Stopping therapy...can I trust myself now?
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Stopping therapy...can I trust myself now?
Good morning friends.
I am many years out from my relationship with an alcoholic, and have very limited contact with my mother, who is an alcoholic who doesn't drink anymore.
I started down the road of recovery from codependency way back in 2003, when my first marriage (not to an A) imploded due to my total lack of self-esteem, codependency, control issues and all the other joy that is being an Adult Child of an Alcoholic.
I started with my therapist in crisis mode--four months straight of non-stop revelation and crying. Coming out of denial ain't pretty folks. I stayed in therapy the first time for about five years, when my therapist and I mutually agreed it was time to wrap things up.
Then I went off and lived for awhile, as a "whole person" for, really, the first time in my life. I made mistakes, I survived, I went through stuff, I kept growing, and kept learning. I went and saw her once, in 2010, after my father passed away.
Then, in the summer of 2014, as healthy as I was (especially compared to the first thirty-two years of my life) I realized I could no longer pretend I didn't have serious issues with compulsive eating, bulimia, and body dysmorphia. I decided to go back to my therapist, and we've been working on that every since.
Now I'm getting to a point where I feel a bit restless and that they help I'm getting from therapy has plateaued. It's more maintainance than continued progress (not that there's anything wrong with that). When it comes to disordered eating, I've definitely made progress. I still have challenges, and I accept that I might continue to have challenges for a long time (I didn't learn this stuff overnight), but I'm getting better at identifying and working through those challenges on my own.
I'm feeling like maybe it's time to step back from therapy and try life without it again for awhile.
But I question that feeling as well -- and to be honest, the questioning comes from the fact that my monthly mortgage payment is about to go up an amount each month that is abobut the same as my therapy bills.
Financially, we are fine. We have plenty of reserves. I have a great job that I don't think I am in danger of losing (of course, anything could happen). We could almost definitely afford for me to stay in therapy.
But there is always a part of me that, no matter how comfortable I am, is worried about money. I am concerned that this part is what's driving my decision, and that maybe I'm not actually ready to try handling life on my own yet.
I will speak to my therapist about this tomorrow, and I'm confident she will be honest with me, even if it means losing a patient. But I'm curious if anyone has any experience with moving on from therapy and what went into that decision.
Thanks, all.
I am many years out from my relationship with an alcoholic, and have very limited contact with my mother, who is an alcoholic who doesn't drink anymore.
I started down the road of recovery from codependency way back in 2003, when my first marriage (not to an A) imploded due to my total lack of self-esteem, codependency, control issues and all the other joy that is being an Adult Child of an Alcoholic.
I started with my therapist in crisis mode--four months straight of non-stop revelation and crying. Coming out of denial ain't pretty folks. I stayed in therapy the first time for about five years, when my therapist and I mutually agreed it was time to wrap things up.
Then I went off and lived for awhile, as a "whole person" for, really, the first time in my life. I made mistakes, I survived, I went through stuff, I kept growing, and kept learning. I went and saw her once, in 2010, after my father passed away.
Then, in the summer of 2014, as healthy as I was (especially compared to the first thirty-two years of my life) I realized I could no longer pretend I didn't have serious issues with compulsive eating, bulimia, and body dysmorphia. I decided to go back to my therapist, and we've been working on that every since.
Now I'm getting to a point where I feel a bit restless and that they help I'm getting from therapy has plateaued. It's more maintainance than continued progress (not that there's anything wrong with that). When it comes to disordered eating, I've definitely made progress. I still have challenges, and I accept that I might continue to have challenges for a long time (I didn't learn this stuff overnight), but I'm getting better at identifying and working through those challenges on my own.
I'm feeling like maybe it's time to step back from therapy and try life without it again for awhile.
But I question that feeling as well -- and to be honest, the questioning comes from the fact that my monthly mortgage payment is about to go up an amount each month that is abobut the same as my therapy bills.
Financially, we are fine. We have plenty of reserves. I have a great job that I don't think I am in danger of losing (of course, anything could happen). We could almost definitely afford for me to stay in therapy.
But there is always a part of me that, no matter how comfortable I am, is worried about money. I am concerned that this part is what's driving my decision, and that maybe I'm not actually ready to try handling life on my own yet.
I will speak to my therapist about this tomorrow, and I'm confident she will be honest with me, even if it means losing a patient. But I'm curious if anyone has any experience with moving on from therapy and what went into that decision.
Thanks, all.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
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I congratulate you on all the progress you have and continue to make. That's great!!
I've been seeing counselors off and on for years. You can always step back and take a break or go for "maintenance."
I did a bit of "weaning" as things were going better. Instead of once a week, I went once every other week. Then once a month, then once every two months, etc.
My counselor said, "I am always here you for you. If you need to come back at anytime, just call."
So it doesn't have to be an "all or nothing."
I've been seeing counselors off and on for years. You can always step back and take a break or go for "maintenance."
I did a bit of "weaning" as things were going better. Instead of once a week, I went once every other week. Then once a month, then once every two months, etc.
My counselor said, "I am always here you for you. If you need to come back at anytime, just call."
So it doesn't have to be an "all or nothing."
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Originally Posted by Learning14 
So it doesn't have to be an "all or nothing."
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Originally Posted by Learning14
I congratulate you on all the progress you have and continue to make. That's great!!
I've been seeing counselors off and on for years. You can always step back and take a break or go for "maintenance."
I did a bit of "weaning" as things were going better. Instead of once a week, I went once every other week. Then once a month, then once every two months, etc.
My counselor said, "I am always here you for you. If you need to come back at anytime, just call."
So it doesn't have to be an "all or nothing."
I've been seeing counselors off and on for years. You can always step back and take a break or go for "maintenance."
I did a bit of "weaning" as things were going better. Instead of once a week, I went once every other week. Then once a month, then once every two months, etc.
My counselor said, "I am always here you for you. If you need to come back at anytime, just call."
So it doesn't have to be an "all or nothing."
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Originally Posted by Spence7471
I would agree... Look at cutting back the therapy sessions, but not completely... maybe once a month or two, etc... One thing is that one should have some sort of maintenance program that keeps you from slipping back into your old ways...
But maybe not!
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Originally Posted by SparkleKitty
I am currently seeing her once every two weeks. The last time we discussed meeting with less frequency, there was reluctance on her end, because she has a hard time maintaining a patient schedule when she can't offer someone the same time every week. I have one of her prime spots (during lunch), so if I did reduce frequency, she might not have a time available that will coordinate with my work schedule.
But maybe not!
But maybe not!
You do see that is HER problem, right? Controlly McTrollerson Everything "-just-so-" Therapist, I see you!!
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Sparklekitty you are such an inspiration!
As you cutback in therapy visits, try to add in other selfcare practices. Can you have coffee with a girlfriend or hike in the woods or watch Tedtalk videos to “pick up the slack” of cutting back?
As you cutback in therapy visits, try to add in other selfcare practices. Can you have coffee with a girlfriend or hike in the woods or watch Tedtalk videos to “pick up the slack” of cutting back?
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Originally Posted by biminiblue
You do see that is HER problem, right? Controlly McTrollerson Everything "-just-so-" Therapist, I see you!!But again, I hear ya.
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IDK - this is a new ballgame for me & I'm ready to call it quits after just a couple of months.
Is it possible that you've hit a wall with this process/method just like you did when you took a break from therapy the first time around (for different reasons)? Maybe since the focus of the sessions has changed, you're needing new/different tools at this stage?
spitballing here... I can't really speak from any experience....
Is it possible that you've hit a wall with this process/method just like you did when you took a break from therapy the first time around (for different reasons)? Maybe since the focus of the sessions has changed, you're needing new/different tools at this stage?
spitballing here... I can't really speak from any experience....
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Originally Posted by SparkleKitty
Ha ha -- good point. I took it more as a boundary--she's not going to shuffle her other patients around or stay later than normal to accommodate MY demanding work schedule.
But again, I hear ya.
But again, I hear ya.
M a y b e this is your HP's way of cutting you back.
I spent quite a bit of time on myfitnesspal coming to grips with my own eating issues and got invaluable help by reading the forums there. I've had my weight stable now for over eight years.
There is a lot of online help in food forums (not the eating disordered ones, the healthy *mostly* normal people ones.)
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Originally Posted by biminiblue
There is a lot of online help in food forums (not the eating disordered ones, the healthy *mostly* normal people ones.)
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**cough, cough** Brene.... **cough, cough**
Just sayin'... her work was monumental in helping me break down my issues with binging/restricting, body shaming, dysmorphia (ouch - this component was HARD to recognize), my emotional relationship with food & long-term health-vs. image issues. I've struggled with this since I was at least 8 but finally feel like I'm on the winning side of it for the last 2-3.
Just sayin'... her work was monumental in helping me break down my issues with binging/restricting, body shaming, dysmorphia (ouch - this component was HARD to recognize), my emotional relationship with food & long-term health-vs. image issues. I've struggled with this since I was at least 8 but finally feel like I'm on the winning side of it for the last 2-3.
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Originally Posted by SparkleKitty
Wait...are you suggesting there are normal eaters out there?!?!?!
It was really uncomfortable to get there, but I'm there!
I think defining "normal" is a good place to start, though. That's why I said *mostly* normal. Grace and acceptance were two legs of the stool.
I still have one day per week where I go 1,000 calories over my goal - but I just enjoy it and get back on plan.
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Originally Posted by biminiblue
YES! I am one now!
It was really uncomfortable to get there, but I'm there!
I think defining "normal" is a good place to start, though. That's why I said *mostly* normal. Grace and acceptance were two legs of the stool.
I still have one day per week where I go 1,000 calories over my goal - but I just enjoy it and get back on plan.
It was really uncomfortable to get there, but I'm there!
I think defining "normal" is a good place to start, though. That's why I said *mostly* normal. Grace and acceptance were two legs of the stool.
I still have one day per week where I go 1,000 calories over my goal - but I just enjoy it and get back on plan.
I'm in a very different place with it than I was started this journey four years ago, to be sure!
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I found food tracking to be stressful and I felt it was obsessive at first too.
Then I realized I really couldn't keep my weight stable without knowing how much I was eating and seeing the numbers. I tried the intuitive thing, but that was hard too, because it's easy to say, "Well, I have no idea where I am this week, so I'll have this ice cream," and then let that become a week of that self-talk and then spend a week under-eating to make up for it, and round and round we go.
I found I would binge/restrict in a never-ending cycle when I wasn't tracking. Because I didn't know and I was trying to control it without the numbers. I had to take emotion out of my food choices.
It now takes me less than five minutes a day to log food and I know exactly where I am. I weigh myself every day.
The fear of uncertainty was worse for me than the methodical records. I have detailed records going back many years, and can easily stay on task. It's just another daily maintenance chore like flossing, but it took time to work out that I was coming at it with anxiety and fear.
Then I realized I really couldn't keep my weight stable without knowing how much I was eating and seeing the numbers. I tried the intuitive thing, but that was hard too, because it's easy to say, "Well, I have no idea where I am this week, so I'll have this ice cream," and then let that become a week of that self-talk and then spend a week under-eating to make up for it, and round and round we go.
I found I would binge/restrict in a never-ending cycle when I wasn't tracking. Because I didn't know and I was trying to control it without the numbers. I had to take emotion out of my food choices.
It now takes me less than five minutes a day to log food and I know exactly where I am. I weigh myself every day.
The fear of uncertainty was worse for me than the methodical records. I have detailed records going back many years, and can easily stay on task. It's just another daily maintenance chore like flossing, but it took time to work out that I was coming at it with anxiety and fear.
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i am pretty sure we have all seen/met/heard/read individuals who have taken therapy to an unhealthy level, to the point where they can no longer speak in everyday, chatting with the grocery checker language, but instead spew forth thera-speak.
i think it's perfectly ok to take a time out from therapy/counseling....it's not like it's a RULE or anything. how is one ever going to know if all the practice is working unless they actually get in the game now and then??
i think it's perfectly ok to take a time out from therapy/counseling....it's not like it's a RULE or anything. how is one ever going to know if all the practice is working unless they actually get in the game now and then??
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Therapy HAS changed for me over the years. I typically go every other week right now. I started in 2000 and have regularly attended some kind of therapy since that time.
Talking about it when these kind of feelings happen for me helps me to clarify my motivation (in my case a focus on cost savings would be a pink flag for me), but that it is often about healing, health and learning to live my life on my life terms.
Truthfully though it has also helped me solidify my relationship with my therapist. She has enthusiastically supported it when it is about health for me, and helped to caution me if she is seeing concerns. I have not seen her the whole time, but have seen a similar pattern in all of my support.
I believe therapy is to help us live our life....and sometimes we need a break from the work for a chance of deepening our recovery or to just have fun.
I trust that YOU will know what is right for you. So what if you make the wrong choice.....it is always something you can go back and "redo." That might be what you need to learn from this!
Talking about it when these kind of feelings happen for me helps me to clarify my motivation (in my case a focus on cost savings would be a pink flag for me), but that it is often about healing, health and learning to live my life on my life terms.
Truthfully though it has also helped me solidify my relationship with my therapist. She has enthusiastically supported it when it is about health for me, and helped to caution me if she is seeing concerns. I have not seen her the whole time, but have seen a similar pattern in all of my support.
I believe therapy is to help us live our life....and sometimes we need a break from the work for a chance of deepening our recovery or to just have fun.
I trust that YOU will know what is right for you. So what if you make the wrong choice.....it is always something you can go back and "redo." That might be what you need to learn from this!
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I had forgotten this quote, but am listening to the audiobook/lecture "Why People Don't Heal & How They Can" by Caroline Myss for the 2nd time & this popped right out at me after having read this thread yesterday:
"Therapy is like a boat to cross a river; we just have to remember to get off on the other side."
I like this analogy - that it is intended to be a "boat" that carries you through turbulence to safer places.
That kind of resonates for me except that in my personal experience of recovery, it's more like I keep getting back in the boat & travelling new pathways through new waters to new places. More of a continual growth process for me as a person encompassing a lot of different methods (therapies). I long-ago abandoned my "qualifying" reasons for needing a recovery & started to simply focus on being a Whole Person.
Being In-Between therapy boats is not such a bad way to think about it, lol!
"Therapy is like a boat to cross a river; we just have to remember to get off on the other side."
I like this analogy - that it is intended to be a "boat" that carries you through turbulence to safer places.
That kind of resonates for me except that in my personal experience of recovery, it's more like I keep getting back in the boat & travelling new pathways through new waters to new places. More of a continual growth process for me as a person encompassing a lot of different methods (therapies). I long-ago abandoned my "qualifying" reasons for needing a recovery & started to simply focus on being a Whole Person.
Being In-Between therapy boats is not such a bad way to think about it, lol!
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