AW - A Special Snowflake
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
COD,
I hope you have good family and friends you can reach out to for a little help if you need it after surgery.
Something to keep in mind with filing....if she does ditch her job before you file, you might get screwed in more ways than one with regards to maintenance and child support. Might talk to your attorney about that 'what if.'
Hang in there - keep fighting the good fight and take care of yourself!
I hope you have good family and friends you can reach out to for a little help if you need it after surgery.
Something to keep in mind with filing....if she does ditch her job before you file, you might get screwed in more ways than one with regards to maintenance and child support. Might talk to your attorney about that 'what if.'
Hang in there - keep fighting the good fight and take care of yourself!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Central O-H-I-O
Posts: 1,689
Originally Posted by firebolt 
COD,
I hope you have good family and friends you can reach out to for a little help if you need it after surgery.
Something to keep in mind with filing....if she does ditch her job before you file, you might get screwed in more ways than one with regards to maintenance and child support. Might talk to your attorney about that 'what if.'
Hang in there - keep fighting the good fight and take care of yourself!
I hope you have good family and friends you can reach out to for a little help if you need it after surgery.
Something to keep in mind with filing....if she does ditch her job before you file, you might get screwed in more ways than one with regards to maintenance and child support. Might talk to your attorney about that 'what if.'
Hang in there - keep fighting the good fight and take care of yourself!
Many have said "Take care of yourself" - that's hard for me to do. Ya know, martyr and all!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Originally Posted by CentralOhioDad
Many have said "Take care of yourself" - that's hard for me to do. Ya know, martyr and all!
Don't focus on doing hard things. Focus on believing that you deserve to take care of yourself, and that it is necessary to do so.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Originally Posted by SparkleKitty
We do hard things everyday--when we believe they are necessary. Some of them are so vital that most of us don't even consider them difficult anymore.
Don't focus on doing hard things. Focus on believing that you deserve to take care of yourself, and that it is necessary to do so.
Don't focus on doing hard things. Focus on believing that you deserve to take care of yourself, and that it is necessary to do so.
You also don't have to change everything all at once, overnight. Just focus on one small change that you can make that qualifies as self-care in your world & then keep doing it until it becomes habit.
You can keep adding to your self-care definition (It's different for each of us) & adding more into your routine, but the important part is starting... there will never be a "good" time for this or a "perfect" way to fit it into your life - just like so many other recovery-related needs.... just like there are no perfect set of circumstances for an addict to start recovery. Why not just start today?
Don't forget - you don't want to pass down that martyring ability to DS any more than you want AW to pass down her Codie habits, right? Ok.... jumping down now.....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Central O-H-I-O
Posts: 1,689
Originally Posted by Gm0824
We are giving you permission to make taking care of yourself your top priority, COD! You know what has a greater impact on recovery from health issues and surgery? Stress.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Can I chime in here?
AW, besides getting digs about how she does everything, will NOT want anyone she doesn’t know in the house.
Addicts don’t want anyone disturbing the status quo. It’s part of their condition
My addict sib chased off one housekeeper by being a meathead, and his default go to whenever I have scheduled repairs and workmen coming to the house is “we don’t need that.”
Since taking over my mother’s house affairs three years ago, I have replaced 3 exterior doors, two toilets, one range hood, two windows, a heating system, 2 porches, and 2 leaks fixed.
But we didn’t need any of those.
Anyway, that’s my two cents, fwiw.
AW, besides getting digs about how she does everything, will NOT want anyone she doesn’t know in the house.
Addicts don’t want anyone disturbing the status quo. It’s part of their condition
My addict sib chased off one housekeeper by being a meathead, and his default go to whenever I have scheduled repairs and workmen coming to the house is “we don’t need that.”
Since taking over my mother’s house affairs three years ago, I have replaced 3 exterior doors, two toilets, one range hood, two windows, a heating system, 2 porches, and 2 leaks fixed.
But we didn’t need any of those.
Anyway, that’s my two cents, fwiw.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I don't really rely on my XAH for child support or for him to pay anything. He has a good job now, but since I know the best predictor of the future is the past, he will have it for another year or two, then be unemployed for about two more.
I have worked really hard to advance myself at work so that I could be financially independent and not have to depend on my XAH paying for anything. If he pays, great. If not, it won't break me, thank God!
He does have one full time job that he has never lost, professional victim. Ha.
I have worked really hard to advance myself at work so that I could be financially independent and not have to depend on my XAH paying for anything. If he pays, great. If not, it won't break me, thank God!
He does have one full time job that he has never lost, professional victim. Ha.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
With her preaching her 'value' at home and at work. I wonder if she's starting to sense/gut feeling that things are about to implode on her? Almost seems,to me, like she's selling herself to you. She is/does "this,that and the other". I know when my 'defense' kicked in,when i sensed something was 'off', I'd circle the BS wagons and start selling myself to others. Just a thought.
Edit; And I knew that/what I was doing. Self(addict) preservation is crazy!
Edit; And I knew that/what I was doing. Self(addict) preservation is crazy!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Central O-H-I-O
Posts: 1,689
Originally Posted by DontRemember
With her preaching her 'value' at home and at work. I wonder if she's starting to sense/gut feeling that things are about to implode on her? Almost seems,to me, like she's selling herself to you. She is/does "this,that and the other". I know when my 'defense' kicked in,when i sensed something was 'off', I'd circle the BS wagons and start selling myself to others. Just a thought.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 199
Originally Posted by CentralOhioDad
She was supposed to get served a couple of weeks ago, and then her AM died, so I decided not to throw the divorce on top of grief. (Of which I caught some grief, but I'm okay with that.)
(**Please don't say, "Well, now I'm having surgery. I don't want to deal with this right now."**)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Originally Posted by CentralOhioDad
She's been doing this crap for years. Victim mentality
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