Clover71

Love this, and it certainly doesn't have to pertain a relationship with an addict. I've spoken to a friend about the "breadcrumbs" before. Her BF didn't drink. He was just an cheating ass

Sleepyhollo

I definitely b live dry drink is a thing. My now RaH stopped drinking for 13 months 3 years ago. He was probably worse than when he was drinking. Grumpy, always tired, very reactive etc. The one thing he had to cope he no longer had and he was not doing any sort of treatment. Then he relapsed and before too long it got out of control again. One year later I was done and told him so. Apparently, he admitted a while ago, he had come to the realization he could not go on like that and so when I gave him my ultimatum he actually took it serious. He got sent to rehab for 3 months and has now been clean for 1.5 years. Rehab was rough because it took him a good 7 weeks before he finally saw his manipulative ways. He has come a very long way even since leaving rehab and has changed a lot. So I do believe dry drunk is real. And some people are just assholes with or without the alcohol and there are probably some people who may not change a lot per se because the did not get the intense therapy that most people need to really change their behavior. I’m convinced that without rehab my H would not have changed as much as he has. Or it would’ve taken him 10 years. Everyone is different obviously but people can change if they are motivated to do so. But they have to be really morivated.

aliciagr

I don't really believe in the dry drunk concept, but I do think people can have trouble adapting to life sober. New coping skills will need to be developed which can be hard depending on how much reliance there was on alcohol. New activities to replace ones that were linked with alcohol use. And then of course there can be issues that were there all along (underlying issues) that are not addressed simply because someone stops using. Like the abuse your husband suffered as a child, etc. And then I also agree: sober up a horse thief and you still have a horse thief. Sober up a good guy and you still have a good guy.

Have the two of you ever done family therapy?

Givenup2018

No, we did separate counselling and marriage counselling and he has more therapy for childhood stuff. We haven't done any therapy together except the MC, though it wasn't so helpful. Right now neither of us feel we are in a place for it. I would rather focus on myself than the relationship.