What are the chances of 2 RAs finding true love in AA?
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What are the chances of 2 RAs finding true love in AA?
My soon to be ex husband had an affair and then came begging me back only to go into AA then leave me for a woman he met there. I have moved on and I’m glad his crazy mood swings and narcissistic personality are no longer my direct problem. However, he has focused all his negative energy on me, self victimizing himself making me out to be the devil and forcing his AA girlfriend on my kids on his one day a week visitation despite the kids asking for time alone with him.
I’ve asked this before and was looking for some more insight. Do these AA relationships last typically? I know a few things about this woman and I really dont want her around my kids. I know There’s nothing I can Do about it other than hope his relationship blows up in his face. In only 3 months of sobriety he’s left me and moved into an apartment, changed jobs, gotten into a new hot and heavy romance even giving her the key to his apartment and never talks to his AA sponsor anymore.
I’ve asked this before and was looking for some more insight. Do these AA relationships last typically? I know a few things about this woman and I really dont want her around my kids. I know There’s nothing I can Do about it other than hope his relationship blows up in his face. In only 3 months of sobriety he’s left me and moved into an apartment, changed jobs, gotten into a new hot and heavy romance even giving her the key to his apartment and never talks to his AA sponsor anymore.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
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No one here can predict the future.
Sometimes they last, sometimes they fail. Sometimes they last and are miserable, sometimes they last and are not. Sometimes they fail and the next one lasts. Who knows, there are about a million variables.
What if, instead of wishing misery upon him, you spent that energy focusing on your own recovery, and the things you can control?
There is a member here, Lexiecat, who hasn’t been around lately. She is full of wisdom, but one of the best things I ever read from her was the advice to pray for those who have hurt you. I don’t pray, personally, but the idea helped shift my perspective off of the sick people who I was letting live rent free in my head and on to me and building the life I deserved.
He will always be a part of your life because of your kids. But he will only have as much power over you and your wellbeing as you give him.
Sometimes they last, sometimes they fail. Sometimes they last and are miserable, sometimes they last and are not. Sometimes they fail and the next one lasts. Who knows, there are about a million variables.
What if, instead of wishing misery upon him, you spent that energy focusing on your own recovery, and the things you can control?
There is a member here, Lexiecat, who hasn’t been around lately. She is full of wisdom, but one of the best things I ever read from her was the advice to pray for those who have hurt you. I don’t pray, personally, but the idea helped shift my perspective off of the sick people who I was letting live rent free in my head and on to me and building the life I deserved.
He will always be a part of your life because of your kids. But he will only have as much power over you and your wellbeing as you give him.
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
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Hi, Jewlstar.
As Sparkle says, we can’t know what the future holds.
I guess I would be thinking less about the ex and more about me and the kids.
How we doing? Are we okay with the new normal?
If not, can anything be done to help.?
That’s where I would be putting my focus.
Good thoughts.
As Sparkle says, we can’t know what the future holds.
I guess I would be thinking less about the ex and more about me and the kids.
How we doing? Are we okay with the new normal?
If not, can anything be done to help.?
That’s where I would be putting my focus.
Good thoughts.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
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we don't get to control who our ex's hook up with. my ex husband left me when our daughter was less than 3.....for my best friend. ha. and i had to deal with him and her until after he passed away from cancer after my daughter had graduated college. unless there is something illegal, dangerous or provable in a court of law, it is what it is.....
i get why you are upset. but it's early days....just a couple months. as long as your children are not physically harmed, starved, riding in a car with someone who has been drinking, it just is what it is.
yes he's being a total douche. but that is hardly a surprise. give time time. limit his contact to the best of your ability and make sure your kids know YOU are THERE for THEM, always.
i get why you are upset. but it's early days....just a couple months. as long as your children are not physically harmed, starved, riding in a car with someone who has been drinking, it just is what it is.
yes he's being a total douche. but that is hardly a surprise. give time time. limit his contact to the best of your ability and make sure your kids know YOU are THERE for THEM, always.
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Originally Posted by Jewelstar 
How I’ve turned into the enemy after everything he’s put me through. I guess I shouldnt Be surprised though.
as for
What are the chances of 2 RAs finding true love in AA?
2 sickies dontmake a wellie.
the odds are good but the goods are odd.
theres true love, lust, and a perverted wisted misconception of what love is.
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
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Well, we know that addicts see everything through self-involved lenses.
Im glad you are free of him and his nonsense.
Freer, anyway.
Someday he will be just an unpleasant memory.
Take care of yourself, and enjoy every drama free day.
Im glad you are free of him and his nonsense.
Freer, anyway.
Someday he will be just an unpleasant memory.
Take care of yourself, and enjoy every drama free day.
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Thanks everyone. I guess I’m struggling with the injustice of it all. How I’ve turned into the enemy after everything he’s put me through. I guess I shouldnt Be surprised though.
I think for as long as we view a relationship ending with a drunk cheater as a loss to us and that someone else is getting that “prize” the greater chance we risk of making bigger mistakes in our lives, like taking them back!
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Do these AA relationships last typically?
My sister ditched her marriage for a fellow pothead. Technically, it's been going on for a decade, but I personally think the romance has been dead for quite some time. She's too embarrassed to admit that she made a mistake (although she asks other people if she should dump him), and so she's waiting for a better safety net of a boyfriend to come around. Her kids tolerated the BF but have a close relationship with their dad.
When this all came down several years ago, you would have never been able to sense that this would be the eventual outcome. All I saw were two kids who really liked their mom's new boyfriend.
There was a Modern Love essay written by the "Other Woman" about her friendship with the soon to be ex-wife. I always thought the ex-wife was a brilliant strategist, bringing the somewhat unstable Other Woman close to her so she could keep an eye on her kids. I don't know if I have her constitution.
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/11/24/s...o-divorce.html
Chump Lady, (if you don't know her, look her up!) true to her fashion, raked the essay through the coals.
https://www.chumplady.com/2017/11/ub...guide-divorce/
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Join Date: Mar 2017
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That Modern Love essay was ... unbelievable. How is it possible for a functioning adult to have so little insight? ChumpLady was right on the money.
(FWIW - I am friends with my ex's other ex-wife (x2), his former rebound girlfriend. BUT she came to me, made amends for the pain she had had a part in inflicting on me and Kid, and helped me put together the pieces to get a clearer picture of ex's drinking and its impact on Kid. In other words, she had her big girl pants on. She in turn has been supplanted by ex's newest girlfriend, a Rehab Romance who is also a multiply convicted felon almost literally half his age).
(FWIW - I am friends with my ex's other ex-wife (x2), his former rebound girlfriend. BUT she came to me, made amends for the pain she had had a part in inflicting on me and Kid, and helped me put together the pieces to get a clearer picture of ex's drinking and its impact on Kid. In other words, she had her big girl pants on. She in turn has been supplanted by ex's newest girlfriend, a Rehab Romance who is also a multiply convicted felon almost literally half his age).
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Join Date: Nov 2013
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You are a wise wonan to try again and let go. I know you dont need my kudos, but really, I am impressed with your a ceptance and desire to move on.
My personal experience in witnessing unrecovered people, even "in recovey," is that untreated is untreated and that's the attraction. Its just not hard to predict the outcome.
I got an attorney. My x had to demonstrate sanity and sobriety before seeing the children. After a short while that got tiresome and expensive for him trying to disprove the obvious, and he moved on. Never did he get right.
Protect yourself and the kiddos.
My personal experience in witnessing unrecovered people, even "in recovey," is that untreated is untreated and that's the attraction. Its just not hard to predict the outcome.
I got an attorney. My x had to demonstrate sanity and sobriety before seeing the children. After a short while that got tiresome and expensive for him trying to disprove the obvious, and he moved on. Never did he get right.
Protect yourself and the kiddos.
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Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 235
Originally Posted by Jewelstar
However, he has focused all his negative energy on me, self victimizing himself making me out to be the devil
Originally Posted by Jewelstar
In only 3 months of sobriety he’s left me and moved into an apartment, changed jobs, gotten into a new hot and heavy romance even giving her the key to his apartment and never talks to his AA sponsor anymore.
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 994
My exah had a different relationship with every rehab, including a gay one which was never something I saw coming. I found if the person he was seeing got well they dumped him. If he thought he was more well then them he dumped them...but they never lasted. My sons had to see these woman and the man my ex was having relationships with when he had access and he once took them on a recovery trip with 30 other recovering alcoholics on a boat trip. To be fair some of them were really nice and one or two my son kept in contact with for a time but they all drifted off either back to drinking or stayed sober and moved away from alcoholic circles of friends.
I never actually cared who my exah was seeing. I did care who he exposed our sons too but it worked out OK in the end. They weren't monsters and some took more interest in my sons then he ever had.
I never actually cared who my exah was seeing. I did care who he exposed our sons too but it worked out OK in the end. They weren't monsters and some took more interest in my sons then he ever had.
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