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Old 02-23-2018, 05:44 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Breeze52 View Post
It is that feeling of living in limbo, that's driving me up the wall. Trying to explain to him what he's causing is head banging. I've gotten to the point where I don't care if he drinks or not I just can't bare to be around him and the lies all the time. I want normal back again it's bee so long I've forgotten what that's like. But he lived in this giant bubble of denial that everything's okay.
Simple. Does he want to stay with you? If so he must choose to stop drinking because of the rages. Not even one. He must go to some kind of program to get help, but he must make the conscious choice to stop all drinking. And you must create a very strong boundary, communicate that to him and uphold it regardless of the fallout.

I'd get my ducks lined up in case this doesn't work out.
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Old 02-26-2018, 04:26 AM
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Thanks for all the replies, sorry its taken me so long to get back, I can't always get the time to get online. I'm scared to ask him to leave, as he has become very violent in the past and I'm frightened of him. I never know if he's going to kick off. So afters lots of thought. I'm going to leave the house and then get the police to evict him. I feel this is the safest way for me to do this and for my children. I don't need them or want them to witness anymore chaos. So I'm going to leave for a few days. I have to wait though as I have dogs and would never leave them in the house in that situation either as they would be the first things he would hurt while I wasn't here. I know how he's going to react. All I have to do is save a few pennies to put them into kennels for a week and I can be free. I feel better but still scared that I have a plan.
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Old 02-26-2018, 04:37 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Simple. Does he want to stay with you? If so he must choose to stop drinking because of the rages.

This man is abusive and it has nothing to do with his drinking. This is not a case of if HE wants to stay. OP wants him to leave. Most alcoholics are not abusive.
Breeze I would do as Dandy suggested and call the dv hotline. They will know ways to get him out so you don't have to leave.
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Old 02-26-2018, 04:48 AM
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Originally Posted by Ladybird579 View Post
Simple. Does he want to stay with you? If so he must choose to stop drinking because of the rages.

This man is abusive and it has nothing to do with his drinking. This is not a case of if HE wants to stay. OP wants him to leave. Most alcoholics are not abusive.
Breeze I would do as Dandy suggested and call the dv hotline. They will know ways to get him out so you don't have to leave.
I agree it has nothing to do with the drink he is just plain abusive, it's just highlighted more when he's been drinking. Some of the things he's done when drunk turns my stomach. I'm in the UK but will google numbers and get onto someone this week.
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Old 02-26-2018, 04:49 AM
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Breeze.....I hope that you have gotten some sources of support lined up....
The DV people can, sometimes, help you with the temporary placement of animals.
Do you know about the legal work that needs to be filled out for the eviction of him? (If you are in the US...the police won't kick someone o ut of their own home, just because it is requested....and, if he has been living there...it is considered his "home".....).....The DV people can help you get the pro per legal advice, if you heed it....
They can also guide you in getting a protective order...

Just to let you know that there is lots of help available, should you need it...
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Old 02-26-2018, 04:53 AM
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Please contact DV as suggested--they know the safe, legal way to get a violent person removed.
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Old 02-26-2018, 06:41 AM
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I'm going to find all this out, it's not always easy when someone is breathing down your neck 24/7. It's hard to get privacy. As far as I'm aware he has no rights to be here, I also think it would be in my best interests to seek legal advice regarding our daughter and what his rights are there.
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Old 02-26-2018, 06:59 AM
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Breeze...of course, it is not easy when you can't get any free space of privacy. Believe me, there is no one here, who think that it is!
I now see that you are in the UK...so, I don't know about your laws, over there...I am in Virginia...near Washington D.C.
You are absolutely right that, you need to have solid legal advice. The more you know...the more confident you will be....a nd the more in control you will feel...
It is an important sign that you have a plan and are going to get good advice...
I am so happy that you are protecting your dogs....I am a big animal lover....

I can remember my grandmother's constant words to me---"Where there is a will--there is a way"...
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Old 02-26-2018, 07:04 AM
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Originally Posted by dandylion View Post
Breeze...of course, it is not easy when you can't get any free space of privacy. Believe me, there is no one here, who think that it is!
I now see that you are in the UK...so, I don't know about your laws, over there...I am in Virginia...near Washington D.C.
You are absolutely right that, you need to have solid legal advice. The more you know...the more confident you will be....a nd the more in control you will feel...
It is an important sign that you have a plan and are going to get good advice...
I am so happy that you are protecting your dogs....I am a big animal lover....

I can remember my grandmother's constant words to me---"Where there is a will--there is a way"...
I have hope and lots of it. I can see our lives without him and how it use to be before he lived with us. I'm so worried about my dogs as I have a whole pack and know they would be the first ones to get his rage. Many times I have had to get in between so they don't get hurt, he would do that to spite me. He's a very spiteful man.
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Old 02-26-2018, 07:35 AM
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Breeze....my heart goes out to you. You sound l ike a good person....with lots of compassion....
One thing that I have observed about the British....you all love your dogs and cats!! Reach out to everyone that you can....
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Old 02-26-2018, 11:23 AM
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I am in UK too and there are people you can phone. 0808 2000 247 is the UK DV hotline and they have a website too. http://www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk On it it says if you are in immediate danger to phone 999. Please do not be scared to do that. The dv people can give you help on getting him out your home and keeping you and your kids safe while doing so. Also I would suggest getting a consultation with a solicitor who specialises in DV and seeing them asap to get the legal ball rolling on keeping him out your home and away from you.
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Old 02-28-2018, 06:23 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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Thanks will keep you all updated
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Old 02-28-2018, 06:38 AM
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I am new here too, so not much more advices. But I wanted to send you hugs and strength to your way...
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