Still Need Support After Death
 

Hi Everyone,

I hope that it's still okay that I'm posting here. I've been searching and searching for a grief forum but I haven't found one yet that I think would understand me as much as you guys do.

It's been 3 months and I'm still in that fog. I've lost a lot of people and I never felt like this before. My protective anger and resentment that I held onto for years is starting to wane a bit. Now, I'm just sad. We received the final autopsy. That man was totally healthy. There was no damage to his liver, his kidneys or his heart. The sole reason he is not here is that stupid &*#!ing bottle. There is no way I can fool myself into believing that something more important killed him. I still can't wrap myself around that.

Some of you know me from here. You know that I knew that he had a disease. You know I knew that it would kill him if he continued. But, now that I have proof, I'm like....what? Was that it?? Really??

I miss you guys and just wanted to hear from you all again.

I'm really sorry for everything that you and the kids are going through. :(

Was the final determination alcohol poisoning? Just curious.

Yes, it was alcohol abuse/poisoning.

The blood alcohol level in his liver was .43 and in his blood, it was .27. I was told that it's normal during decomposition for the blood alcohol level to rise in the blood, but the blood that they tested from the liver says a lot. The autopsy was done 4 days after he passed.

I am sorry for what you are going through.
The father of my children died one month ago. I may never know if was due to his alcoholism (his girlfriend was listed next of kin and will probably never disclose the autopsy results to me). It was a brain hemorrhage. I thought maybe finding out that it was due to alcohol I would feel that people would finally see the proof of his drinking and not think I was so crazy for all of the boundaries I put in place.
But after reading your post, maybe I wouldn't...maybe I would just be angry. :(
Sorry I'm not much help. Thinking of you.

I'm sorry you're going through this, too. I thought the same thing. But, you're right. You'd be angry, I think. I am. But, that's cracking a bit and the nicer memories are starting to come through...that's harder for me to deal with.

Thanks for the nice thoughts.

Ugh...'the nicer memories..'. THOSE are hard and painful. :(

Sending you hugs. :grouphug:

I'm glad that you still look on SR as a place of support Becki - it really is :)

D

Hi, Becki. I didn't know you before - but I'm so glad you wanted to post.
My life was torn apart many years ago by alcohol. I understand your feelings of anger & resentment. I hope they will ease up so you can begin to feel hope again in your life. I'm so sorry for this painful time. I will send up prayers for you.

Been 2 yrs. for me and I am still a little foggy.....I just tell myself- he isn't suffering.....anymore.

Hi Becki! I'm sorry I missed this last night. I hate addiction....hate it so much!! Sometimes I think that even when we realize that death is a possibility...it is still unexpected and shockingly painful :hug:

Please come here and talk to us as much as you would like. We are here to support you!

I am so sorry for your loss and pain, Becki. :hug: