Are there happy endings /success stories of AH's recovering and staying sober?
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: Sherman Oaks, CA
Posts: 123
Important Response
Originally Posted by Eauchiche 
I believe there are many success stories, but we rarely hear about them on these pages.
This a great site to learn about the wreckage, the disease and lots of support to leave a harmful situation. I have leaned on it for that. However this thread about success stories is so important!
There are people who recover and go on to live happy lives, co-dependents and substance abusers alike, I have seen them, I have met them. It's wonderful and they go on to help others.
Personally I have never had that miracle but it's important to know it does exist.
Thanks,
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 219
I am fortunate as my wife and I both know 3 couples that have managed to make their marriages survive their addictions.... but we also know of many that did not. It takes work by both parties... I know I have struggled with overcoming my wife's addiction... but i am working on that.. while she works on her. Only time will tell if our marriage survives happily.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 394
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 394
Originally Posted by NYCDoglvr
In going to countless meetings over the years I heard AA says roughly 5% stay sober. A friend who works in a rehab says their figure is 10%.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 219
So the reality is that over 50% of marriages in the USA end in divorce... I am sure some of those are due to addiction... but another source I read (just a journal article, so take it for what it is worth) says that divorces amongst marriages with addicts are 4 times more likely. So the odds are not good anyway you look at it.
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
I think rebuilding trust when it’s been broken is not dependent on the person who has broken it or how many times they can prove they are honest. It depends on the person who has decided not to trust anymore.
Though you may be totally justified in your decision not to trust, as long as you choose not to, the relationship has no hope of survival. When you do decide to trust again, there is hope.
Though you may be totally justified in your decision not to trust, as long as you choose not to, the relationship has no hope of survival. When you do decide to trust again, there is hope.
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: Sherman Oaks, CA
Posts: 123
Good point
Originally Posted by atalose
I think rebuilding trust when it’s been broken is not dependent on the person who has broken it or how many times they can prove they are honest. It depends on the person who has decided not to trust anymore.
Though you may be totally justified in your decision not to trust, as long as you choose not to, the relationship has no hope of survival. When you do decide to trust again, there is hope.
Though you may be totally justified in your decision not to trust, as long as you choose not to, the relationship has no hope of survival. When you do decide to trust again, there is hope.
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 196
Originally Posted by aliciagr
This journey I have been on with my husband has led me in a lot of directions and I believe there are a lot of success stories - however - I think the majority of people want to go back to normal life and they just dont talk about it a lot. There is still a lot of shame associated with substance abuse issues, even if a person overcomes the problem.
It meant the world to me when an admin on a Divorced Mom Support Group told another mom to back off from me after that mom went after me for moving my kids to the inlaws (it was a painful decision--it was three years of my life commuting long distances on the weekends to see my kids, and I called them everyday to see how my kids were doing).
I love the show This is Us. It is like so raw about how they talk about addictions. I am really hoping either Justin Hartley or Milo Ventimiglia will be up next year for Emmys. I love the character of Rebecca (Mandy Moore's character) because she gives me hope and she is so real.
I am still healing though and still getting through it while dealing with other issues in my life
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 229
Originally Posted by atalose
I think rebuilding trust when it’s been broken is not dependent on the person who has broken it or how many times they can prove they are honest. It depends on the person who has decided not to trust anymore.
Though you may be totally justified in your decision not to trust, as long as you choose not to, the relationship has no hope of survival. When you do decide to trust again, there is hope.
Though you may be totally justified in your decision not to trust, as long as you choose not to, the relationship has no hope of survival. When you do decide to trust again, there is hope.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Central O-H-I-O
Posts: 1,689
Originally Posted by Givenup2018
It depends on both parties. One cannot trust if the trust is continually broken, promises are made and continually broken, old wounds are continually reopened. Yes the non-A must learn to trust again but it is sheer stupidity to open themselves up again if the A has made no progress and continues to do what they have always done.
Coupled with the fact that she continues to drink, and sees no issue with her drinking, that has led me to where I am today.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
This doesn't count all those that do recovery on their own, or outside AA walls. While I'm doing AA, I think their "statistics" are pretty heavy leaning.
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
One cannot trust if the trust is continually broken, promises are made and continually broken, old wounds are continually reopened.
Yes the non-A must learn to trust again but it is sheer stupidity to open themselves up again if the A has made no progress and continues to do what they have always done.
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 844
Originally Posted by PrettyViolets
This times 1000. I never knew who I could trust. First, it was because I was the wife of an alcoholic. Then I was the mom who moved her kids to the inlaws when they were young. Then I was the wife/mom who was getting a divorce. It just felt like it was something for other people to gossip about, and I was just like invisible.
It meant the world to me when an admin on a Divorced Mom Support Group told another mom to back off from me after that mom went after me for moving my kids to the inlaws (it was a painful decision--it was three years of my life commuting long distances on the weekends to see my kids, and I called them everyday to see how my kids were doing).
I love the show This is Us. It is like so raw about how they talk about addictions. I am really hoping either Justin Hartley or Milo Ventimiglia will be up next year for Emmys. I love the character of Rebecca (Mandy Moore's character) because she gives me hope and she is so real.
I am still healing though and still getting through it while dealing with other issues in my life
It meant the world to me when an admin on a Divorced Mom Support Group told another mom to back off from me after that mom went after me for moving my kids to the inlaws (it was a painful decision--it was three years of my life commuting long distances on the weekends to see my kids, and I called them everyday to see how my kids were doing).
I love the show This is Us. It is like so raw about how they talk about addictions. I am really hoping either Justin Hartley or Milo Ventimiglia will be up next year for Emmys. I love the character of Rebecca (Mandy Moore's character) because she gives me hope and she is so real.
I am still healing though and still getting through it while dealing with other issues in my life
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 15
Update on my life
I won’t claim this as a happy ending because we are still in the early stages, but I felt compelled to post an update that my husband has been sober for two years now and our lives are completely different than they were before. We both went through intensive therapy independently and together. We are slowly working on rebuilding trust. I had a lot of work to do on my own codependency issues. I finally feel like I have let go of his alcoholism as my problem. He’s tending to it and I’m tending to myself and my marriage. It’s so hard to understand this in the beginning.
Who knows what lies ahead for us and for him but I know that I feel stronger than I ever have before by taking one day at a time and realizing I’m only responsible for myself (and my kids). The book Codependency No More and therapy saved me.
Who knows what lies ahead for us and for him but I know that I feel stronger than I ever have before by taking one day at a time and realizing I’m only responsible for myself (and my kids). The book Codependency No More and therapy saved me.
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
Originally Posted by Hope4chng
I won’t claim this as a happy ending because we are still in the early stages, but I felt compelled to post an update that my husband has been sober for two years now and our lives are completely different than they were before. We both went through intensive therapy independently and together. We are slowly working on rebuilding trust. I had a lot of work to do on my own codependency issues. I finally feel like I have let go of his alcoholism as my problem. He’s tending to it and I’m tending to myself and my marriage. It’s so hard to understand this in the beginning.
Who knows what lies ahead for us and for him but I know that I feel stronger than I ever have before by taking one day at a time and realizing I’m only responsible for myself (and my kids). The book Codependency No More and therapy saved me.
Who knows what lies ahead for us and for him but I know that I feel stronger than I ever have before by taking one day at a time and realizing I’m only responsible for myself (and my kids). The book Codependency No More and therapy saved me.
Not much different, more of same as below, only even better still, life is as good as I let it be :~)
Originally Posted by nez
I have 15 years of recovery and my wife and I are still together. Our marriage has never been better. It took work, on both our parts, but today there is no question that it has been worth it. Best friends, lovers, enjoying growing older together hand in hand. Wouldn't change a thing. The bliss of today trumps the pain of yesterday.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,982
Originally Posted by Hope4chng
I won’t claim this as a happy ending because we are still in the early stages, but I felt compelled to post an update that my husband has been sober for two years now and our lives are completely different than they were before. We both went through intensive therapy independently and together. We are slowly working on rebuilding trust. I had a lot of work to do on my own codependency issues. I finally feel like I have let go of his alcoholism as my problem. He’s tending to it and I’m tending to myself and my marriage. It’s so hard to understand this in the beginning.
Who knows what lies ahead for us and for him but I know that I feel stronger than I ever have before by taking one day at a time and realizing I’m only responsible for myself (and my kids). The book Codependency No More and therapy saved me.
Who knows what lies ahead for us and for him but I know that I feel stronger than I ever have before by taking one day at a time and realizing I’m only responsible for myself (and my kids). The book Codependency No More and therapy saved me.
Thanks for giving an update on what happened with you both.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,052
The problem with success stories is that people use them as their own personal drug to rationalize horrible decisions to stay with their alcoholics/addicts. We will, like a betting addiction, take 100-1 odds against and say to ourselves, "we have a chance..." For the love of God... 
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,617
Originally Posted by Cyranoak
The problem with success stories is that people use them as their own personal drug to rationalize horrible decisions to stay with their alcoholics/addicts. We will, like a betting addiction, take 100-1 odds against and say to ourselves, "we have a chance..." For the love of God...
I liken it to a google search. How to heal my alcoholic Husband vs - what is the recovery rate for alcoholism. Or, how can I make my Husband stop drinking vs how can I make my life the best it can be.
Critical thinking needs to be employed. I think SR can be a good source for some balanced experience and information.
Behind each of these success stories is years of hard work. I remember someone commenting a few weeks ago that they had read a success story thread and why can that not apply to them?
Well it certainly can but it's important to also take in to account the 17 years of alcoholism hell the person got through first and then the X number of years of recovery that had to be gotten through as well.
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