Where’d my husband go :(

Old 02-13-2018, 09:13 PM
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Where’d my husband go :(

have been with my husband for 7 years, married for almost 4. When I first met him he struggled with opioid addiction but before we moved forward with a more serious relationship, he seeked help and overcame the addiction. We have spent the past 6 years happily as ever. We have endured a lot as a couple due to a lot of family issues etc and he did have a really tough upbringing. He has since made peace with his parents but I feel like it is still a underlying issue. For the past year and a half, he has been drinking. It started in early summer of 2016 after reconnecting with some family members and eventually led to a dui in November 2016. He has gradually started drinking more. Summer 2017 was the worst. He would drink up to a 12 pack of coors light and 2-3 nips of fireball whiskey. He owns a small lawn care company so his days are very flexible and he would often get done around 2pm. That’s when he would start drinking. 2pm till about 10pm and finish the coors and the fireball. Sometimes he even goes back out to the package store (after drinking) to get a 6 pack but doesn’t even usually drink it. He finally started a new job in November 2017 and it is a second shift. The drinking almost immediately stopped. He was happy with the job and I felt that it was a big help with him stopping the everyday drinking. Fast forward a month into the new job, he now began drinking on the days he had off. The usual 12 pack with fireball. Every single time. So now I have hardly seen him due to work schedule and now when he does have a day off, He’s drunk. He doesn’t think anything is wrong with it because it’s his “day off” When he is sober he is perfect, I love him to death and that is what’s getting in the way of me not knowing what to do. I really don’t know what to do. I feel like I am in a relationship with 2 different people. I do not want to give up but I do feel lost. I miss my husband.
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Old 02-14-2018, 01:37 AM
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Hello Seekinghelp,

It sounds like you have expressed your concerns to your husband, and he does not seem to have a problem with his own drinking--DUI and all. So, that means that it really is your problem--as in it is a problem for you that he is not present in the relationship because of the drinking.

You could try to talk to him in one of his sober moments again. But, if he doesn't think he has a problem, he won't think he needs to fix or change anything.

It seems as though you have some decisions to make for yourself. You deserve support! Many here have found Al-Anon to be helpful. Others just use SR for support. I hope you will keep coming here, asking questions, learning all you can about addiction and recovery--and what that looks like.

I hope today dawns just a bit better!
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Old 02-14-2018, 06:35 AM
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Seekinghelp......I am giving you the following link to our extensive library of excellent articles on alcoholism and the effects on the loved ones. there are a lot of them.....you can read one every single day...lol...
There is sooo much to learn...and Knowledge is power....

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)

In addition, I recommend the book "CO-Dependent No More"......it is often recommended, on this site....It is an easy read, and I think that a lot will resonate with you....

It is important, I think, to arm yourself with what you need to know about what you will be up against....

I see, in your other thread, that you have thought about attending alanon....I hope that you have folloed through on that....
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Old 02-23-2018, 01:07 PM
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I have purchased the book and began reading a few nights ago. A newcomers meeting in my town is Thursday at 7pm. I’m thinking of going..I want to go with a good friend of mine. She offered her support. Do you think that’s a good idea?
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Old 02-23-2018, 01:12 PM
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I do, seekinghelp.
Every source of support available should be investigated by you.
Maybe it wll help, maybe not.
The main thing is to know that you are not alone.
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Old 02-23-2018, 03:54 PM
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I think that is a good idea....like Maudcat said...any and all help is good....
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Old 02-23-2018, 08:53 PM
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Oh yeah, I’d go. With a friend is great. I went to my first aa meeting with a friend, don’t know if I would have gone through with it otherwise.
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