin able to sit back & deal with being out of control?
I know it has to move forward, especially after the verbal bashing she gave me last night. Of course, this morning she acts like nothing happened. So, she either feels better about telling me (again for the 100th+ time) that I'm a lousy husband and person, or she was too out of it to remember. Either way, I'm drained today.
As far as any revelations, no, I don't think so.
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FWIW my lawyer is the newest and most junior associate of one of the best-known family law firms in my city and he is excellent. I went with him (rather than a more experienced lawyer from a less-reputed firm) on the grounds that a really good law practice would be able to hire the best new lawyers out of law school, and that new lawyers have something to prove and won't coast the way someone who's been around forever might do. (My lawyer is also the only male associate in a firm of powerhouse female lawyers so I thought, "okay, he obviously does not have a problem with strong women"!). If you have #1 keeping an eye on things with #3 (and #3 knows this), that sounds like a good setup.
Also FWIW, my limited experience is that the junkyard-dog teeth-bared lawyer is not as effective as the persistent, keeps-coming-back, doesn't-give-up lawyer who really knows the case. The tactics that appear to work on TV don't actually work that well IRL.
Also FWIW, my limited experience is that the junkyard-dog teeth-bared lawyer is not as effective as the persistent, keeps-coming-back, doesn't-give-up lawyer who really knows the case. The tactics that appear to work on TV don't actually work that well IRL.
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Originally Posted by Sasha1972
FWIW my lawyer is the newest and most junior associate of one of the best-known family law firms in my city and he is excellent. I went with him (rather than a more experienced lawyer from a less-reputed firm) on the grounds that a really good law practice would be able to hire the best new lawyers out of law school, and that new lawyers have something to prove and won't coast the way someone who's been around forever might do...
Also FWIW, my limited experience is that the junkyard-dog teeth-bared lawyer is not as effective as the persistent, keeps-coming-back, doesn't-give-up lawyer who really knows the case. The tactics that appear to work on TV don't actually work that well IRL.
Also FWIW, my limited experience is that the junkyard-dog teeth-bared lawyer is not as effective as the persistent, keeps-coming-back, doesn't-give-up lawyer who really knows the case. The tactics that appear to work on TV don't actually work that well IRL.
He is not a bulldog, and I think that has played well with judges and the guardian ad litem who were more likely to be persuaded by his factual and thoughtful approach. Add to that, when he really does get worked up or angry about something, I know I take notice - and I suspect the same is true of those other stakeholders with whom he works.
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Originally Posted by CentralOhioDad
No reviews, I checked. She comes from a much-smaller county south of Columbus. I asked about working for clients up against addiction, and she said it was more drug addiction where she was.
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COD,
She is a bully. I would not want to be around and or take her calls when she gets served. She will verbally abuse you more then she ever did. She will punish you my friend, and you know that. To sit there and watch her being served..... forget it. Go away for the weekend. Let her send all the mean messages to voice mail. Don't erase them, keep them for divorce court. I wouldn't even listen to them, it will only upset you. Press "ignore"!!
Nothing has changed, and you know that. You are avoiding the inevitable. I promise you, life is good after a divorce. Your smile comes back, the anxiety disappears. Your world changes. You are doing no good for you, DS or your AW, by delaying the process. You can do this, you know its time. Hugs!!
She is a bully. I would not want to be around and or take her calls when she gets served. She will verbally abuse you more then she ever did. She will punish you my friend, and you know that. To sit there and watch her being served..... forget it. Go away for the weekend. Let her send all the mean messages to voice mail. Don't erase them, keep them for divorce court. I wouldn't even listen to them, it will only upset you. Press "ignore"!!
Nothing has changed, and you know that. You are avoiding the inevitable. I promise you, life is good after a divorce. Your smile comes back, the anxiety disappears. Your world changes. You are doing no good for you, DS or your AW, by delaying the process. You can do this, you know its time. Hugs!!
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Originally Posted by CentralOhioDad
Wow, you give me a lot of credit!! Things may have changed, but I'm usually not that self-aware to recognize these things. (I am aware of the fact I'm self-unaware. NO, I'm not on pain meds).
I know it has to move forward, especially after the verbal bashing she gave me last night. Of course, this morning she acts like nothing happened. So, she either feels better about telling me (again for the 100th+ time) that I'm a lousy husband and person, or she was too out of it to remember. Either way, I'm drained today.
As far as any revelations, no, I don't think so.
I know it has to move forward, especially after the verbal bashing she gave me last night. Of course, this morning she acts like nothing happened. So, she either feels better about telling me (again for the 100th+ time) that I'm a lousy husband and person, or she was too out of it to remember. Either way, I'm drained today.
As far as any revelations, no, I don't think so.
And I mean this in the kindness way possible - it's almost a blessing - not that you are drained of course, but that it's so tangible and serves to reinforce your decision
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