Worried and stressed
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Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Alma, MI
Posts: 11
Worried and stressed
My boyfriend of a year is an alcoholic. He freely admits to it. But he's says he doesn't want to stop drinking. He was pretty bad when we met. He was drinking around 10 to 15 25oz beers a day. Sleeping most of it. He slowed down for awhile only drinking about 3 or 4. He was somewhat active and fun to be around. The last 2 weeks here has been complaining if dizziness and weak. But he only gets it of his chair to get beer or use the bathroom. He's now back to drinking around 8 to 10 of the big ones and says he doesn't drink that much. He sleeps about 12to14 hours. He refused to do anything. He has started asking me to even go to the store for him to get his beer. He says if i care, i will go get his beer. It might be important to say he is intellectually impaired. He lies a lot about everything. He says he's not "buzzing" when he's clearly intoxicated. I am sick with stress and i feel like there is only one solution and that is to leave him. I love him and i worry but all he thinks is that nobody cares. I've tried talking but either he doesn't understand (due to his disability) or I'm just having an excuse for why he doesn't seem to understand. He now sitting in a separate room all day and night. We haven't slept together in the same bed in over 6 months. We don't go anywhere together except to the store for him to get beer. He doesn't have a license so i have to drive him. I just don't know what to do anymore. I just want to have my boyfriend as a boyfriend, not just a roommate.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hello Novaqayn, Welcome to SR!
I am sorry for what brings you here, but very happy that you have found us. In all likelihood, your BF is telling you the truth. *He* does not have a problem with his drinking. *You* do have a problem with his drinking.
I wish I could tell you some magic thing to do or say that will get your BF to realize what he is doing to himself, but sadly, there is no such thing. He will have to want to quit for himself when he is tired of living this way. That decision has to come from within.
I won't tell you what you should do, but if it were me, I would not buy his beer for him at the store. For me, it would be like providing someone with the ammunition for the gun with which they were trying to shoot themselves. It's why I don't give cash to homeless people.
I hope you will take some time to read the threads here, and especially the posts pinned to the top of this sub-forum. They contain a lot of valuable information and reading for newcomers.
I really am so sorry for what you are going through! But you have found a place where people really do get it...hang in there!
I am sorry for what brings you here, but very happy that you have found us. In all likelihood, your BF is telling you the truth. *He* does not have a problem with his drinking. *You* do have a problem with his drinking.
I wish I could tell you some magic thing to do or say that will get your BF to realize what he is doing to himself, but sadly, there is no such thing. He will have to want to quit for himself when he is tired of living this way. That decision has to come from within.
I won't tell you what you should do, but if it were me, I would not buy his beer for him at the store. For me, it would be like providing someone with the ammunition for the gun with which they were trying to shoot themselves. It's why I don't give cash to homeless people.
I hope you will take some time to read the threads here, and especially the posts pinned to the top of this sub-forum. They contain a lot of valuable information and reading for newcomers.
I really am so sorry for what you are going through! But you have found a place where people really do get it...hang in there!
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Originally Posted by Novaqayn 
My boyfriend of a year is an alcoholic. He freely admits to it. But he's says he doesn't want to stop drinking. He was pretty bad when we met.
But he only gets it of his chair to get beer or use the bathroom.
He sleeps about 12 to 14 hours. He refused to do anything. He has started asking me to even go to the store for him to get his beer.
He lies a lot about everything. He says he's not "buzzing" when he's clearly intoxicated.
He now sitting in a separate room all day and night. We haven't slept together in the same bed in over 6 months. We don't go anywhere together except to the store for him to get beer.
I just want to have my boyfriend as a boyfriend, not just a roommate.
I am not an expert, and so can't comment on his "mental disability", but I most certainly CAN say that you are not in any way obligated to this man. He seems to have found some way to get alcohol and to live before you came along, and if you vanished off the face of the earth today, I can pretty much guarantee you he'd find a way to meet his needs again--he's NOT going to wither and die without you, whatever you may believe.
Read around the forum here. Make sure to look at the stickies at the top of the page. Get yourself to an Alanon meeting. Once you've educated yourself about alcoholism, I think (and hope!) things may start to look different to you.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Nova, I just read another post from you over in the "Newcomers" forum, and it seems there is quite a lot you left out of your post here, including your own likely alcoholism and the fact that you have been drinking daily throughout most of your time w/your ABF. Quoted from your other thread:
I have an entirely different understanding of your thread here now that I have a more complete picture of the situation.
People will be able to help you much more effectively if you are forthcoming and honest, rather than only presenting selected pieces of information.
I would be drinking and run out of beer. I would him up a cup with what beer i had and drive to the store to get more... With my kids in the car, then ages 1 and 2 (they are a year and a half apart) and i was 21. One of my friends told me how i could lose my children by doing so and i realized what was more important, my children. I then only drank when someone was able to babysit. I slowed down quite a bit, but still drank at every chance. I got divorced and it got worse. When the children were gone to their dads, i would be at a bar nearly every night. I would be careless and try to go home with just about anybody.
People will be able to help you much more effectively if you are forthcoming and honest, rather than only presenting selected pieces of information.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Originally Posted by Novaqayn
But he's says he doesn't want to stop drinking.
You cannot give someone else the willingness to change. If you are unhappy with your relationship as it stands today, you are going to have to be the one to make changes, whatever that means.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
It seems to me that you may get the best results from working on your OWN situation rather than concerning yourself so much with your ABF.
Are your children living with you and this man, or are they with someone else? It sounds as if they would still be too young to have moved out on their own.
Are your children living with you and this man, or are they with someone else? It sounds as if they would still be too young to have moved out on their own.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Alma, MI
Posts: 11
Originally Posted by honeypig
It seems to me that you may get the best results from working on your OWN situation rather than concerning yourself so much with your ABF.
Are your children living with you and this man, or are they with someone else? It sounds as if they would still be too young to have moved out on their own.
Are your children living with you and this man, or are they with someone else? It sounds as if they would still be too young to have moved out on their own.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Alma, MI
Posts: 11
Originally Posted by honeypig
I'm glad to hear that they are not involved in the current situation.
And this helps to put some perspective on how long these issues with alcohol have been in your life.
And this helps to put some perspective on how long these issues with alcohol have been in your life.
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Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Alma, MI
Posts: 11
Update
Well, my boyfriend almost died. He was sick and throwing up, dizzy, and was just not right. My cousin came over and finally got him to go to hospital. They checked his blood and his hemoglobin was 2.6 ... It's supposed to be around 13. Everyone in the emergency room was shocked that it was that low and he was walking. He ended up getting 6 units of blood and 3 days in the hospital. Went thru bad withdrawals for the first 2 days. He has now been alcohol free since March 4th. It was the scariest thing i had to deal with. But he's doing great and has said he doesn't want to drink now. It scared him too.
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