LgXXIII

My little brother passed away 4 weeks ago. He was struggling with alcoholism for many years. He was diagnosed with pancreatitis 2 years ago and was in the hospital for a week. He had a seizure in October after trying to stop by himself and was hospitalized again. My anger and frustration towards him had built up so much, he would never admit to drinking and said he didn’t need help every time I would plead with him to talk to me or someone. The Saturday before he died I had one last talk with him because I could see he began to feel upset by my sister and I pulling away from him. I told him I would be there for him everyday if he wanted to get help. For the first time the day before he died he told my parents he wanted to get help and would checkin to a rehab. On Monday afternoon while he was getting ready for work he collapsed in the bathroom. My mom was on her way home to have him call the hospital he would be checking into when she found him. We are struggling to understand why, what more could we have done, and how? Any help or support would be so greatly appreciated. I just want to understand more about what he was going through. Thank you

RollTide

LgXXIII,

I am so sorry for your loss. You are going through what many of us have feared.

I think we all struggle with understanding alcoholism.

I pray for strength for you and your family during this difficult time.

DontRemember

Wow...thanks for sharing that here. As for what he was going through..that's hard to say. I think we all start drinking/drugging/whatever for different reasons, get caught up with it and it starts to consume us. Just know that there's nothing anyone can do to get an addict sober,except for the want/willingness of the addict themselves. Also..try and take solace that by posting your brothers tragic story here that you may well have saved some lost souls trying to find their way out of the madness of addiction.

Sleepyhollo

I'm so sorry for your loss. Unfortunately addiction can lead to death if people don't get help. And for some people that can happen at an early age. As hard as it is to accept, there is nothing you or anyone could've done for him to prevent this from happening. The only thing you could have done you did, tell him you would be there for him when he decided to get help. It sounds like he was very sick and wreaked havoc to his body enough that once he was ready to seek help it unfortunately came too late. Addiction is an ugly disease and family and friends want to help so badly but feel helpless because there is nothing anyone can do to make an addict stop unless they are ready to. I would suggest you and your family check out Alanon and read the threads here. It won't bring your brother back but it may help you come to terms with the why of his death and also understand that no one is to blame for not being able to help him beat this. I imagine you probably feel guilt over not being able to prevent this and think about the could've/would've /should've (I know I felt that way without my A dying). Getting help and learning about addiction will hopefully relieve you of these feelings. A good documentary on addiction and specifically alcoholism is pleasure unwoven.
I'm very sorry you and your family are going through this and I wish you and your family strength during this time

Maudcat

I am very sorry for your loss, Lg.

PeacefulWater12

Very sorry for your loss.

SoberLeigh

I am so very, very, very sorry for your loss, Lg.

Prayers for you and your family.

LovePeaceSushi

I'm so sorry for the loss of your brother. ((hugs))

I think there is peace at least in knowing that your brother had a heart that was willing to change. I'm sorry he didn't get the chance to go to rehab and reclaim his life. We're all here to support. Keep coming back. There's lots of good information here.

VikingGF

So sorry for your loss, LgXXIII.

Seren

Hello LgXXIII,

I am so sorry to hear about your brother. What a tragic loss at such a young age! You and your whole family have my deepest sympathies. I really hate addiction so much!

Mummyto2

My little cousin who was adopted by my parents and brought up with us passed at 26 he was an alcoholic and he started to cook some food whilst drunk and there was a gas blast, I know exactly how hard it is, I am very sorry for your loss, there is nothing more you or your family could of done, as an alcoholic myself until we are ready to seek help no one can make us

Bernadette

LgXXIII,
((((((((hugs))))))))
So very sorry you lost your little brother. My little bro is in the throes of alcoholism for decades now; you are living my nightmare and facing the very worst of what addiction does to individuals and families. My heart goes out to you and your family.

There was nothing else you could have done. He had his own destiny, a concept I have had to force myself to confront when thinking about my A brothers. Alcoholism is a terrible and powerful foe and if there was any way a family member could slay it then by God it would have been extinguished long ago. So sorry that your brother was in that trap, its just horrible.

Peace,
B.

FeelingGreat

Lg I'm sorry for yours and your family's loss. I'm sure you're all running scripts in your head about what you could/should have done. The hard truths is that the only action that might have saved him would have had to come from him.
Your phone call to him re being there if he wanted to seek help was sensible, supportive and constructive, and he took you up on it but it wasn't to be.

Dee74

I'm so sorry for your loss LgXXIII.

I'm an alcoholic. Sometimes we get buried so deep in our addiction we don't even notice how dangerous things are getting.

I'm sure you and your family did everything you could, This is not your fault.

D

funal1

Remember that recovery is not is your power. That power comes from the alcoholic and their higher power. Nothing you could have said or done makes a difference until the alcoholic is able to make their own decision. Rehab may or may not have worked, but at least you know he wanted to make the effort. Try to remember the good times. No one wants to be an alcoholic. He will rest in peace if you think of him not in the throes of this disease but in happier times. Prayers for you and your family. He is at peace now.

Wamama48

Nothing I can say will help heal your shattered heart and life. But I am thinking of you and hugging you in my heart. You said you and your family are wondering what else you could have done to help your brother, or what you could have done differently. Someone on SR said this in response to another person who was in agony, wondering if they could have just done something else to get him (her husband) to see he needed to stop drinking. It makes a lot of sense, and I hope it can give you some peace......If you had the power to help him achieve sobriety, he would be sober and happy now...... None of us do, the power isn't in US, its in them. Your brother did find the power, and its beyond unfair that he died before he got to start recovery. Hugs to you.

HardLessons

LG

Very sorry for the loss of your brother.

I wish you & your family peace.

Elle1974

I am so sorry that you lost your little brother.

The father of my children died last month suddenly. Also found in the bathroom, at work. I will never truly know or understand where he was at prior to his death. The last face to face conversation I had with him (a month before he died) he was very drunk and clearly not getting help.

Again...I am so sorry for your loss.

Ann

LG, my heart hurts for you and I am sorry for your loss.

Elle, also for you, how sad to lose somebody like that.

Special prayers for all who have lost loved ones to the horrible disease of alcoholism and addiction.

velma929

So sorry for your loss.

For those of you interested in a web sites for grief and grieving, PM me.