We have temporary custody of sister-in-law's children
 

***Posted in wrong forum, I have put it in the correct one.***

We are newly married in our early 30s (no children yet, but trying) and have just taken temporary custody of my sister-in-law's two children. They are 9 and 11. I have been with my now husband for over 10 years. His sister who is in her 40's has had a drug addiction since she was in her teens. She has been sober for years at a time, but always relapses at some point. Most recently it has been meth. This week has been hell for the family, and she was finally placed in a 30-day program.

We have the children in our care. I would never want the children anywhere else, but of course feelings of resentment and anger towards her are present. That being said, it has nothing to do with the children. We want to make sure that we do the best we can for them at this time. From what I understand she told them she is having a mental breakdown and will be under the care of a doctor.

My question to you guys is what is the best way to manage the children and the questions they may have about where there mom is. Also I was thinking, just so they feel connected to her possibly having them keep a little journal with weekly updates about school, sports and whatever is on their minds? I am not sure what and if there will be visitation at the rehab at this point as all of this just happened. Any insight would be great. :thanks

Wow, your life got turned upside down real fast. Good for you for stepping up and taking care of them. After being in the situation that they have faced for so many years, they probably have lots of their own issues as well.

Best of luck to you all. I feel so bad for those kids.

Sorry, I didn't really answer your questions, because I have nothing at the moment, but wanted to offer support.

COD

allbuddy.....God bless you for stepping up to care for those children!
I can remember that my own mother was hospitalized, when I was about the age of the oldest child....(broken bones...no addiction issues). I was sooo scared.
I think that journal is a great idea.
I think it is good if they can talk to you freely about any fears or questions that they have. I, also, think that it is important to be honest with them. They will find out the truth, anyway, if they don't already know it.....
They will feel more secure if they have some adults that they can trust....

Welcome,
If I were in this situation I would be honest with the children but explain in a way of their understanding. I feel they will find the truth out at some point anyway, so being upfront about it now would probably relieve some resentments in the future.
I am sure they know something more is going on whether they admit it or not. Kids are so in tune with their surroundings, its crazy.
I would suggest Alateen for the kids, so they are more equipped to handle what they could be looking at for their future dealings with "mom", counseling as well. I think this would guide them to whatever they need or want to tell their mother.
Best wishes to you and your family!

-DC

God bless you and your husband for stepping up for the children.

30 days is not very much time to address a meth addiction. I hope the children stay with you until she has proven herself over the course of time.

I would recommend the truth for the children, in an age appropriate way. I found out the hard way with my own children that they really resent secrets and not being told what is going on. It's also important they know what is happening so they know what to look for in the future in case of relapse.

I would advise to have a signed contract with her in regards to what would happen if she were to relapse after this. I would also encourage you, your husband, and the kids to seek out a Celebrate Recovery. Many of them have age appropriate small groups for children as well.

Sending you lots of support, keep reading, SR is a great place!