Do I say something?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 5
Do I say something?
Hello!
It’s been a while since I have posted. I left my ex alcoholic boyfriend a little over a year ago. I am living in California and he is in Pennsylvania now. The last time we spoke was around 6 months ago, he said he is sober and going to AA and still wanted to be with me. I said if this was true then he needed to visit me in CA and think about moving here because I was not going to do this again on his terms. He said thinking about moving was too stressful and he wouldn’t be able to do it, so did not feel it would be worth visiting if he wasn’t sure he would be able to move. I then decided to go no contact, I was just continuing to feel hurt and rejected. If he really wanted to be with me he should have made more of an effort.
My problem now is we have a mutual friends wedding approaching in a few months. I am in the wedding party so it is not something I can skip. Knowing that I will see him again is bringing up a lot of memories and I am having dreams about him almost every night. I will be bringing a date to the wedding with me. I do not want to miss my ex and want him out of my consciousness. The way things ended did not feel right, it was abrupt no contact. Should I contact him before the wedding to clear the air? Should I continue not to say anything? Feeling very anxious! Any advice appreciated
It’s been a while since I have posted. I left my ex alcoholic boyfriend a little over a year ago. I am living in California and he is in Pennsylvania now. The last time we spoke was around 6 months ago, he said he is sober and going to AA and still wanted to be with me. I said if this was true then he needed to visit me in CA and think about moving here because I was not going to do this again on his terms. He said thinking about moving was too stressful and he wouldn’t be able to do it, so did not feel it would be worth visiting if he wasn’t sure he would be able to move. I then decided to go no contact, I was just continuing to feel hurt and rejected. If he really wanted to be with me he should have made more of an effort.
My problem now is we have a mutual friends wedding approaching in a few months. I am in the wedding party so it is not something I can skip. Knowing that I will see him again is bringing up a lot of memories and I am having dreams about him almost every night. I will be bringing a date to the wedding with me. I do not want to miss my ex and want him out of my consciousness. The way things ended did not feel right, it was abrupt no contact. Should I contact him before the wedding to clear the air? Should I continue not to say anything? Feeling very anxious! Any advice appreciated
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,618
What do you mean by "clearing the air"?
If you've been no contact for six months and are moving on with life (bringing a new date to the wedding), I'm not sure what would be accomplished by contacting your ex now. I'm sure it feels uncomfortable to think about seeing him at the wedding, but I don't think that uncomfortable feeling would be relieved by talking to your ex or renewing your contact with him in advance of the wedding.
If you've been no contact for six months and are moving on with life (bringing a new date to the wedding), I'm not sure what would be accomplished by contacting your ex now. I'm sure it feels uncomfortable to think about seeing him at the wedding, but I don't think that uncomfortable feeling would be relieved by talking to your ex or renewing your contact with him in advance of the wedding.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
it sounds like you have not fully let go or closed the door on this one? you'll need to get your head straight before the wedding......as in IT"S OVER. he's been an EX for a year.........
and it's not true that you could not get out of the wedding. you didn't sign a legal contract. the wedding will go off whether you are in the party or not. you have choices.
and it's not true that you could not get out of the wedding. you didn't sign a legal contract. the wedding will go off whether you are in the party or not. you have choices.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
He said thinking about moving was too stressful and he wouldn’t be able to do it, so did not feel it would be worth visiting if he wasn’t sure he would be able to move. I then decided to go no contact,
I agree, you have not really moved on from that relationship. Resolving your emotions regarding it prior to the wedding would benefit you and your date as well as the old BF. The last thing you want is to act out on emotions to something that only you have not resolved yet.
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