Children Reading

Old 02-12-2018, 07:26 AM
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Children Reading

On another thread it was said that children read and to be careful what people were posting. Now call me slow but it never occurred to me children read these forums. Nothing I say I'd want my adult kids to read, never mind youngsters so I will have to be very careful how I post in future. If at all tbh.
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Old 02-12-2018, 07:29 AM
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My children would never be able to access what I have written. If they could, I could see the concern.
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Old 02-12-2018, 07:51 AM
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It would have never occurred to me that children would be reading this. Like someone said in the other thread, the children that might be reading this would probably be younger teens or older and if they are here they already are dealing with adult stuff. I think what was in the other thread was nothing compared to what children have access to ( and do access) on the internet and YouTube honestly. This is site with adult topics and I don't think there has been anything here that has really been inappropriate (since I have been on here) and unrelated to what this forum is about. These are issues we are dealing with and should be able to discuss. I think most of us feel like this site is intended for adults and not necessarily for kids despite the "family and friends of alcoholics" label. I don't think you can avoid having kids looking at this just like you can't avoid having them look at all the other stuff that is so much worse on the internet. But if they are here then they obviously are already dealing with very adult stuff. I am sure kids see much worse then what is discussed here.
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Old 02-12-2018, 07:52 AM
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This is listed as a Family Forum on a Recovery site. I know this made me assume it would be more family oriented when I first discovered it.
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Old 02-12-2018, 07:53 AM
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I should be clear in what I have written, the chances of my children finding what I have written and figuring out who I am is nill. I don't use SR from my home at all, so that does make a difference.
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Old 02-12-2018, 07:54 AM
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We DO try to be careful because children of all ages dealing with addiction in their homes often find their way to the forums here at SR; it's not so much about our children, in my understanding.

It's not JUST this forum that shows caution & our mods do their best to catch inappropriateness that they feel crosses the lines.

There's no reason to STOP posting, but definitely it's worth censoring certain topics & watching our 4-letter words. (I have to watch this a lot - I am nowhere near this censored in my daily life )
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Old 02-12-2018, 07:59 AM
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I can see where things on this forum would be inappropriate for small children, but I'm not sure a small child would stumble across this site on their own.

Teenagers troubled by someones drinking very well might find their way here. I think if they can ask the questions they deserve the answers. They are exposed to far worse these days than what we discuss here.

My children are 19 and 24 so them reading here would not bother me in the least.

It also would not bother me if they figured out who I am because nothing I have ever said here has been untrue. They know their father and other family members have problems. They know I was a problem when they were tweens/young teenagers and I was a raging codie. They know at times they themselves have behaved in hurtful ways. Nothing about our life that they read here would come as a shock to them.

All that being said, I have occasionally read some things on here about certain types of behaviors and abuses that have made ME uncomfortable so I definitely see where that could be problematic when it comes to younger readers.

I think the good that absolutely gets done here far out weighs the negatives that could happen.
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Old 02-12-2018, 11:28 AM
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as i understand it, it is more about the CONTENT of what is shared, particularly if it gets very ADULT and/or EXPLICIT. considering this IS a sober recovery site, there are going to be discussions and topics that would not be light reading for children, but to completely sanitize everything down to the K-6 level would not be feasible.

granted i am a repeat offender when it comes to cuss words, a rule i carelessly do not heed often. but i can certainly do better!!!!!
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Old 02-12-2018, 11:40 AM
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At CR, children are not allowed, they have age appropriate sessions to go to themselves. While that's not feasible on the internet, it would be nice if it were!
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Old 02-12-2018, 12:44 PM
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I think I got the wrong end of the stick. I wasn't worried my kids could see my post cos they are not on here but I thought other peoples little kids are members here. If kids find this site by accident then its up to their parents to keep them safe.
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Old 02-12-2018, 02:40 PM
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Has anyone thought of starting a kid/tween/teen thread? Granted, it is hard to police, etc., and I know the repercussions that can arise, but this makes me sad. No offense, but this forum is one of the worst they can read. It is families at their worst points and don't think alcoholics/addicts can make it. Other threads are far more positive and there ARE good stories.
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Old 02-12-2018, 03:59 PM
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"but this forum is one of the worst they can read. It is families at their worst points and don't think alcoholics/addicts can make it. Other threads are far more positive and there ARE good stories."

Your response begs the question, why are you here? Is someone forcing you
to read this forum? What on earth do you think you will accomplish or
who are you helping with your negative, hostile and aggressive posts?
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Old 02-12-2018, 04:12 PM
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Originally Posted by Babescake View Post
Has anyone thought of starting a kid/tween/teen thread? Granted, it is hard to police, etc., and I know the repercussions that can arise, but this makes me sad. No offense, but this forum is one of the worst they can read. It is families at their worst points and don't think alcoholics/addicts can make it. Other threads are far more positive and there ARE good stories.
Alternatively, had I read this forum when I was a teenager, it would have been the first and only honest glimpse I would have ever had into the dynamics of the very alcoholic/codependent relationship and family dynamic I was living in. Everyone else in my life was very preoccupied with pretending we were a happy, normal family.
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Old 02-12-2018, 05:07 PM
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This is a family-friendly website and that's why we have the word censor for profanity. And, we do get teens here seeking support sometimes.

This is our rule:

9. If it shouldn't be viewed by minors, then it shouldn’t be posted to the forums or chat rooms. This is a public, family-friendly forum. In addition, if something would not be considered “work safe” (to a boss or co-worker), then it shouldn’t be posted.
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Old 02-12-2018, 05:11 PM
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Originally Posted by SparkleKitty View Post
Alternatively, had I read this forum when I was a teenager, it would have been the first and only honest glimpse I would have ever had into the dynamics of the very alcoholic/codependent relationship and family dynamic I was living in. Everyone else in my life was very preoccupied with pretending we were a happy, normal family.
Figured I screwed this post up too.
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Old 02-12-2018, 10:32 PM
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As an FYI

- You lovely peeps don't get to see the inapropriate posts cuz us volunteers remove them.

- You also don't get to read the PM's, emails and such from kids and teens who are living in a horrid home. As in texting us from inside the closet while daddy beats up mommy just outside the closet door. Or that one time
Daddy waited to shoot Mommy dead right when the teen walked in the front door.

- SR is a highly sanitized, very nicey-nice web site that doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of how bad it really is out there in the real world. It has to be that way in order to develop trust for children, teens and spouses who are being abused right this moment. If they don't feel comfortable with SR, they are not going to feel any better about calling real life support from police, county, etc.

- and don't even get me started on folks who contact us in the middle of a suicide attempt.

Mike
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Old 02-12-2018, 10:43 PM
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Thank you, Mike.

Someone I love very much grew up in a meth home. Drugs, guns, abuse, yelling, violence stole her childhood. I met her when she was quite young... and yet so very much older and wiser than her years.

In her... I see beauty, hope and a very bright light...

May each of us... and each of these children... find a path that brings HEALING.
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Old 02-13-2018, 12:30 PM
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Originally Posted by Babescake View Post
No offense, but this forum is one of the worst they can read. It is families at their worst points and don't think alcoholics/addicts can make it. Other threads are far more positive and there ARE good stories.
No-one has the right to come in here and lecture us on how we ought to feel about the addicts in our lives or addicts in general, especially an alcoholic.

We are here to support others and generally I have found that most people on this side of the forum have VERY similar experiences and feelings. While there may be what you consider to be "good stories" in other parts of the forum our REALITY is different.

Many of us have been abused by the addicts in our lives verbally, emotionally, financially and sometimes physically. And if we haven't, then our loved ones' addictions have broken us and our families.

Would you consider it appropriate or helpful to march into a support group for abused women and tell them that what they think, feel and hope for is wrong and that they ought to be more supportive of the person who abused them and turned their lives upside down simply because it is possible for abusers to manage to change their ways?

Many of us have spent many wasted years, decades even, attempting to have our feelings, and needs heard by a drunk before we realized that it was pointless and we needed help. We are here to help each other with ESH. Therefore we don't find it helpful when an alcoholic comes in to tell us we are wrong and need to be more supportive of alcoholics.

On this side of the forum you'll often see many quote "The Al Anon 3 Cs": We didn't cause it. We can't control it. We can't cure it. We can only cure ourselves and that often happens when we stay on our own side of the street.
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Old 02-13-2018, 01:20 PM
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Great post LLLisa!
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Old 02-13-2018, 08:08 PM
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Babescake,
if you think this is such a bad forum why do you come here? It is meant for family and friends of alcoholics really. I know there are lots of recovering alcoholics that contribute to this particular forum and most of them have helpful input and acknowledge what they've put their families through. Maybe this isn't the place for you to be at this point and time unless you really want to learn about how it impacted your family and friends. You are fairly fresh into recovery and so you may not be quite understanding some of what we have gone through. Not a dig at you personally at all, I know my RAH after 3 months of rehab was just barely scratching the surface of that. Not even a week into him being home I told him I had my own stuff going on and he said (quite condescendingly i might add) "like what?" So I don't expect you to really get it yet, you have yourself to focus on at this point as you should be. But like Lisa pointed out you can't come in here and judge our feelings. And the truth of the matter is that most of our qualifiers have quit and relapsed several times in the past so until he or she has shown that they've changed and are staying clean for a good period of time, we are going to not be getting our hopes up by being super optimistic. We've been disappointed too many times in the past. It certainly doesn't become puppies and rainbows the minute the A has quit (even though many of us hoped it would be that way it is far from the truth for most).
I really wish you well in your recovery and I know you have a lot of stuff going on within your own family so I wish you the best with that. It sucks all around for everyone involved, that why this is such an ugly disease.
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