Alternative to H.A.L.T
 

So, although we haven't brought this up in some time, many of us know about HALT and not to make decisions when HALT is in place. H.A.L.T = Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired.

I propose a corollary to this, namely: S.H.*.T -which stands for: Sick, Hungry, Irritable, and Tired. I feel like SH*T more often than not, so for me this is more apropos. I rarely ever feel lonely - I'm an introvert and with what seems like constant chaos around, being alone sounds like heaven.

So, anyone else feel like SH*T too? This is part tongue-in-cheek, and part cold, hard truth. :scared:

Yes, COD, yes.

Here is where I get stuck, too: as a fellow introvert (hi) and partner of an addict, it seems I am ALWAYS now in SH*T mode, and therefore cannot make decisions.

I can address hunger. But fatigue? Irritability? The moment I'm.not tired I need to "make up" for the time I lost while tired. And in that place, making sound life decisions seems less important than getting to work, paying bills, fixing dinner, etc.

Of course, I try my best to not be full of SH*T........

Hi COD....

Sharon here. :) As an SR member living a
recovery for for the past 27 yrs. i can honestly
share that life is not always a pink cloud, rosy,
a piece of cake.

Ive gone thru many growing pains and
continue to grow slowly hopefully in the
right direction. :) At least to my best sober
ability.

Just recently i was under the weather with
a cold I'm guessing. Don't think it was the flu
because i didn't have all the symptoms that
come with it.

Anyway....2 weeks later and i am feeling positive
that it is over. However, a few days or so ago, i
was feeling like that cr@p was never gonna go
away. The feverish feeling was dragging me down
and an aggravating cough each time i spoke.

Anyway.....yes, things do pass and life goes
on. :)

When we are physically, mentally, spiritually,
emotionally sick, the out looks on life seem
dark, gloomy, like the life has been sucked out
of us. :(

With so much information available to us,
we never have to stay stuck in the gloom
and doom of life or sh!t. You know what
I mean?

Continue to take care of yourself in all
areas of your life, especially your health
and stay true and honest to yourself and
the rest will eventually fall into place. :)

Hahaha! COD - I definitely had I.T. - Irritable and Tired. It would wash over me like a wave just walking into the house if xah was home - knowing what awaited for me. Now, as a fellow introvert, my home is my safe haven!

COD.....now, you have gotten me curious----is your wife, also, and introvert?

Something that I have noticed....I am amazed at the number of people on the forum who self identify as introverts.......

No, I would not call her that. She said she was in her much-younger days, but I wouldn't say that now. She doesn't have many friends at all, I think she drives many people away. She does have an arrogance about her though, that's quite evident. And she's highly intelligent.

She does have poor self-esteem, which is prevalent in A's. Probably comes from growing up an ACoA.

I was lots more social maybe just a decade ago, still shy and introverted, but not as bad as now. I've become a shell of who I was.

I had modified this a long time ago to HALTS for that reason.... but your version is a lot more fun & creative. :lmao
:scoregood

We learn that many are affected by
addiction of drugs and alcohol and
many have to get theraphy and recovery
to become healthy again and move
forward.

You don't have to be a shell of the person
you once were. With some help from those
knowledgeable with helping those affected
by addiction, you can become healthy again.

You do deserve to be happy and healthy in
life and most of all, for yourself and children,
so take the opportunity and get the gift of
your life back. :)

COD that really made me sad when you said you are only a shell of your former self. Really sad.

Are you still with AW? Do you mind if I ask why?

Yeah... I have the HALTing SH*Ts often. I self-identify as an introvert. I am a myers briggs INFP (the mediator personality type). Groups and crowds wear me out very quickly. I don't just mean they are difficult emotionally, I mean that I feel physically drained by too much social interaction. That said, if I don't socialize at least once a week, I feel a bit lonely. So I'm not a hermit. I think I define introversion by how much energy it takes to socialize.

COD. I know what it feels like to be a shell of your former self. I feel like this too. I am no longer with my AH and I am slowly trying to fill this shell with stuff so I can be me again.

Hi COD- glad to hear from you. You made me cackle out loud with this new acronym!!!

While I do ask myself HALT every morning, as one of my recovery to-dos, I would definitely be one to add that IRRITABLE part....and generally, it is irrational irritability at its finest! My life is actually pretty darn pink (I'll spare anyone who might get annoyed just hearing the details, ha)....so I have (pretty much) learned to either reign myself in- or put myself in time out til I am rational!

I have learned a lot about my personality too - I now see how I have had moderate to severe anxiety since I was a child, and if you've heard the term "ambivert" it is a better descriptor of me than the (ultimate) extrovert I and everyone else would have given me. An ambivert is someone who has an incredibly outgoing side (sometimes a "face") that requires a lot of re-charging between acts, if you will. I genuinely enjoy people and can talk to anyone, but I have realized how much I value down/alone/at home time and really see that need to re=up in how I live my recovery.

Thanks for the life - best weekends to all!

Sailor, anytime you want to find more posts or threads by a particular member, just click on the member's name on the left side of the page. You'll get a drop-down list, and you can choose "find more posts from member X" or "find all threads started by member X." It's a great way to see where people started from and the struggles they went through along the way as well as reading their current posts. I agree that it can be very helpful to have the backstory in understanding where someone is now and why.

Dandylion-

I read some reasonable research once that said introverts often use forums like this one for connection because it better matches their needs without the overwhelming stimulation. I honestly think I read this is in the book Quiet by Susan McCain (which is a lovely book).

I fall about halfway on this one introvert/extrovert scale. Though my Meyer's Briggs ALWAYS shows SFJ as my letters I get E/I as my first letter at different times in my life. Luckily I have a great, very E job but a quiet lovely home in which I am often alone, but rarely lonely.

COD I love the new acronym!

In a nutshell: yes, I am still with her, divorce papers were filed and her mother just died recently, so I put a stop on the service.

I am an "ISTJ" - to the max! Once the divorce is final, I hope to get back to who I was and enjoy life again without having to worry on a daily basis not when someone is going to drink too much and pass out somewhere. I know I'm in there somewhere, but the ol' COD has been buried for a long time.

I'm just gonna share a little bit of my
experience with ya so that maybe some
little tid bit may be of help.

I was the one in recovery in our 25 yr
marriage. All others, spouse and kids,
normal, no addiction.

With a number of yrs sober and incorporating
my program of recovery taught to me from
day 1, i use it to help me move forward in helping
me return to my hometown of Baton Rouge
after living in Houston for 10 yrs.

As a stay at home mom for a number of
yrs, i slowly began to work small odd jobs
to get out of the house after the kids were
in high school and college.

Mostly financially dependent on my husband
for our entire marriage, i, for a long time wondered
how i could leave the marriage, what kind of job
i could get at my age and so on.

Our marriage was just, really us existing
under one roof. And with me being the
alcoholic in recovery that I am, i was
totally restless, irritable and discontent
and longed to return back to Louisiana
where i never wanted to leave in the first
place.

For a good while i began to apply for
a banking teller position there in Houston,
going to interviews, drawing on my past
experience and people i knew back in the
day. I also put in applications in Baton
Rouge hoping someone would remember
me.

Sure enough, my prayers were answered
and i was granted an interview, which would
be my golden ticket back to B.R.. My husband
came with me for the interview and when
i was accepted. He helped me find an apartment
and get me moved before starting my new job.

Yes, we both knew that the marriage was
over, but, for me, initiating what i needed to
do, doing the footwork, i made it happen
or else, id still be living in an unhappy
marriage today and still dependent on
him for money.

It took about a yr before my husband was
served with papers and shortly afterwards
the divorce was finalized. Everything was
taken care of between both of our lawyers
with little to no communication between
us. In doing so, the emotions was kept out
of it making the divorce peaceful and amicable.

That was some yrs ago where as today,
we are both remarried, me 9 yrs happy,
honest, joyous and free with no communication
between my ex for a number of yrs.

Anyway.....that is my experience as i
hope you can do the footwork needed
in order to begin living a happy, healthy
life you wish to have down the road. :)

Thanks for your story. Right now I just feel in that "in-between" spot that FireSprite posted about around 6 weeks ago. I'm just trying to 'maintain' some sense of sanity and stability for DS. I do/don't want to get divorced, but I also know I need to move forward, and I've been stuck too long. I know that the longer I'm 'stuck', the longer and more difficult it will be to become 'unstuck'.

I'm also in a fair amount of discomfort now and will be having surgery (hopefully) in the next 4-6 weeks. And then a recovery period.

The thought of trying to start something new and to make significant changes right now seems too much for me. It's all I can do most days to put one foot in front of the other and go to work, and take care of DS.

And today I've got the S.H.*.T.S, because I'm feeling sad too.

The HALTING $H!tS!! :roflmao

THanks for the chuckle - especially regarding some misery we all know too well.

Hang in there COD. I hope the next few months pass quickly for you, that surgery is minor, and that you feel better soon.

"This is temporary."

Keeping that in the back of my head helped me through some rough 'stuff.' And it was true. :grouphug:

COD....I am wondering if you are planning to serve the papers after your recuperative period?