Ladybird579

So my long term friendship with the farmer came to a massive head this week when he came back from a dangerous part of the world he had been for nearly a month. So he arrives..all 6 ft 4 of him and twinkly eyes. Swoon. We were really pleased to see each other and it hit me very hard I have deep feelings for this man and probably have a very long time. He mostly only talked to me, was flirty and chatty and revealed stuff that showed his vulnerable side. He sat with me. We had a good time. I made the most of it cos the farm is gearing up to busy time and I won't see him again for 2 weeks. It's also thick snow so the possibility of travel is slim.

I felt like her out of Grey's Anatomy saying "Choose me. Love me." Of course I never. I bolted for the nearest door, having been sat jammed up against him for 2 hours during my son commissioning, as soon as it was not rude to do so. Actually it was rude and I texted to apologise but anyway....

Years ago. Pre alcoholic and what seem a different life I'd have known what to do. Now I have absolutely no idea. I have had to book myself a session with a relationship counsellor who knows us both well to see if this is going anywhere or if I need to back off pronto before I get anymore enmeshed. I feel like a teenager. It's not nice. I swore to myself I'd never fall in love again. I feel stupid cos he told me his ex wife hated farm life and never even cooked dinner when he was out in the fields all day even tho she never worked herself. What came out my mouth? "If I was your wife I'd always make sure you had a cooked dinner." WT actual. Shoot me now. Am a mess.

Hawkeye13

I think that was the exact right thing to say, especially if you meant it LB.

You deserve love, and if anything, the suffering you've endured will make you
a wonderful, mindful partner.

Keep the door open. Maybe do a bit of baking.
How are your Cornish pasties?
Those reheat well when someone comes in from a long day in the fields.

Just sayin'

Ladybird579

Yeah I did mean it. Thank you. He's a lovely person who deserves to be treated well too. Good idea on the pasties. Am a mean baker Taught by grandmother.

dandylion

Ladybird...everyone feels like a teenager when cupid's arrow strikes......

Ladybird579

Well that's good to know Dandy. I thought I was losing it for a while.

biminiblue

I think this is very sweet. Love is one day at a time, just like recovery, ya know?

Sounds lovely. But yeah, scary! But lovely!





(p.s., that's me - not you in the little emoticon)