Mango blast

Different viewpoints....

I was not kicking someone.

I started learning how to walk away from traumatic situations. There came a point where I saw there was no past record of me "helping" the situation. My abusers saw myself and my son only as extensions of themselves. Not as people to be loved, valued and respected.



COD,

We here at Sober Recovery Friends and Family love, value and respect you.

None of what you're dealing with is easy.

One day at a time. That's how this gets us through. Together we send strength in good wishes, by prayers, by warm thoughts of some nugget of goodness in this day.

May you find some nuggets of goodness, right where you are!

AlwaysGrowing

OCD
You know the pulse of the situation and sounds like a well thought decision. Sometimes you do need to hit the pause button. Kids being caught in the middle really sucks for them..How do you raise a child when the other child isn't sober or rational.... Do the best you can and make sure your kids know they have a safe stern reliable parent.

AG

AnvilheadII

COD i think you are quite kind to not pile on to someone show just lost their mother. you are honoring her passing and giving your AW time and space to be as present to this loss as she is able. god bless you.

but my friend.....don't forget your own path awaits.

Wheelsup

I am sorry for your loss and also think (like others) that its a classy move to put things off.

Don't forget to take care of yourself and your son.

Wishing you the best.

wheelsup

FireSprite

How is everything going COD? No better/no worse? Has DS settled a bit now that the initial moment of news/shock has worn off a bit?

Are you getting frustrated at having made your decision only to be held up by circumstances beyond your control? (I realize you could choose to serve the papers anyway but I know *I* couldn't do that to someone the same week they lost a parent.)

Hang in there!

CentralOhioDad

Things are okay. I'm back in the office today, getting sicker by the day and in more pain due to another issue, wife is grieving, and son is sick. The dog, thank God, is healthy!! I think Dog has Codie tendencies too - if he thinks someone is hurting, or every time I sneeze - he has to run over and check on them!

DS never really had much reaction to MIL dying, it didn't seem to bother him at all. MIL was a very smothering, in-your-face type person who never really knew how to interact with DS. She tried, by golly she did, but they never really clicked. So, he's basically been sailing smoothly through this week, except for being sick.

I'm not really frustrated by the delay, I'm trying to take it as it comes, and let AW go thru her mourning process. Whenever it happens, it will be bad timing in her eyes, but I've been as accommodating and respectful as I can be.

aasharon90

Your wonderful doggie has unconditional
love of affection towards you, i'll bet.

atalose

I was with my ex for ruffle 13 years, maybe 4-6 of those he was clean/sober YET was still “mourning” losses in his life from years ago. I know no one ever truly gets over a great loss in their lives and the wounds remain. But in time the mind protecting it’s sanity covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. For my ex that did not happen but instead became justifiable reasons at any given time to continue his self-destructive ways.

Guess what I am trying to say is that for many alcoholics the mourning process never seems to end. And for us codies we can get lost in their plausible excuses.

AnvilheadII

i think our dogs look forward to us being sick cuz it's:

People Home Day with a pack assembly on the bed!

Babescake

I am sorry for your situation. No matter what happens, it sucks all around. Take care and good luck.

Behappy1

My 2 furry creatures LOVE a day at home in bed. One by my head, the other at my feet. Those snuggle times are the best. COD, I commend you for holding off on the inevitable. Be sure to keep your own journey clear. I am sorry you are going through this.

Refiner

I call my fur babies my “nurse maids” when I stay home sick :-) It’s a special time!

Babescake

What makes me sad is that my own feelings got in the way of COD and I apologize for that. I'm truly sorry for the loss you are going through. I'm incredibly regretful for going off of my emotions. Seeing you all with your fur babies is definitely touching. I have two and they are great. Lost my greatest in August and it sucked. However, that doesn't dissipate from this post.

COD, I know we don't have the greatest exchange, but I am truly sorry for what occurred. And I get your dilemma.

Sasha1972

FWIW my ex's mother, also an alcoholic, died shortly before I left the marriage. Ex had a turbulent, hostile relationship with his mother, and her death kicked off a roller-coaster of emotions which he managed wisely through mindfulness, exercise and sharing with trusted friends - no, actually that didn't happen, he just stepped up the drinking as though all the brakes were off his addiction. He never really grieved and accepted she was dead, and so there was never a time when he wasn't acting out his loss in some form. Just my experience however, and your mileage may vary.

Kboys

So, sorry COD, to all involved.

Stay strong and stay the course!!

wehav2day

Sasha you had me there for a sec! Sorry that happened to you.

Cod, hope you are feeling better today. Physically and if possible, emotionally. Hug that ds of yours for us.

Seren

I am sorry for your loss, COD. It has been a long road for you, and there may be twists and turns before you reach the next "last homely house". Sending prayers for all.

CentralOhioDad

Thank you. On some meds for one of the maladies, will have to have surgery, probably next month, for the other issue.

The surgery thing isn't a big deal, but still, it's surgery - not what I needed right now. Told the doc, and will tell the surgeon, that it will need to be outpatient because DS can't be home at night alone with AW.

After being home with AW all week, DS is way off his game - he's emotionally off.

AW said "well, he's a people pleaser and a fixer, and that just shows how compassionate he is." I said, "No, that's not healthy." But of course, I'm wrong, because she is an ACoA and confuses 'compassionate' for being codie. And he's quickly becoming the same way.

That's why I need to get him out of this situation and get him to a child psychologist. I could kick myself right now for staying this long

SparkleKitty

COD, I am sorry for all of these challenges you are facing right now.

I didn't even start to get out of the codie mindset until I was roughly 35 years old, so starting your son at 8 still puts you waaaaaaay ahead of the game in my book, my friend.

I can't wait for the day when you can make a decision about your own health and wellbeing that doesn't revolve around her issues. Sending strength and patience.

Ladybird579

Guess what I am trying to say is that for many alcoholics the mourning process never seems to end.

Yes so true. My exah would "mourn" people he had hated, completely ignored or despised in life. His mourning consisted of drinking all day and listening to Queen at full volume for weeks and weeks. When his alcoholic mother died he had not seen her for 20 years which was his own choice but all of a sudden she was the greatest mother on the earth and out came the drink and on came Queen. I had 6 months of that daily but I held off filing. It was not a good situation for any of us tho.