Boyfriend is detoxing from acohol , but he doesn't call me or text me
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Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 1
Boyfriend is detoxing from acohol , but he doesn't call me or text me
Hi ,
I've been with my boyfriend for almost two years now and he is 8 days sober he is in the detoxing faze , I've been by his side through it all the make up and break ups , but since he's been detoxing he doesn't call or text me at all , like he used too . we spend last weekend together and he was flirting with me and showing some type of.affection but he couldn't preform for me sexually which made him a little embarrassed , but since he went back to his.place he's distant again and I don't understand why , I feel like he doesn't love me but he says he does .
I've been with my boyfriend for almost two years now and he is 8 days sober he is in the detoxing faze , I've been by his side through it all the make up and break ups , but since he's been detoxing he doesn't call or text me at all , like he used too . we spend last weekend together and he was flirting with me and showing some type of.affection but he couldn't preform for me sexually which made him a little embarrassed , but since he went back to his.place he's distant again and I don't understand why , I feel like he doesn't love me but he says he does .
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 994
he is 8 days sober he is in the detoxing faze
Hi. Welcome to SR. This will be why he is not contacting you. Detoxing is very, very hard. It will give him nasty symptoms and he will have to concentrate on himself to get through it. Once he has detoxed and if he decides to stay sober he will have to work very, very hard to stay sober in some sort of programme. This will take all his efforts and concentration also. He will have little if no time to give to your relationship at least for the first few months...maybe much longer. It does not mean he doesn't love you but it does mean you will have to be prepared to take a back seat for an indefinite period of time.
If you read the stickies at the top of the forum it will give you some insight into what he is trying to do, what life is like with an alcoholic and how hard it is to stop drinking and also show you what you need to do for yourself so you can understand alcoholism and focus on your own life while he focuses on his sobriety.
Hi. Welcome to SR. This will be why he is not contacting you. Detoxing is very, very hard. It will give him nasty symptoms and he will have to concentrate on himself to get through it. Once he has detoxed and if he decides to stay sober he will have to work very, very hard to stay sober in some sort of programme. This will take all his efforts and concentration also. He will have little if no time to give to your relationship at least for the first few months...maybe much longer. It does not mean he doesn't love you but it does mean you will have to be prepared to take a back seat for an indefinite period of time.
If you read the stickies at the top of the forum it will give you some insight into what he is trying to do, what life is like with an alcoholic and how hard it is to stop drinking and also show you what you need to do for yourself so you can understand alcoholism and focus on your own life while he focuses on his sobriety.
Friendly Folk
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Powers Lake, Wisconsin
Posts: 21,717
You need to get educated about what happens during detox. The first week is hard on the body. The next months are hard on the mind. Have you thought about attending an al-anon meeting?
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
but since he's been detoxing he doesn't call or text me at all , like he used too . we spend last weekend together
so you mean since last weekend......that's the "like he used to" part...not some time period 6 months ago, or 2 years ago, but roughly one WEEK ago.
it would be wise for you to learn about addiction and recovery. the detox process is tough, and varies by individual on just how tough it is. when a person becomes dependent on a substance, then that substance is no longer available, the body goes into shock/withdrawal and there is a mess of physical/mental symptoms.
IF your bf is SERIOUS about recovery, this part is vitally important. and that means that at least for now, that is where his focus must be.
he's dealing with a potentially fatal disease.....texting his gf isn't real high on his priority right now.
now would be a good time to look at your own "dependence" and how quick you are to jump to "he doesn't love me anymore" because of a few DAYS of low contact.
so you mean since last weekend......that's the "like he used to" part...not some time period 6 months ago, or 2 years ago, but roughly one WEEK ago.
it would be wise for you to learn about addiction and recovery. the detox process is tough, and varies by individual on just how tough it is. when a person becomes dependent on a substance, then that substance is no longer available, the body goes into shock/withdrawal and there is a mess of physical/mental symptoms.
IF your bf is SERIOUS about recovery, this part is vitally important. and that means that at least for now, that is where his focus must be.
he's dealing with a potentially fatal disease.....texting his gf isn't real high on his priority right now.
now would be a good time to look at your own "dependence" and how quick you are to jump to "he doesn't love me anymore" because of a few DAYS of low contact.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,001
Welcome to Soberrecovery Nice! I'm glad you found us and hope you find lots of support here.
It is wonderful that your boyfriend is sober for 8 days. Unfortunately this is just the beginning of a long road to recovery if he is indeed serious about it. My bf never really sought recovery so I didn't go through this.
Please do everything you can to educate yourself about alcoholism and codependency. It is a huge thing to deal with. Learn to detach and take care of yourself.
Big hug to you and let us know how things go.
It is wonderful that your boyfriend is sober for 8 days. Unfortunately this is just the beginning of a long road to recovery if he is indeed serious about it. My bf never really sought recovery so I didn't go through this.
Please do everything you can to educate yourself about alcoholism and codependency. It is a huge thing to deal with. Learn to detach and take care of yourself.
Big hug to you and let us know how things go.
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