honeypig

Wanted to post this link to a mighty interesting read over in the "Newcomers" forum:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-recovery.html (51 things you should know about addiction recovery)

Here's item #1, just to pique your curiosity:

1) Getting sober and living sober are two different things. In fact, they are two completely different phases of recovery. Early recovery is nothing like being 2, 4, or 8 years sober. It is so different that many people relapse because they never move past the initial phase of recovery where they are just hanging on for dear life to stay sober. This no longer works after a few months in recovery and eventually you have to start growing as a person in order to maintain positive direction in your life. Beware staying stuck in early recovery strategies. If you depend on group therapy after a few years in recovery, then something is wrong….

biminiblue

2) Convincing others to take action in terms of getting clean and sober is very, very difficult. Most people would say that it is impossible to force another person to give up drugs and alcohol, and that the decision must come from the individual alone. It is possible to influence an addict through practicing detachment and becoming aware of how not to enable the person in your life. This takes practice and most people need help to learn how to do it well.

NYCDoglvr

Honey, this is a deeply profound list and I thank you. This jumped out at me because it's so true. Some people "talk the talk ........but don't walk the walk".
Bill Wilson said drinking is but a symptom of a bigger problem (the "ism") which is why the 12-Steps work for many other addictions (from codependency to food to gambling and debiting).

honeypig

I want to post #31 here, b/c I think it absolutely applies to us on this side of the board too. It seems to me that the folks who get the most help from SR are the ones who DO reach out, post in other threads, read other areas of the forum, the ones who go to Alanon and get really involved, coming early to set up or staying late to put things away, accepting their turn as the meeting leader or speaker.

Recovery isn't something that can be done to me or for me; I have to reach out and actively grab it. Part of that is sharing whatever I might have to offer w/those who I could possibly help.

31)Reaching out to help others in recovery is probably in the top 3 most effective strategies (the other 2 being gratitude and exercise). Helping others in recovery is really powerful, because of the benefits that the individual gets from doing so. First of all it makes you feel good to help others, and directly protects you against relapse. Second of all it actually helps someone else, so it is a win-win situation that helps everyone. Third of all, you are spreading good karma when you help others that can (and often does) come back to directly help you out in the future. Finally, if you are teaching others when you are helping them, then this helps you by reinforcing the lessons for your own self improvement. You learn more deeply when you transfer your knowledge to others.

joandmelandhan

honeypig what a coincidence we both posted this list yesterday! Great minds think alike!
It was a game changer for me (me being the alcoholic) in terms of moving forward and actually recovering rather than just putting down the bottle with no work. Thanks for sharing!

honeypig

It really struck a chord w/me too--although I'm not an alcoholic, there is certainly plenty in recovery that is applicable to both sides of the alcoholism situation. I know that in the early days, I certainly thought that if AH would just stop drinking, everything would be fine, and I wouldn't have to change a thing.

Well...I learned THAT was not true!

This list is so full of insights, suggestions, and ideas that will help ME keep moving that I can't even begin to take them all in at once, and thus I subscribed to the thread so it will always be easily accessible to me in my "subscribed threads" list when I need a boost, a kick in the hind end, or some inspiration.

Let me post #36 here:

36) Always be in learning mode. This is critical for success, especially in early recovery. So much of what it is going to take to stay clean and sober in the long run is a mystery when you are first entering recovery. Therefore it makes sense that you should focus on learning as your main priority. Figure out what works for you and what actually helps you to stay clean and sober. You might want to politely ignore most suggestions and instead see what actually helps you instead of just taking other people’s word for it. For example, physical exercise has helped me a lot more than 12 step meetings, but can you guess which one gets recommended more frequently?

Everyone has different needs and priorities in their life, and so certain recovery strategies might work better for some rather than others. Experimentation is key. Be ready to learn about yourself and how recovery works best for you. If you are not open to experimenting and being eager to learn then this process will not go as smoothly.

honeypig

Wanted to bump this back up for another go-round. Hope someone who needs it today sees it.

August252015

To the above comments about the top 3: I'd submit that as AA says, "service to others" is the most important factor in maintaining recovery. We become the skin horses for others.

I don't think exercise is in the top 3- it's a bonus. I would concur with the reaching out to others, having a sober network.

36 is critical - progress not perfection, always room to learn - an accepting and open mind - and one reason that the folks who have what I want (in life) with lots of sobriety still maintain a solid meeting attendance.