How Individual Boundaries mix with House Rules
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Originally Posted by Ladybird579 
I kind of feel you are stuck in the middle here. I agree with op that you can't interfere in your husband's relationship with his mother but that doesn't mean you have to agree with it either.
My dd has not allowed me to see my grandson and I went through every possible reason why. I really screwed myself up over it and cried buckets over his loss but it has come to light now he is over a year old she regrets her decision made in the heat of the moment when she was actually angry with exah and couldn't get at him. Her siblings say this little boy has no extended family at all cos she can't bring herself to admit I would be a good thing in his life cos of her issues with her dad and my dad, his great granddad has no interest in him, as he never us as kids either lol . I think it would be a real shame if MIL can't see your son and take an active part in his life but I'd hold off bringing her in until her and your husband have made some inroads into sorting out what lies between them and you can meet openly.
My dd has not allowed me to see my grandson and I went through every possible reason why. I really screwed myself up over it and cried buckets over his loss but it has come to light now he is over a year old she regrets her decision made in the heat of the moment when she was actually angry with exah and couldn't get at him. Her siblings say this little boy has no extended family at all cos she can't bring herself to admit I would be a good thing in his life cos of her issues with her dad and my dad, his great granddad has no interest in him, as he never us as kids either lol . I think it would be a real shame if MIL can't see your son and take an active part in his life but I'd hold off bringing her in until her and your husband have made some inroads into sorting out what lies between them and you can meet openly.
What your wrote, in regards to my own MIL thats what tears at my heart. I was wondering if you DD is married or if you have any access through your grandchilds father?
I think if we were divorced, then I would be correct in making decisions about access based on my singular relationship with MIL. I really feel like I would do my best to try to give my son those extended family relationships. I do have hope things will improve as time passes with our situation. I believe one important indicator is that I dont think my husband is trying to be spiteful. He's a good man. But still dealing with a lot of conflict and pain on the inside.
Cyber Hugs to you !!
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Join Date: Mar 2016
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I was wondering if you DD is married or if you have any access through your grandchilds father?
Yes she is married and her husband did not agree with her stance but has accepted it. No one in the family agrees with her...not even my children who don't speak to me. The all had a family meeting and agreed I was a really good mum to them despite everything and would be a brilliant grandmother but my daughter is very proud and won't back down at the moment.
I can tell your husband is conflicted and is trying to work through things to a good outcome. I feel hopeful that your situation will resolve given time cos he is trying to work through it. In my case my daughter is as stubborn as me lol
Thanks for the hugs...right back at you xx
Yes she is married and her husband did not agree with her stance but has accepted it. No one in the family agrees with her...not even my children who don't speak to me. The all had a family meeting and agreed I was a really good mum to them despite everything and would be a brilliant grandmother but my daughter is very proud and won't back down at the moment.
I can tell your husband is conflicted and is trying to work through things to a good outcome. I feel hopeful that your situation will resolve given time cos he is trying to work through it. In my case my daughter is as stubborn as me lol
Thanks for the hugs...right back at you xx
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Originally Posted by aliciagr
Mostly it always ends the same when there is contact between them. and I think he is to the point where he realizes nothing will change unless they both make changes. There is no way I feel like saying well she is your mom so you just need to minimize your feelings again and let the cycle continue.
It sounds a lot like what you feel with your abuser. Did you have trouble allowing yourself to validate your own emotions ? Do you think that was the first step for healing?
It sounds a lot like what you feel with your abuser. Did you have trouble allowing yourself to validate your own emotions ? Do you think that was the first step for healing?
For me, the wheels started coming off in college, when I no longer had to worry about the abuse. I was no longer in survival mode, so my defense mechanisms weakened and the nervous breakdown began.
When I gave the abuse a name, when I started telling people what happened, it was very painful. I sometimes wondered if I was making it all up in my head, so when my sister told me that I was making too big a deal out of things it was especially hurtful. Now in hindsight, now that I know about her sexual assault by a family member, it makes sense. It also makes me sad, because it was one of the first clues into her dysfunctional coping mechanisms, which was to pretend that nothing was happening at all.
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